Grief Is A Necessary Part Of Healing!feeling a little depressed? Needencouragement.com

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It would be fair to say that grief does not feel good, but it is an essential part of healing from a death, divorce, loss of job, broken marriage or relationship, etc.  I have grieved over the loss of my best friend in high school, and I have grieved the loss of a couple of dating relationships and one marriage. Grieving is something that brings a person to a point in their life when things seem pretty dark, but in reality, just like the clouds may be covering over the sun, grief is like that cloud covering over joy in our hearts temporarily. Feel free to check out GriefShare.org. Crying can be an excellent release when going through grief. It helps to express deep feelings. When you are grieving, stick close to friends and family, letting them know how you are doing and feeling. Do not be afraid to ask for help or attention; that is what friends and family are for.  Sometimes, a counselor, or even a doctor, can be beneficial if the sadness does not disappear. ~ Bill Greguska

2 Corinthians 1:3-4   Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

Five Stages Of Grief

Letting go of a bad relationship can be complicated. That’s because the end of a relationship is, in some ways, like experiencing a death. Even if you are the one that initiated the breakup—and even if you believe that the breakup is the best thing for all involved—letting go of a relationship follows the same process as mourning a death.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D., in her groundbreaking book On Death and Dying (1969), outlined the phases of grieving experienced when one learns that they are dying. Her stages have since been aptly used to describe the process of grieving the death of a loved one.
A similar thing happens when grieving the end of a relationship. The following are Dr. Kubler-Ross’ stages of grief applied to a breakup. (The pronouns he and she can be used interchangeably.)

1. Denial

In this phase, our heart—rather than our head—rules our belief system as we try to adjust to the idea of life without the person we’re losing. Even though we know the relationship is over, we really don’t believe it. Against the better judgment of everyone around us, we can’t help but entertain fantasies of things somehow working out. We see hidden glimmers of hope buried in clear indications that it’s over. (Unsurprisingly, this is the phase where we are most susceptible to late-night texting.)

 


2. Anger

Anger can manifest in many different ways—anger at your ex (“How could he do this to me? Why can’t she stop being selfish?”), anger at God or the universe (“Why can’t anything ever work out for me? Why am I cursed?”), anger at people or situations associated with the break-up (anger at the “other woman”; anger that your partner lost her job because that is when she “changed”), and anger at other people who don’t agree or stand with your anger (“Can you believe George and Jane still want to be friends with him after what he did to me?”).
This is the phase where we think it’s a great idea to tell anyone and everyone how “crazy” or “psycho” our ex was. This is also when we believe it’s crucial to send our ex-hateful emails because we don’t want him thinking he got away with anything.

3. Bargaining

Bargaining often goes hand in hand with denial. Bargaining can be looking for any possible way to make the relationship work through negotiation, threats, and magic—for example, telling your ex that you will change, or move, or go to therapy, or telling him he is hurting the children, his family, your family, and the dog by leaving.
And, of course, this phase is not only limited to bargaining with your ex. Many people bargain with The Powers That Be, promising to be a better person if only the ex will come back.  This is also when we attempt to enlist all friends and family to “talk some sense” into them.

4. Depression

Depression, like anger, also surfaces in many different forms, for example, feeling tired all the time, not wanting to do anything but lay in bed, feeling disconnected from people even when you’re with them, being on the verge of tears most of the time, trouble sleeping or sleeping too much, loss of appetite or overeating, increase in drug or alcohol use and—the big one—hopelessness.
Hopelessness is the most pervasive and debilitating; it is the thing that leads us to believe that nothing will ever be or feel different than it is right now. Hopelessness makes it feel like you will never move on and that nothing will ever work out for you in the future.

5. Acceptance

Finally, this is the phase in which we can make peace with the loss. It doesn’t always come on suddenly; it often happens gradually, bit by bit, interspersed with other phases. Acceptance doesn’t always involve harmony and flowers—there is almost sure to be lingering sadness. Acceptance entails making peace with the loss, letting go of the relationship, and slowly moving forward with your life. Sometimes it feels like this phase will never come, which usually means you’re still struggling in an earlier phase.
Knowing your phases of grief can help normalize your break-up experience. It’s also important to know that there are no time limits and no rushing the process. Grieving is like digestion: There is nothing you can do to hurry it along. It takes time, and the only thing you can do is try to get through it. But take heart that this, like everything else, will eventually pass.
Jennifer Kromberg, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist.

 


Understand Why Christians Grieve!

Definition Of Grief = Grief is a continuing process of mourning through which one learns to live with loss.


 

 

What Is Grief?

Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or think straight. These are normal reactions to loss—the more significant the loss, the more intense your grief will be.

Coping with losing someone or something you love is one of life’s biggest challenges. You may associate grieving with the death of a loved one—which is often the cause of the most intense type of grief—but any loss can cause grief, including:

  1. Divorce or relationship breakup
  2. Loss of health
  3. Losing a job
  4. Loss of financial stability
  5. A miscarriage
  6. Retirement
  7. Death of a pet
  8. Loss of a cherished dream
  9. A loved one’s serious illness
  10. Loss of a friendship
  11. Loss of safety after a trauma
  12. Selling the family home

 

 


 

 

The Mourner’s Bill of Rights by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

There is no rule book, no time frame, no judgement. Grief is as individual as a fingerprint. Do what is right for your soul.

1. You have the right to experience your unique grief. No one else will grieve in the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, please don’t allow them to tell you what you should or should not be feeling.

2. You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If you sometimes don’t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.

3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, and relief are just a few emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don’t take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.

4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into doing things you don’t feel ready to do.

5. You have the right to experience “grief bursts.” Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This cannot be very comforting but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.

6. You have the right to make use of rituals. The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don’t listen.

7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality. If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won’t be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.

8. You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking, “Why did they die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like “It was God’s will” or “Think of what you have to be thankful for” are not helpful, and you do not have to accept them.

9. You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will never forget. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.

10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself, and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant of you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.

 

 


 

Even Subtle Losses In Life Can Trigger A Sense Of Grief.

For example, you might grieve after moving away from home, graduating from college, or changing jobs. Whatever your loss, it’s personal to you, so please don’t feel ashamed about how you think or believe that it’s somehow only appropriate to grieve for certain things. If the person, animal, relationship, or situation was significant to you, it’s normal to grieve the loss you’re experiencing. Whatever the cause of your grief, though, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can ease your sadness and help you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning, and eventually move on with your life.

 

 


 

The Grieving Process

Grieving is a highly individual experience; there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, life experience, faith, and the loss’s significance to you.

Inevitably, the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried—and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to unfold naturally.

 

 


 

How To Deal With The Grieving Process

While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and eventually find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.

  1. Acknowledge your pain.
  2. Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
  3. Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
  4. Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.
  5. Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
  6. Recognize the difference between grief and depression.

 

 


 

Typical Stages People Go Through When Grieving:

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a breakup.

 

 


 

The Five Stages Of Grief

Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”

Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”

Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return, I will ____.”

Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”

Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you’ll heal in time. However, not everyone who grieves goes through all of these stages—and that’s okay. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to go through each step to heal. Some people resolve their grief without going through any of these stages. And if you go through these grief stages, you probably won’t experience them in neat, sequential order, so don’t worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you’re supposed to be in.

Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages of grief: “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. Many people have responses to loss, but there is no typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”

 

Helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm

 


What Not To Say To Someone Grieving!

 

 


There Is No Way To Avoid Grief!

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Learn how grief can help people heal! Grief can wash over us like a title wave. Sometimes it can be very damaging emotionally and physically. Learn how to better cope with pain. Deep feelings can overcome us like a title wave, and sometimes it damages a person emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Many people do not do what they ought to do to deal with it to grow through it. The feeling people experience while going through traumatic experiences can affect them in ways they never thought possible. These types of emotions can affect our overall performance and daily functioning in life. Grief can happen anytime because of loss of any kind, such as divorce, the breakup of a significant relationship, the death of a loved one, loss of physical health, diagnosis of a medical situation such as cancer, etc.

 

 

 


We All Need Help At Times

7 Things You Can Do To Get Through Grief Or Loss!

You can not overlook your feelings of grief because if you do, you will not heal properly!

A person needs comfort, support, and help during potentially sad times. The first place to look for this advice is from God, who created us and sustained us to make it through every situation we find ourselves in.

I experienced a significant amount of grief, tears, depression, sadness, and anger when my ex-wife moved out so that she could “find herself,” which ripped a massive hole in my life! It was very peculiar because she and I were not getting along for years (basically since our honeymoon), but there was a deep sadness for me for her breaking our vows in front of God and all our family and friends.

Our marriage lasted ten years. This loss devastated me emotionally, so I reached out for help from Pastor Ron and his wife, Sue Sauer. They pointed me to Jesus and His teachings to get me back on the right path. God puts the right people in our lives to help us in times of great sadness and need. ~ Bill Greguska

 


Seven Ways You Can Get Through Grief Or Loss!

  1. Express your thoughts and feelings to God through prayer.
  2. Contact a close friend, counselor, or pastor for emotional, spiritual, and mental support.
  3. Allow yourself a reasonable amount of time to feel sad and process your thoughts and feelings.
  4. Keep your routine as possible such as work, social, and daily self-care.
  5. Sleep 7-8 hours per night; keep a healthy routine overall.
  6. Avoid unnecessary medications or alcohol.
  7. Eat healthy, drink plenty of water, and avoid overeating or undereating.

 


There Will Be No More Tears In Heaven Revelation 21:4

We will face many painful things on this side of Heaven. We will face tears, death, sorrow, grief, pain, loss, sickness, loss, and many problems.
 
But we know when we are in Christ that in the end, we serve a God who will wipe away every tear we have shed on this side of Heaven. 
Revelation 21:4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, mourning, crying, or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4 Promises That!  We can stand on His WORD!  I look forward to the hope of knowing one day, all we have faced on this side of heaven will be wiped away.

We Can Stand On God’s Promise That:

  • God is with us.
  • Will sustain us
  • He is and will carry us through each circumstance we face in this life and forever. ‘
  • Will NEVER leave us nor forsake us
Stand on that truth this morning! ~ Peg Gogonelis

 


 

The Five Stages Of The Grief Prosses!

 

  1. Denial

  2. Anger 

  3. Bargaining

  4. Depression

  5. Acceptance


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