Response Letters 1

Answers to your many questions
The questions are in bold, and the response letter answers are below the questions. Here are some encouraging scriptures about wise counsel.

Below are some of the questions people have emailed in to ask us about.

I am not a professional counselor, yet I have been a Born-Again Christian since 1986. Our responses are based on Biblical principles found in the Bible and through prayer and links to our website.

 


 

 

  • If you wish to ask a question of your own, please contact us.

 


Subject: I need counseling
Message Body:
Hi! Found your website because I decided to find counseling online. I would like to talk with someone, a strong Christian, about some problems I face in my life, and I need guidance for this. Can you tell me how counseling occurs?
Elena
Hi Elena

 

I take it that you have already tried to pray about your situation. If not, that is the first thing I would suggest for you to do. I hope this will be of help!
Free counseling is divided into 3 ways.
I pray that you seek the Lord and you pick what type of counseling you need.
 

Subject: Relationship
Message Body:
Hi..so I’m 51 and was a single mom for 15 years,s but since my children are now adults,s I dated and fell in love with a great man who is raising his 2 teenage boys on his own. We dated for over a year, and then he got a job in Europe. I never wanted to live with him before marriage, but he asked me to come with him, and I didn’t want to lose him. Also, my daughter is a missionary in Norway, so I thought it would be nice to be closer to her. I thought we’d get engaged soon after the move, but it’s been almost 2 years in Europe and no engagement yet. I love Jesus and feel extremely convicted, even embarrassed.
I can’t believe I did this and involved the hearts of 2 teenage boys. He is not a Christian, which I wish he saw as though my faith in Jesus is the most important thing in my life. He never discourages me from everything I do to draw close to God. I wish he shared in it and encouraged it. I just moved back to the states this week because I wanted to stop living in sin.  I’m really struggling. I’m not sure if I should continue the relationship.
I love him, my kids love him, and his kids are very attached to me. He’s trying to transfer back to the states, but it will probably take at least 6 months. Since we’re physically separated, I can’t help but think this might be the best time to end the relationship, is that the right thing to do, or is it the worse thing to do since we love each other and the boys would be hurt. He knows I will not live with him again unless we are married. So I need advice.. would it be better to stay together and get married or go our separate ways since he isn’t a Christian and we’ve already lived in sin. I have repented and have fully accepted God’s mercy, grace, and forgiveness, but I just don’t know what to do.
Thank you – Ellen
Good morning Ellen,
I have a strong feeling that you know what the right thing that you ought to do. If you asked your daughter, who is a missionary, you know what she would tell you. You are juggling and struggling, and your struggles seem to be whether to live your life “God’s way” or to live the way that “feels right and is convenient.”
  1. To honor and please God’s?
  2. To live in sin?
  3. To get married to an unbeliever?
  4. To break up?
  5. To be lead by your emotions?
  6. To be lead by God?
You have gotten yourself into a totally up to you, yet whatever decision you make, you will reap the benefits or consequences.
If you really want my opinion, if I were you, I would sit down alone with your boyfriend, tell him what you have told me, tell him that you have
repented and have been able to accept God’s mercy, grace, and forgiveness fully. In doing so, you want to do what is right. It reminds me of what Jesus said to the women on the mount of olives.
John 8:1-11 but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. At dawn, he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now, what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap to have a basis for accusing him.  But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
If, by chance, your boyfriend has a desire to be Born Again like you are, then I believe you do not have to end your friendship with him and the kids, BUT THINGS WOULD NEED TO BE TOTALLY DIFFERENT. OTHERWISE, I THINK YOU NEED TO MAKE A CLEAN BREAK AT THIS POINT UNLESS THE FOLLOWING CAN HAPPEN.
  1. You would need for him to be evenly yoked with you.
  2. He would have to be willing to accept Jesus in his life as his Lord and Savoir.
  3. No more living together. Separate living situation.
  4. No more sex until you are married. God has forgiven you.
I hope what I have shared has been of help to you. If so, please feel free to email me back if you have any other questions about anything I said.
I pray that you allow the Holy Spirit to guide you and lead you in this situation. I pray that the Lord makes things clear for you if you should make a clean break, test the water with his interest to become a Christian (keeping in mind, he might just say that to not lose you). I trust that you will make the right decision since you repented. God has given you forgiveness, mercy, and grace to do His will, not your own will, which we both know gets us nowhere fast!
God bless you, and may He make your decision clear without any struggle or anxiety, but just His perfect peace!
 

Subject: Sister
Message Body:
Hi, I have a problem. My family is Christian and believes that being anything other than straight (Gay, lesbian, etc.) Is a sin. My father, in particular, dislikes anyone who falls under these categories.
My sister came out as a lesbian a few years ago. In the beginning, I was totally against it, following my father’s footsteps, but as I grow older, I’m starting to doubt if that’s really ethical.
I talked to my father about this and told him that I don’t think we should push her away, but accept her. He quickly told me that it was wrong and almost got mad at me for saying that I would Accept her.
This is where I am struggling.
I know it is wrong to be gay, lesbian, etc., for it is written in the bible. But is it wrong to support someone who is gay, lesbian, etc.?
On top of that problem, my sister’s girlfriend is emotionally abusive and manipulative, but she just seems to go back to her after every fight. She once cried over the phone, wanting to come back home after staying at her girlfriend’s. She also doesn’t want to find work and has dropped out of 3 different universities, Because of her girlfriend telling her that she is probably cheating on her and doesn’t pay enough attention to her. Anyone in my situation would see that this is very wrong. I don’t know how to deal with that or push her in the right direction either.
Please help me.
JS
Hi JS,
I am glad you have reached out for advice. It sounds like you are troubled with your sister’s choice of lifestyle she is in right now, and on top of that, her friend is abusive and manipulative. I would suggest that you look at one thing at a time.
First of all, it sounds like you love your sister, which is great. Have you ever heard of the expression, “Love the sinner, but hate the sin?” I think this can be of help to you to think in these terms. Keeping that in mind, I would encourage you to love your sister by being a good Christian example of love to her. You might want to not get right to the point about her homosexuality, but start by talking to her in general terms about sin and that God gave His Son to die for us because of my sin, your sin, and your sister’s sin. Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. I would suggest that you at first point out other types of sins that we all have. Maybe she could admit that she has lied, stolen, lost her temper, etc., and then later bring in the subject of her homosexuality.
 
Before you talk with her, make sure that you pray and ask God to give you the right words and a loving attitude when you share with her. Put on your Armor of God each day, and understand that your sister is in a spiritual battle initiated by the devil himself because he hates God, and the devil’s way to get back at God is to tempt God’s children to do what is evil. It is pretty simple to understand, yet your sister is right in the middle and has been temporarily blinded. Read this to protect yourself and your sister…
Ephesians 6:10-18 Finally, be strong in the Lord and his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
 
And remind your sister that there is a penalty for us to have to pay because of our sin that Jesus has already paid for us on the cross. Romans 6:23  For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
 
I hope what I have shared has been of help to you and your sister. If you have any questions about what I have said or anything else, please feel free to email me back, and I will try to be more helpful to you. I pray that you can be strong for your sister, who is in some quicksand and needs someone like you to be there to love her, support her, encourage her. Remember also that we are to love the sinner but hate the sin.
When you talk to your sister about her homosexuality, DO NOT FORGET that you need to humble yourself because we all have our own sins that God hates, maybe not homosexuality, but keep in mind that ALL sin keeps us from God. This attitude will help you relate to your sister in a humble yet powerful way!
This scripture ought to give her some hope if she is ready to give up her homosexual lifestyle. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Here is a page from my website that I believe will help you and your sister. http://needencouragement.com/homosexuality/

 

 

God bless you, and remember we need to love the sinner, yet hate the sin…(we are all sinners each in our own way).
Bill Greguska
 
 

Subject: Abuse and Fear
Message Body:
hi. I think I’m losing hope, but I don’t want to and I hope you can encourage me. My parents are really harsh.  Joseph 🙁
Hi Joseph,
I am glad you reached out…You did not mention any certain details, but I can tell you that if you keep responding to them the way you have been (however that may be?), you will continue to get the same results. I suggest that you first of all, take this to God in prayer. Can you think of anything that you have said or done that has upset them or has been disrespectful?
Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
You did not mention how old you were, but no matter what age, abuse is not right ever! If it is physical abuse, then you might want to consider reporting them to the police. It would be much easier to give you advice that can help you if you think that telling me more would help. I am open to that. It is challenging to help you with the limited amount of information that you shared with me.

 

Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
I hope what I have shared has been of some help to you. Feel free to email me back if you have any questions about what I have said.
I will pray that you use good wisdom mixed with love and try to talk to your parents. You might need to schedule some time to talk if they are busy. This way, you can get their full attention and hopefully resolve your problems by talking things out. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
If you are 18 and can not deal with your parents, you have an option to move out. But it would be best to talk things out. Again, you did not share much with me, so I am only speculating about what is going on. Bottom line, keep on praying about it and try to do whatever you can do to find peace with your parents.
Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
God bless you,

Subject: Relationships
Message Body:
Hi. I’m not sure if this is something you guys help with… but I have been really conflicted for the past 6 months over someone, and I think I am in love with them. I’m a Christian, they are a Christian, and I would really love to talk to someone for some perspective. Thanks so much.
Hi Anna,
It is good to hear back from you, although hearing good news would have even been better!
I will try to get to the point, it seems to me, correct me if I am wrong, but it seems that you made your “feelings” for this boy as your god. You say that you are a Christian, so I can remind you that God is a jealous God. You putting this boy as your focus for happiness instead of having God be your focus is, without a doubt, I believe to be your main problem.
I am sure you are aware that prunes branches that are not good for the tree in order for that tree to grow healthy. That is what I believe that God has done with this boy (pruning him out of your life). And the story does not end with that because if you do not put God as your focus, no matter what you chase after, you will not ever find real joy.
Have you been:
  1. Praying to God each morning?
  2. Have you been reading your Bible?
  3. Fellowship with other believers? (you admitted that you are isolating)
I am sure you are a nice young lady, and the Lord has someone for you if you can be patient. I encourage you to rekindle your relationship with God and forget about boys probably until, at the least close to summertime, so you can heal and get close to God again.

 

Hi Mr. Greguska,

I hope you’re well. 
I haven’t reached out for over a year and a half but thank you for your help in the past. I find myself struggling lately, and I appreciate you being here.
Since we last spoke in July, much has changed. The boy I spoke of, I fell deeply in love with. I told him my feelings, and we fell in love. However, he still had a girlfriend, and my heart broke each time he spoke of her, and I saw him together. Since September, when I told him I loved him, each day has been filled with tears, heartache, and loneliness.
I can honestly tell you that I have cried every night for over a year. I am happy mostly, but there are moments every night when I really struggle. In March, I realized how unhealthy it was for me to love someone who was with someone else after many lonely and sleepless nights crying myself to sleep and struggling. I’ve always found it hard to open up my feelings to others and couldn’t tell my family or friends. Letting him go was so hard, and until August, we continually reached out to each other.
Then, he told me he never loved me and that his girlfriend was the one. That caused great pain. Since March, I have felt a certain emptiness that I cannot get rid of. I feel emotionally and mentally scarred deeply inside. I have trouble opening up and find it hard to trust anyone. I feel so angry at him for allowing me to believe he loved me when he did not. Watching him go back to his girlfriend was the worst thing I have ever gone through.
He broke me so much that I no longer love him. At least that is good. Since losing him, I have isolated myself from my friends and family. I spend a lot of time alone. I find when I do not have school, I slip back into long days of despondency and crying, like the last few weeks, mourning the loss of him. Last week, I got awarded a scholarship to the university of my dreams on the other side of the world. I hope to go. I have no doubt that four years 4000 miles from home will heal me.
My heart is so broken I can no longer feel hurt. I am not always unhappy, but I really struggle sometimes. Especially at Christmas, I wallowed for long periods, trying desperately to revise for exams but feeling too broken. 
I need help. 
Thank you for listening. I am sorry if this is a burden or hassle.
Ella
Hi Ella,
I am glad you reached out. I want to let you know that I will give you the best Christian perspective that I know to share with you. You have reached the email support, so if you would like to email a question, I will get back to you as soon as possible.
I always tell everyone who writes in; they need to take their situation to God in prayer first before sharing it with others. You being a Christian, that should not be a problem for you to do. The Lord wants us to come to Him in prayer as a child would to their earthly father.

 

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
If you want to talk to someone on the phone, you can call 800-633-3446. No matter if you email me back or call the phone number, I will pray that God gives you the wisdom you need to make wise choices for your future.
You did not share what was on your mind, but if you have sexual relations with your friend (which is very common in our society,)  I would suggest if this is the case? Stop doing that, and you will learn by your friend’s reaction whether or not he truly loves you or not. You will also grow closer to God because of your obedience. I am saying this because I assumed that the conflict was about sex by what you wrote to me. If it is something different, you would need to let me know, and hopefully, I can point you in the right direction.

 

Bottom line, no matter what problems or situations that we are involved in, God’s word had the answer for us. We need to take all our issues to the Lord, and His word will help us sort out what the answer ought to be.  http://needencouragement.com/ got-questions
May God bless you today and every day and give you the peace, strength, and wisdom that you need.

Bill Greguska


Subject: Feeling Inadequate
Message Body:
Hi, I’m a student in Nigeria, and I’ve been having this feeling of not being good enough at anything I do. I try to fight these feelings, but they get so bad that I can’t even pray about them every day. I’ve been at home for about seven months due to the COVID-19 pandemic, and I tried to lose weight before going back to school, but nothing has changed.
That is my biggest regret. I tried working out and limiting my calorie intake, but I’m back to square one. This makes me feel like a failure because I see other people around me who have achieved their weight loss goals. I’m happy for them, but it just reminds me of my own failure.
I know I only have myself to blame, and I feel like I hate myself for achieving nothing in seven months. I would really appreciate some encouragement and advice because I think even God is disappointed in me.
Olabisi
Hi Olabisi,
You mentioned in your last sentence that you think that God is disappointed in you? The only way that God would be disappointed in you is if you have any sin(s) in your life that has not been confessed to Him. God loves you, and the only thing that breaks our fellowship with God is when we sin, and we do not confess our sins to God and repent from our sins.

http://needencouragement.com/confidence/


1 John 1:9-10  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar, and his word is not in us.

 

How many weeks did you try to work out? It takes time to get in shape and time to lose weight, we do not get overweight in a few days, and we do not lose weight in a few days either. Get back and keep trying. Maybe you are trying to chew off more than you can handle, so consider cutting back on your workout and focus on being consistent.
Keep in mind other parts of your life such as your friendships, things you enjoy doing, special people in your life, something you are looking forward to doing. Sure, being overweight can be frustrating, but God did not create you only to have a shapely body, but to have Him live in your heart and for you to follow him each day. Do you pray to God? Do you read scriptures or fellowship with other believers? If not, I would suggest that you focus on your spiritual life, and everything else will be given to you.
Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
I pray that you can refocus on Jesus instead of your weight loss problem what is dragging you down. If what I have shared with you has been helpful, please feel free to contact us if you have more to say or have any specific questions.
May God bless you,
Bill Greguska

Subject: Advice
Message Body:
My wife and I are recently-separated. We both have done things to lose trust in each other and hurt our marriage. My wife had 3 affairs. I suffer from depression I’m now getting help for and was very emotionally abusive and codependent on her. She has been a Christian her whole life, and I thought I was also but recently realized I wasn’t and gave my life to God. I need help with not being an emotionally abusive husband and have anger issues. I see a counselor, my pastor, a psychiatrist for medication for my depression, and two Christian friends.
I am looking for more help with this. I need advice, resources to read, prayer, and any help I can get. My wife says John Piper is one of the godliest people she knows of and listens to him a lot. I was wondering if there is any way to get in touch with him for advice and help.
Thank you,
Justin
Hi Justin,
I am glad you reached out. I am sorry to hear that you are separated from your wife. My first advice to you is to take this to God in prayer. He is the one who will give you direction. It is good that you are seeking other help too. My observation is that you have a lot of people that you are going to for help. You might be better off getting the bare essential people to help you, so you do not have to keep talking to everyone over and over the same storyline. I would try to find one go-to person to share your concerns instead of having a counselor, pastor, and two Christian friends.
There is wise counsel having people to go to for help, but I would set a limit if I were you. As far as your separation, I went through a separation from 2005-2007, and my pastor told me that separation is a slippery slope. If you want to stay with your wife, you ought to have some type of plan to get back with her if you guys are willing to talk to one another. You are sure a forgiving man to have allowed your wife to have 3 affairs. Many people would go for a divorce right away after an affair. Even though the Bible says there are grounds for divorce, it does not say you have to go for a divorce.
Make sure you guard your heart during all of this. I hope what I have shared about cutting back on all the people was helpful advice, and that if you want your wife back, that you should not wait too long. She will get used to being alone and a way for marital stress that she might not want to return, similar to what my wife did.
I pray that you keep taking care of yourself, such as prayer, exercise, diet, sleep, social, and just taking care of yourself in general. I hope what I have shared with you has been helpful. You guard your heart and keep following the Lord.
Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Bill Greguska

 


Subject: Relationship
Message Body:
I am a single 22yr old woman who is told to wait until I find the “right, Christian” guy before dating. ‘t understand why Ie all my nonchristian friends just falling in love, getting married, having kids, and living so happily. Yet, all my Christian friends who are told to wait like I am are all as lonely and sad as me… some are still single in their 30s, and I don’t want that for my life.
I get when people say, “develop your relationship with God, and you won’t be lonely, but this is just not realistic when humans need human relationships. How long should I just wait around for the right guy to walk into my life?!  Why does God bless those who sin but not those who wait? – Jeri
Hi Jeri,
Besides intervening for your daughter in prayer, I would strongly advise intervening with her in a conversation. Don’t make a lecture out of it or anything like that. Just talk to her and find out what she is up to, and if there is something you can do to help her? Offer her a few suggestions if she is open to hearing them. Otherwise, you can not make her do anything or listen to you, but you can pray, listen to her needs, offer to help her. (money is not advisable)
Did any of my suggestions in the previous email help give you any hope?
With God, all things are possible!
I am praying for you both!

Bill Greguska

 

Subject: Re: “Drugs”

God allowed me to learn from a family addiction counselor who really knew her stuff. It is a myth that they need to hit bottom.  Most die without intervention cause at the bottom-most can’t do it by then.  God blessed you with a mom’s support and a reason to quit if you survived a real bottom.  Or God just plainly pulled you to recover.  That’s how I quit too many years ago. But that is the exception.  Most die if someone or something doesn’t intervene before the bottom. 

Sent from my iPhone



I’ve been living in prayer for a few years over this.  We live way too far to do anything to make a difference. I understand all the info but cannot apply due to our distance at a complete loss of anything at this point.  I know God can intervene, but most die without family support. It feels so hopeless. They have to have a reason to quit.  And family support. Only approx. 100,000 make it on their own without a reason and support.  Well, thank you anyway. God bless

Sent from my iPhone
Hi Jeri,
While I read your paragraph describing your situation, the first thought that came to my mind was if you have been praying to God about this. Sometimes, people go to as a last resort, but I suggest you do that now. The other thing that came to my mind is the idea of reaching out to church and other areas for help and support, such as calling 211, or here is a link to many helpful websites that might be able to help you. http://needencouragement.com/website-links/
As far as your daughter you are worried about, keep in mind that you have raised her the best you could considering the situation. You need to talk to your daughter as an adult, even though she may not be acting wisely. I am sure you have done all you could do to help her, yet, drugs can make people do illogical things. (I had a bad drug problem from 1976 until 1986) Even though it hurt my mom significantly, she was wise enough to love me, yet let me make my bed and had me sleep in it. (consequences)
By the time I was about 20, she had no choice but to kick me out of the house. (my mom loved me a lot, but she had to draw the line). It was not that my mom stopped loving me, but she needed to detach from my insanity, and looking back, I do not blame her at all. The interesting thing about my story was that my mom was there for me during my recovery, and she worked with the staff to find out how she needed to let go and trust God. My mom just passed away on December 31, 2014, and I was one of all 4 of us siblings to take full care of her. The others wanted to put her in a nursing home. I loved her and took care of her for the last eight years of her life.
A couple of things to consider, Jeri:
  1. Plan a time for you and your daughter to have a mother-daughter talk. Try to listen to what she is saying. Identify and agree upon what the problems are. (behaviors more than just drugs, I am sure)
  2. Explain to your daughter and show her that God loves her and that you love her too. And that love might have to be tough like my mom did to me?
  3. Do not make emotional responses to your daughter asking for money. If she needs food, buy her some but don’t give her money.
  4. If she is living at home, make her do chores and pay some rent.
  5. You will need to think of some boundaries and consequences for her behavior. Otherwise, she will do whatever she feels that she wants.
  6. If she is into drugs right now, remember she is not entirely trustworthy. But worthy of your love and prayers.
  7. Get your pastor involved. If you do not have a church, find one. http://needencouragement.com/find-a-good-church/
  8. Have her take one problem at a time. Otherwise, she might become overwhelmed.
  9. Treat your daughter as if the shoes were on the other foot. How would you need to be treated?
  10. I suggest these things to you because I know how it was to be addicted. I have been clean and sober since 1986. Praise God!
  11. Also, feel free to call 800-633-3446

Keep praying to God. Ask Him for wisdom to know how to handle your daughter. Maybe she needs to be put into treatment. It is not meant for everyone, but it sure helped me a lot! (I would look for a place longer than 30 days if possible)
James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Do not forget to call 211. There are many resources there to help you!!!
I will be praying for you and your daughter. If what I have shared has been helpful, feel free to contact me back via email.
God bless you and your daughter,

Bill Greguska



Subject: Drugs
Message Body:
God let me learn many years ago about recovery info and family dynamics, and faith. Presently my grown daughter is in the grasp of drug addiction and is scaring me to death.
I have been trying to raise her oldest son since he was born, so it’s been many years, and since my husband passed a few years ago, it has become very hard. I had to move too far away to be able to help my daughter, and she really needs help. I’m living on a prayer and not functioning well because we are too far away. Not sure what my question is to you as a Christian but being this far away is quite a hopeless situation. Faith without works is dead, and we need to be there, so there is hope. One important recovery dynamic is most die without family support.  Short of being able to move, this is going to get worse.

Hi Daniel,
All men are tempted sexually, but not all men fall for those temptations, but we still struggle.
I told my daughter when she was a teenager that all men are dogs, but the good men who love the Lord are still dogs (sinners) but with a leash holding them back, keeping us from sin. That so-called leash is prayer, God’s word, fellowship, accountability, exercise, pure thinking, and avoiding those things that lead us into temptation.
I remember Billy Graham saying, “There is pleasure in sin, but only for a short time.” There is much truth to what Billy Graham said. The reality is that lust and pornography are sins and, God hates sin.
What have you been doing proactively to avoid pornography and lust?
Where do the temptations come from?
Your computer, television, magazines?
Whatever it is that is triggering your lustful behaviors, that is what you need to cut out. Not fight, but flee from sexual sin. Your flesh is not strong enough to fight those temptations. Just as Pottifer, when the wife was seducing him, had to flee from sexual sin in the Old Testament, we as men need to do the same thing. RUN FROM SEXUAL SIN!!!
Here are a couple of links that will shed some light on this subject for you.
Like a moth near a campfire, the closer it gets to the fire, the greater chance it will be consumed. The more you entertain the lustful thoughts, the greater chance you will be consumed.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Take an inventory of your life, locate the weak points, and start to really avoid whatever your trigger may be. If what I have shared with you has been helpful, please feel free to email me back.
In the meantime, pray to God to give you the wisdom, strength, and perseverance to win this race against pornography and the lust that you are in.
God bless you and protect you,

Bill Greguska



Subject: Am I an Esau?
Message Body:
Hello all, where do I begin? I used to believe I was saved quite a few years ago have to say the sinner’s prayer at a local church. But sadly to say, nothing changed. I was still living in the world and became addicted to pornography and lust.  I knew what I was doing was against God, and still, I pursued these things also partying, drinking, and the like, just flat out horrible.
Recently a change began happening that I can’t describe. I’ve been in the word more.
I’ve not been caring about money, and I have learned through John Piper’s sermons how to 
Pick up my cross and deny myself. Sometimes I feel great, some days, I remember what pastor John said about being an Esau, and I become stricken with fear and depression.
Did I know God, or did I not?
Or am I an Esau and pretty much
Dead?
I feel I’ve changed, but I don’t feel what pastor Hohn describes: love and the renewed heart and mind and spirit.
I font want to give up; I don’t. I need God; I need Jesus. I want him to know me. I want to grow and walk with him. I’ve wasted so many days and years that he gave me so selfishly.
But what if I’m too late. God will not be mocked,
I don’t know what to do. If I give up, I’m dead. But if I am an Esau, then I cant truly repent, in which case I’m dead. Either way, I don’t want to give up.
Please help me
Daniel

Dear Bill
Thank you for your response.  I should have actually said that I fell into sin at that time.  I am born again; I just took a wrong turn.   I will take your advice and keep on hopping along with what you mentioned in your email.
I from South Africa and thank you again.
God bless
Rhonda October
Hi Rhonda,
Thank you for reaching out with the load you are carrying on your shoulders. I do believe I understand what you are saying,
My first suggestion I tell everyone is to take their concerns to God and leave them at the foot of the cross, do not take them back. Allow Him to help you sort through what you are going through. Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Second of all, do not give up hope. You are not hopeless since you said you trust God. Maybe right now, things have not been going the way you would like them to, but I would encourage you to take a different perspective on things. Look at all that you do have, for example, your life, friends, health, material things like clothes, shelter, transportation, etc. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
To get into God’s word, I would suggest Psalms, Proverbs, or the book of John, for starters. Do not just read or pray for a day or two, but make it a way of life for yourself.
Be thankful for what you have been blessed with, and your heavenly Father knows the desires of your heart. If you give up hope, you are giving in to the plan of satan to steal, kill and destroy you. John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
I pray that you can turn back to God once again and allow Him to influence your life once again. I hope what I have shared with you has been of help to you. If it was, and you would like to contact me back, feel free to do so. Otherwise, you can also call 800-633-3446 to talk to a live Christian counselor.
May God bless you and strengthen you in your faith!

Bill Greguska

Subject: HOPELESS
Message Body:
Good day.  A few years ago lost my job. I also live in another country.  Apologies; English is not my first language.  I hope you can make sense of what I wrote.  I was really blessed and had a good life. At that time, I was living in sin, although I am a child of God. I have learned an excellent lesson after that. I was at home for about a year, and I got another job. I trusted God for a job and also repented of my sinful life.  The job I have now is only half-day where I earn less money. 
My life isn’t the same after what happened.  I felt the favor I had before; is gone. Not only in my finance but overall.  I have less of what I had before.  My prayers take longer to be answered. I applied for other jobs but got no interviews. I feel I am still paying the price for my disobedience, although I have repented and turned away from sin. It’s been 4 years, and nothing has really changed in my life.  And know the situation of covid-19.  I could lose my job because of this situation.  I am trying to keep the faith.  Am I still paying the price, and why is my life no longer as blessed as before?  Should I keep trusting and praying, or should I accept that things might not change.? I am 45 years old.  Thank you for taking the time to read my request.  I hope to hear from you soon.
Rhonda

Hi Susan,
I am not sure what you are asking, but it sounds like you are not happy with your relationship. So, in that case, instead of telling you what you ought to do, I will ask you a few questions that will help you decide for yourself what you are willing and not willing to do.
  1. Does your boyfriend say he loves you?
  2. Does your boyfriend show you that he loves you?
  3. Are you willing to put up with more disappointment with your boyfriend until things “might” change?
  4. Have you know him long enough to be willing to take a risk with him, or are you afraid to keep going like this?
  5. Are you afraid of breaking up and feeling alone?
  6. What do your other friends say for you to do?
  7. What does your gut say that you ought to do?
  8. When you pray about this situation, what is God telling you to do?
  9. Are you having relations with him and are afraid that will stop?
  10. Are you dependant on him financially in any way?
You do not need to tell me the answers to these questions unless you want to. They are meant to be rhetorical so that you can decide for yourself what is best for Susan?
Please feel free to email me back if what I am saying has been helpful to you.
I will pray that you can have the wisdom to know what the right thing(s) for you to do. I have a feeling you know already what you ought to do, and it is just a matter of knowing for sure.

 

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Bill Greguska


Subject: Re:”Boyfriend”

Bill, it is very kind that you are concerned. He wants to get married, but I have told him that there is no chance of marriage unless I see a good couple of years of him acting better.

I have tried to set boundaries. It doesn’t work. I just tried to talk with him last night. He has anger, and selfish issues, which I believe are the same. He puts his feelings above everyone else. For instance, my uncle, who is also my godfather, was in the hospital dying. He insisted on going with my mom and me because the hospital is in a very bad neighborhood, and he wanted to “be there” for us. The slightest thing sets him off.
When we were leaving the hospital, he snapped out so bad over misplacing the packing slip for the garage that my mom actually asked him if he wanted me to drive. By the way, he was sitting on it. As far as I am concerned, that is not being there for someone. It is indulging in your moods and not caring about anyone but yourself. 
Another time we were taking our mothers on a day trip for Mother’s Day. A road was closed. I had a map and told him that I know where we should go because his phone was taking forever to recalculate. He yelled at me to “shut the fuck up.”
Last night when I brought up the fact that he can never just be there for me, and how unpleasant he made things for my mom and me when my uncle was dying, and many other times, such as yelling at me and embarrassing me in stores and other places. He yelled that he doesn’t plan to act like that and that if I think he should have to “pat our asses,” then I am the one who is wrong.  
I was there for him through deaths in his family and many other things. He certainly cannot say the same. He honestly makes a bad or sad situation worse. As long as everything goes completely smoothly and not one tiny thing goes wrong (in his mind anyway), he acts okay. 
Since he has many good qualities, I prayed for his anger and selfishness to stop. I have given him the chance to change because no one is perfect. I have told him this is not how you treat someone you care about. Obviously, he hasn’t changed, and there is zero chance we will get married unless he does.
I appreciate your prayers. God bless you.
Hi Susan,
 
I think it was good that you brought this up, especially since you said, “It is also far from the worst thing he has ever done to me.”
 
If you guys ever plan to get married, and he has not treated you that well while dating, there is a good chance that it is not going to get better. Are you prepared to accept that fact? There must be something that you like about him that can have you overlook the negative that he has done, as you mentioned.
 
You do not have to plan a formal time to talk, but it seems as though you do not have set boundaries in your life concerning his behavior. What if you just spoke to him about how you feel how he treats you? Would that upset him to do that?
It seems like you are not asking for more advice, so I will say that I will be praying for you guys and your communication with one another. God has given you a good brain, so use it the best you can. Maybe I do not understand you, but all I have to say is that I am concerned.
God bless you,

Bill Greguska


Subject: Re: “Boyfriend”

Hi Bill,

We have been seeing each other for years. I have tried to discuss his selfishness with him, which is far from the only selfish behavior he exhibits. It is also far from the worst thing he has ever done to me. Therefore setting up a time to talk would do no good. 
Thank you very much for your time.

Susan

Hi Susan,
Like all things in life, I would suggest taking this problem to God in prayer. It is hard to give you my take on this or wise counsel because I do not know if you are dating your boyfriend is someone you plan to marry someday or just someone to spend time and have fun with.
If you are dating for the intent of marriage, and you were my daughter, I would tell you that this is a red flag. If he has had a pattern of this type of behavior in the past, I would suggest that you peacefully and respectfully confront him. If this is only a situation that popped up out of nowhere, I would relax a bit and possibly cut him some slack.
There are always two sides to a story, and without hearing his side, it would be hard to really fair to make any type of a concrete verdict.
The bottoYoutten to me because the bottom line has really bothered you, so having said that, I would suggest setting up a time for the two of you to talk. If you do this, do not make it an I’m right, and he is wrong, type of thing. Try to gather information about why he said what he said and get his perspective and feelings on this situation. Maybe he is going through something of his own. Consider giving him the benefit of the doubt.
You can overlook this, but I got a strong feeling that it would bother you. Again, if you decide to talk to him about this, PLEASE do so with a spirit of peace and love, rather than a spirit of making him admit he is wrong. This can be a good thing if you handle it maturely.
God bless you, and may He give you wisdom and guidance!

Bill Greguska

Subject: Boyfriend
Message Body:
My boyfriend is laid off right now. He knows what a nightmare it is for me to find a parking spot on the train every morning. However, it is too much trouble for him to drive me. He lives 2 miles from me (a 5-minute drive). The train station is a 10-15 minute drive from my house. To me, this says I am not worth a short drive. What is your take?
Susan

 

Question:

I would love to share more in detail, but I just lost my dad a week ago. He was like my best friend. He leaves behind my mom and six kids. I’m trying to be as strong as possible. Please, I need to talk to someone. I’m hurting, grieving, and broken inside.

Response Letter:

Hi, I am very sorry for your loss. My mom died three years ago, and I think of her often. My first thought is to point you to Jesus Christ. I do not know what you believe, but if you trust in God, he can and will comfort you and direct you…If you do not have a relationship with God, then I would strongly advise looking into one.

You can check out.  http://needencouragement.com/need-god/ For dealing with grief, you can visit.  http://needencouragement.com/grief/When, my mom, died, I found comfort in journaling. Here is a link that you might find interesting. I have a running log that I wrote things about my mom. She, too, was my best friend. I am the youngest of 4 Italian siblings, and my mom always favored me. http://needencouragement.com/death/I hope what I shared has helped a little…Also, you can call 800-633-3446 to talk to someone that can also help you! God bless you, and keep looking to God for your strength and comfort.

Bill Greguska

 

________________________________________________________________

 

 

Question:

Sex before marriage. We are 51-year-old grandparents. Both of us feel way too old even talking about this, but I don’t want an opinion about what the Bible says.

 

Response Letter:

Hi Larry, The Bible is very clear about sex outside of marriage. Here is a page you can visit that might give you what you are looking to discover. http://needencouragement.com/sex-out-side-of-marriage/Here is another link that you might benefit from also. https://www.gotquestions.org/sex-before-marriage.html I hope what I have shared has been of help to you. If you need to talk to someone, you can call 800-633-3446. I pray that you find the answers that you need. God bless you!

Bill Greguska ><>

 

 


 

Question:

My husband struggles with addiction and alcoholism; I need some advice.

Response Letter:

Hi Sarah,

 

Without knowing a lot more details, the first thing I would suggest that you do is to go to God and pray for your husband’s addiction. That would be the first step to take. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

If you can talk with him to find out if he would be willing to get some out-patient help with a counselor or even go to an AA or NA meeting. NeedEncouragement.com/alcohol-and-drugs

Do you go to a church that offers support for alcohol or drugs? Needencouragement.com/find-a-good-church

I am just guessing that outside of his drinking. He is not finding much joy or peace with God, himself, or others in his life. Can you think of what you can do to help your husband since you know it well? Whatever you have tried to do to help him, and it does not work, try to think of another solution. In the meantime, you need to be strong and also take care of yourself. Have you ever heard of Alanon meetings? They are a support group to help those who have husbands, wives, or relatives affected by their significant others drinking or drug problem. Here is a link to get some help for you… https://al-anon.org/newcomers/

I attended AA and NA for about ten years, and now I only go to church to get my help from God. I have been sober and clean since June 25, 1986, and it was the best thing I did in my life besides accepting Jesus Christ into my life! NeedEncouragement.com/12-step-program

It does not matter how your husband is responding right now, but if you take care of yourself and get your marching orders from God, you will be in good shape if he finds out that you are interested in getting help for yourself. I am pretty sure that he will wake up and realize that he has a problem, and you’re serious about getting help for the two of you.

I trust that God has the answers for you, and I pray that they come along quickly. And I pray that God gives both you and your husband wisdom and strength to make it through this together! It might not be easy, but it will be worth it, believe me!

Bill Greguska

(Continued)

Is there any way that we can talk on the phone?

Sarah

Hi Sarah,

Sorry, I make it a practice not to talk on the phone, especially with women. If you have anything you want to ask me or share with me via email, I’d be willing to talk that way with you a little.

 

If you don’t have a close friend or family member you can share with, you might think about seeing who can help you who you respect and trust.

 

If you don’t have a church to go to, I would suggest finding one.

 

If you feel like you’re in any danger, I would suggest removing yourself from the situation temporarily.

 

Let me know if you would like to ask me anything or tell me something; I’d be willing to help you if I can?

 

Above all, I strongly suggest you take all of this to God and pray!!! I am praying for you and your husband!

 

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

I really need help. I am running on empty!

Response Letter:

Hi Jojo,

There is an expression that goes like this called HALT:

Do not get too:

My suggestion to you is to stop right now and pray to God to give you the wisdom you need to make some changes in your life.

 

James 1:5  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God who gives generously without finding fault.

NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

  1. Are you saying yes to too many things?
  2. Are you trying to please everyone but forgetting your needs?
  3. Are you neglecting God lately?
  4. Are you getting enough sleep?
  5. Are you getting enough exercise? NeedEncouragement.com/need-exercise
  6. Are you eating healthy foods? NeedEncouragement.com/healthy-food

Without knowing more details, if you reflect on these questions and the HALT idea, you are on your way to recovery from your running on empty.

It sounds like you need to pamper yourself. Do not feel as though you have to take on the whole world. If you call in sick tomorrow, that might be the wisest thing you could do for yourself. When was the last time you saw your doctor?

When I was going through a divorce back in 2007, my pastor Dave Briscoe wisely gave me a quote to think about. It went like this:

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint, throttle down, or you will run out of gas!” ~ Pastor Dave Briscoe

I hope and pray that what I have shared with you can be of help to you! Throttle down and hang in there, call upon the Lord. 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you!

Bill Greguska

NeedEncouragement.com/chat

800-633-3446 call 24/7

 


 

Question:

My husband and I have been married for 13 months, together for 18. I have temporarily left our home due to angry outbursts that have made me feel unsafe on a physical and emotional level. Seeking counsel.

Response Letter:

Morning Jill,

When you said you temporarily left your home, did you mean just packed a few clothes and things and plan to come back real soon, like a day or two?

My first advice would be to pray for your husband and your marriage, and yourself.

Second of all, I strongly advise you get a third person involved to mediate between the two of you. Someone that he can trust and confide in and someone you can trust and confide in too. Maybe a pastor, maybe a counselor, but someone soon! Make sure that you do not get too comfortable away from him. Otherwise, your marriage will be on a slippery slope to divorce.

As much as you would want, you can not change your husband, but the Holy Spirit can and will if you put your marriage in an open palm to the Lord. But you would be wise to look at what your husband is getting upset about; maybe the problem is drinking? Perhaps it is something you are doing or saying? Maybe it is excess stress, money problems, etc.

Having a third person to bounce things off of will benefit both you individually and your husband personally and the two of you as a couple. NeedEncouragement.com/free-christian-counseling

DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT OR REFER TO THE WORD DIVORCE; you have just hit a speed bump, and bailing out now (even thinking about bailing out) is the worst thing you can do. You have become married before God and the others at your wedding. Divorce does not solve your problems; it only changes them. I know I have been divorced myself, and if my wife would have put more faith into our marriage, we might have still been married and stronger because of it. Still, she wanted immediate gratification, which ended in a broken home, major problems for my stepson, etc.

To reiterate:

  1. Pray for your marriage. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray
  2. Get wise counsel that you both agree upon NeedEncouragement.com/talk-with-someone.
  3. Examine your own life (get the log out of your eye before trying to get the speck out of the other person life)
  4. Have a plan to get back into the house asap
  5. Forgive your husband and ask him to forgive you.
  6. Discover the root of this problem and work with your husband to resolve it (work as a team)

Jill, I am praying for you right now that your heart can be soft, yet at the same time that you use good wisdom from God to get your marriage back on track!

Bill Greguska

800-633-3446

 

 


 

Question:

Hi. I was inquiring about some counseling, someone for my 10-year-old daughter to speak with. Her father and I separated in 2014, and the divorce was finalized in 2016. We have 50/50. I feel she needs some encouraging words and guidance on handling two separate homes and her communication.

 

Response Letter:

Good Morning Angela,

Thank you for reaching out. Divorce is a tough thing for a child to go through. My first thought would be, is there any possible chance that you and your husband could get back together? If, for some reason, that is not an option, unfortunately, what your daughter is experiencing is a part of the divorce problem that our country is experiencing.

Unfortunately, I, too, have been divorced myself. I can relate to the pain you are experiencing. I was involved in a divorce that I did not want, and my stepson is 26 right now, and the separation was 11 years ago. He has positively been affected negatively by the divorce. Yet, despite that, he had made it through, yet he has experienced some damage because of it, which to a point is almost inevitable. You need to do your best, point your daughter to the Lord. Listen to your daughter’s needs and get her involved with church and with other Christian kids.

I wish I had an easy fix for you, but I do not. All I can say is try to talk with your ex respectfully, explaining that both he and you love her and that you are very sorry that you and her dad cannot live together anymore. Divorce is an excruciating thing and will leave scares not only on you and your ex but also on her. The Bible talks about God hating divorce, and this is just one of the by-products of separation that you will have to go through prayerfully. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

Try to put your ‘adult emotions’ aside no matter why you got divorced, and be as nice as you can in front of your ex and even say nice things about him to your daughter. You may be divorced, but you do not have to “act” like you are divorced.

 

Unfortunately, you are in a tough situation and expect some repercussions to the decision you guys made to get divorced. It would be wise to go to God in prayer and ask Him what you need to do. Is there a chance that you and your ex could get together all three of you maybe once every other week? That might brings some healing to not only her but the two of you. NeedEncouragement.com/healing-from-divorce

 

To minimize the scares, I would encourage your daughter to talk about her feelings with you, write about her feelings, Make sure you give her enough time and attention, do things with her and consider seeing a Christian counselor. I would suggest that you call 800-633-3446 to talk with someone who can listen to you and give you some insights. NeedEncouragement.com/talk-with-someone

 

Trust that God has this situation under control and that He has a plan for your life as well as your ex-husband’s life, and as well as your daughter’s life! I will be praying for you, and I suggest that you do the same.

 

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

I would like to join the email list.

Response Letter:

Hi Arzoo,

Thank you for contacting us. I will put you on our email list right away.

I send out at least one email per week on average.

Feel free to forward them to others that you know who might be interested in.

Have a blessed day!

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

The slander & lies toward me have escalated to managers on board and given me a discipline letter. I’m only 6 1/2 months away from early retirement. I met the union, and they told me to put in some incident reports and do a rebuttal to the letter I received. In the past, when I try to defend myself, things kept getting worse. Do I put in incident reports against them? How do I do this and still leave it in God’s hands?

 

Response Letter:

Good morning Shelly, I am glad you have reached out for some encouragement. I will try to give you my opinion, yet it is hard to say without knowing what you are going through. A couple of things to keep in mind are:

  1. Pray about this situation asking God for His wisdom. James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
  2. Pray that you can peacefully talk to the person(s) who have accused you.
  3. Pray for those who persecute you. Matthew 5:44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
  4. You might consider filing a grievance letter in your defense as long as the claims are false against you.
  5. You need to pray that you do not let your hurt and anger come out in words that will discredit your character.
  6. God will always defend us, yet sometimes we need to speak up for ourselves and defend ourselves respectfully and calmly. Do not overreact and raise your voice or speak ungodly towards them.

Is there someone at work that could give you some advice?

I would respectfully defend myself and confront the person who falsely accused you of making sure you have a witness there (not alone).

I pray that you handle this situation in a mature way that will give honor to God, and when it is all over, give praise to God!

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

I lost my baby boy on February, 4th 2018. Ever since I lost him, I’ve been feeling down, and I have days where I break down and cry because I miss him so much. I was only 4 1/2 months, but I still feel like he was a part of me. I was just starting to love him. He was my first child. I have days where my mood changes when I see babies and pregnant friends. I get very emotional.

Response Letter:

Hi Jenise,

I can understand your feelings of depression, and it must be excruciating. I do not know if my words to you can encourage you? I can not take away your pain, only God and time can, but I can try to point you to Him via this email, hopefully!

I do know who can encourage you, and that is Jesus Christ, our Lord, and Savior. Trust in Him today by telling him of your gut-wrenching pain that is still lingering with you. I will try my best to encourage you, and I will also pray for you…

I remember years ago when my daughter’s mother broke up with me, and I was at wit’s end about it. I recall vividly that a counselor who I went to see told me something profound, she said, “God loves me, and He would understand my feelings of great sadness, yet at the same time, God would also want me to experience joy in my life again despite the loss of my daughter’s mother, and my daughter.”  (This happened 34 years ago, and I can remember it like it was yesterday. I felt an unusual peace knowing that I could release my daughter’s mother and my daughter Sherry.) I realized that I still had my life to live, and her words were a great reminder for me.

 

Later on in my life, my former pastor’s wife, Sue Sauer, also gave me some wise counsel when it comes to letting go of painful memories and disappointments. Sue told me I need to keep an open palm about all people and things in my life.  This she explained because if God decides to take a person or a thing out of my life (palm), if I do not have an open palm, it will be excruciating and that God is ultimately in control, realizing God allows things to happen beyond our human understanding.

 

I am incredibly sorry for the loss of your child. I do have a few suggestions to KEEP in mind to help you:

  1. Keep praying and keep close to God.
  2. Keep in fellowship with other believers in your church and friends. If you do not have a church, find one. NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church
  3. Keep talking about this to those you know and trust who can help comfort you and guide you through this time in your life.
  4. Keep busy with your life and other relationships that you are involved in.
  5. Keep open to the leading of the Lord, maybe adoption or trying to have another child might be an option down the road.
  6. Keep your faith and do not doubt the Lord, for he still has a plan for your life.
  7. Keep up with your health, exercise, eat healthy foods, get proper sleep, drink plenty of water.
  8. Keep your communication with God, write God a letter when you are up to it leasing your child to Him, and seeking God’s will.

Please forgive me if I said something that might have hurt you. That was not my intention. I want to encourage you to get your life back on track, as my brother Tom told me during an unfortunate time in my life by telling me something that made sense and helped me. He said, “Do all you can do, and then just turn the page.”

I pray that you will start today to heal as you apply some of the things that I suggested. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:4-5

NeedEncouragement.com/depression

May God bless you

Bill Greguska

(Continued Letter 2)

Hi Jenise,

I was thinking about your situation, and a Christian friend of mine, Peg, told me about a website. Here is a link that I think will be of help to you. At least please watch the video. I think you will find comfort in watching it.

https://www.griefshare.org

May God bless you!

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

Kindly assist me on what to do to avoid sex before marriage with my partner. We already took it far, have a baby together, and don’t know how to stop it.

 

Response Letter:

Hi Gaylord,

I am glad you contacted me. To answer your question, I would have to ask you a question, “Do you love the Lord with all your heart? If the answer is no, then whatever I say will not really matter to you anyway.

But if the answer is yes, then you would not want to dishonor God by continuing to have sex before marriage.

You would need to talk this over with your girlfriend, and if she really does love you (for more than just having sex with you) and you with her, and if she loves the Lord too, then she would be in agreement with you, and this would not need to be a problem any longer. Problem Solved!!!

Bringing up this question tells me that the Holy Spirit has convinced you in your heart. Keep in mind that sin is pleasurable for a season, yet with sin comes spiritual death if not confessed to God. It says in the Bible in 1 John 1:8-9 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

We all need to get right with God, no matter what the sin may be. In your case, it is sex before marriage, but you have a contrite heart seeing that you came to me for godly advice.

When you talk to your girlfriend, you will learn about her character and yours too. If she is unwilling to avoid having sex, then I suggest that you be the leader and refrain from it yourself. I can guess that you are living together, which makes things harder. (Check out this link NeedEncouragement.com/sex-outside-marriage )

Here is a scripture that might be of help to you.  1 Corinthians 7:8-9 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

  1. Do you guys want to get married?
  2. Have you ever talked about marriage?
  3. What is stopping you from asking her to marry you?
  4. Do you have a church that you attend?
  5. Do you have any Christian guidance from anyone?

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Gaylord, Believe me when I tell you that I am not judging you or speaking down to you. I agree with the Bible because I was not married and got my girlfriend pregnant, which caused many problems in our life. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up, which caused a great deal of pain and heartache for both of us and my daughter, who is now 34 years old. Thank God that God loves us even when we sin, but many consequences go with our sin that we have no control over.

Fortunately, my daughter and I have a good relationship, and she, too, knows the Lord. Praise God for what the locust has devoured. God has restored! You still have a chance to avoid more judgment of God. I suggest that you get under the umbrella of God and find yourself a church (check out this link  NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church ) and recommit your lives to God and raise your baby with love for the Lord and with respect and fear of the Lord.

Proverbs 1:7  The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.

I hope what I have shared will be of help to you and your girlfriend and baby. If you need some help with how to pray (check out this link NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray ), I will be praying that God gives you strength and wisdom that those in this world will not give you and that you get on the right track today! When you talk with your girlfriend, be very patient and let her talk after telling her what is on your mind about this matter. You will be just fine!

Bill Greguska

You can call this number if you would like to talk with someone who cares at 800-633-3446

You can chat with someone by (checking out this link need encouragement/talk-with-someone )

 

 


 

Question:

I need someone to talk to about my family situation.

Response Letter:

Hi Jennifer,

 

It is very wise for you to want to seek counsel. You have made the right decision!

Please feel free to call this phone number to talk with someone who can give you some guidance. 800-633-3446

You can also chat with someone by visiting http://needencouragement.com/chat/.

I will pray that God gives you the wisdom that you need to help yourself and your family.

God Bless You,

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

May I please receive a women’s daily devotional study Bible and Daily Devotional or journal?

 

Response Letter:

Hi, Thank you for contacting us. I hope things are going well for you. As far as getting a devotional from us, I can point you to NeedEncouragement.com/devotionals, which you will find some information on devotionals to help you.

You might also want to contact 800-633-3446 to talk with someone right away, or you can visit NeedEncouragement.com/talk-with-someone that you can chat with someone online if that is something you might find helpful. God bless you,

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

Need a free Bible

Response Letter:

 

Hi Robert,

Thanks for contacting me. You can get your own free Bible by going to http://needencouragement.com/free-bible/; Just follow the prompts and sign up, and one will come right to your house. Free Bible and Free Delivery!

May God bless you and continue to draw himself closer to you.

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

I feel too far gone or like I’ve already failed at being a practicing Christian. I need help. I need help.

Response Letter:

Hi Tamela,

Without hearing more, I would first suggest that you take this concern to God in prayer. If you need some help with prayer, go to needencouragement.com/how-to-pray.

Second of all, I take it that you are not involved in a church. Or if you are, you then need to talk to those in your church. If you need a church, go to NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church.

If you need to talk to someone right away, you can call 800-633-3446.

If you would rather chat with someone, you can go to NeedEncouragement.com/talk-with-someone.

I pray for you right now that whatever you are struggling with specifically, that the Lord gives you the wisdom to determine what you ought to do. Look up James 1:5, which will encourage you! Do not let yourself become discouraged. Trust that God has a plan for your life, and your job is to find out what it is by reading his word in the Bible and praying about it.

God bless you,

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

 

Question:

I need to talk to someone, please.

Response Letter:

Hi Karla,

I got your message, and you can call 800-633-3446, or you can text someone by going to NeedEncouragement.com/talk-with-someone.

If you need a church to attend, you can check out NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church.

I will pray that whatever you are going through, that you ask God to walk with you through it.

Also, pray that God gives you the wisdom to know what to do and what not to do.

May God bless you,

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

Can you please send me the print book about eating disorders thanks?

 

Response Letter:

Hi, I am glad you reached out for help. That is an excellent sign that you are serious about getting things in your life together. My first question is, do you believe that God can heal you from your eating problem? If not, my second question is, are you willing to ask God in prayer to help you?

Here is a link that can give you some ideas on how to pray for help. http://needencouragement.com/how-to-pray/I am sorry I do not have any printed materials for eating disorders, but you can check out this link that might help you. http://needencouragement.com/overeating/

Check out the website for other topics that might be of help to you. I pray that you continue to have a desire to help yourself and that your support will come first of all from Jesus Christ and whoever God puts in your path. Here is a phone number you can call to talk with someone 800-633-3446. Or you can check out http://needencouragement.com/talk-with-someone/I hope what I have shared has been of some help to you…

Bill Greguska ><>

 


 

Question:

I am physically disabled, spend a majority of time alone, am a Christian, struggle with loneliness, and sometimes go to the wrong places on the computer. for comfort etc. when I know the answer is Jesus

Do you have any long-term female mentors?

Thank you

Karen

Response Letter:

Hi Karen,

You are wise to want to hook up with a female mentor. I will ask a few lady friends, and hopefully, one of them might be available and interested in being a mentor to you.
I will pray that someone will real soon, yet in the meantime, our number one mentor is Jesus Christ. Go to him in prayer and into his word, and you will find more answers that way. Please contact me back if you do not hear from me by Friday. I am going to Bible study tonight, and maybe one of the ladies there might be available.

In the meantime, you can try to contact this number 800-633-3446. I have discovered that they don’t always answer the first time you call, but they have a beautiful recorded message worth hearing.
God bless you, and we will be in touch soon.

Bill Greguska

 


 

(Continued)

Hi Karen,

 

I am getting back to you sooner than I expected. I just heard from my pastor Mark, I told him about you, and he wanted me to ask you a couple of questions.

1. Do you have a church home, and if so, could they have a mentor for you? If not, visit NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church

2. Are there any Christians near her or family members who she could spend time in The Word and fellowship with you?

3. What do you want of a mentor (on the phone, email, in person, Skype, etc.)?

4. Describe your faith walk with Jesus Christ – how long, church membership, born again?

This information will be helpful to know to help make a match for you with a possible mentor.

I am sure that God would be pleased if you had a mentor to help you grow closer to him and others, and apparently, you would like one too, be patient, and I am sure God will hear and answer your sincere request for help in a matter of time.

 

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

Lately, I’ve been struggling with stopping masturbation. I grew up in a Christian home, and I know that I have God in my heart, but I struggle with masturbation. I’ll stop for a couple of days, weeks, or months and then I’ll do it again, and I don’t know how to stop. I don’t have anybody to talk to, and I’m not ready to talk to my parents yet. So I need help with stopping it and growing closer to God again.

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Sam,

 

Since you asked this question, it tells me that you believe that masturbation is a sin, correct?

 

What would you do if you had a problem with stealing, lying, anger, etc.? What would you do about trying to stop any of those sins?

 

The first thing you would want to do is pray to God about it and confess your sin because If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

 

NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

God does not want you to lust, and it confirms that fact because you are asking how to stop.

Keep on praying and also find someone from your church that you can talk with about this. If you do not have a church, visit NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church.

As far as not telling your parents, I think your parents understand, and it might be good to share it with either your mom or dad or both. Otherwise, make sure you get yourself an accountability partner if you do not want to tell your parents. NeedEncouragement.com/accountability-partner

In the meantime, avoid all pornography or anything that triggers you to want to masturbate.

Here are a couple of web pages that will be of help to you to find some answers.

  1. NeedEncouragement.com/pornography
  2. NeedEncouragement.com/pornography-or-purity

I hope what I have shared has been of help to you.

May God bless you and give you the wisdom and strength you need,

 

Bill Greguska

 

 

 


 

Question:

I need a Pastor to talk to. How? No money 🙁

Response Letter:

Morning TJ,

 

It appears to me that you do not have a church that you belong to. If that is the case, I encourage you to find a local Bible-believing church in your area. Here is a link that can help you do so. NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church

 

The pastors that I have talked to in my life have never charged me any money for their help, I have freely offered them money, but nobody had charged me, except one time when I went to a specific pastor/counselor, then there was a charge.

 

Keep in mind that you can always take your concerns to Jesus Christ in prayer. Here is a link that can help you in doing so.needencouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

Two more ideas for you:

  1. Call 800=633-3446
  2. Chat with someone NeedEncouragment.com/chat

I hope my suggestions will be helpful to you. I will pray that the opportunity to talk to a pastor or Christian friend opens up for you.

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

(Continued)

Sorry, Sir, I reside in Indonesia.

I have a church here, but I can’t talk to any church in my town, as my situation might worsen.

That’s why I look for an online solution, to begin with

TJ

 

Response Letter:

Hi TJ,

I am a little confused by your comment.

You do not need to tell me what you have done or what someone has done to you.

In that case, I would try the following three suggestions that I have listed below.

I will pray that whatever you are going through right now, that you know that Jesus Christ knows about it and is there for you to lean on, ask God for wisdom, and He will give it to you generously without finding fault.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety upon him, for he cares for you.

Bill Greguska

 


 

 

Question:

I really need spiritual counseling regarding my relationship.

 

Response Letter:

Good Morning Wendy,

Your request is pretty vague, so I will try to answer it the best I can. Asking that question in the first place makes me think that you are convicted in your heart that something is not quite right. If that is true, that would be the Holy Spirit convicting you to do what is right. Remember that God is a gentleman who does not make us obey or love Him; rather, he freely allows us to choose to obey and love Him on our own.

First, have you taken your relationship that you are referring to, to God in prayer? NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

My next question would be, do you think your relationship honors and glorifies God or grieves His heart?

I am sure you have the answers to these questions, and I hope this has helped you. If you need to chat with a Christian or talk on the phone with a Christian who could help you more, visit NeedEncouragement.com/talk-with-someone or call 800-633-3446.

I pray that you seek to find the answer to your question if you have not already found it through this email.

God bless you,

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

 

Question:

I use to be a person that would retaliate when someone hurt me. I use to be evil. I’m not that person anymore. But people are still seeing me as that person. They are talking about me, calling me names, and trying to make me react like I used to. I prayed about it, but it’s still bothering me. But I’m trying to let go.

 

Response Letter:

Hi Maria,

When I read your note to me, I asked myself why you spend time with people who do not appreciate you? I figured that this must be a situation at work or something.  If that is the case, which I am not for sure, it is, but if it is, then you ought to let your supervisor be aware of this situation.

2 Corinthians 5:17 says, Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

If it is just old “friends,” it sounds like you need new friends. Do you attend a church? Here is a link that will help you find a good church in your area. NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church

Since you are not that old person any longer, even though it hurts, do not let name-calling and words affect you. Remember that old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can not hurt me.” Try to keep that in mind, and be sure to pray before you get yourself in the area of these ignorant people. Check out NeedEncouragement.com/love-your-enemies

You might want to offer them something small like a can of soda to break the ice and let them know you are no longer that same person. Keep praying that you stay that new person that you are. Stay close to God. Keep in mind what it says in James 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

When you prayed to God about this, what did you hear that God told you to do? Keep on doing what is right, and you will find this matter to pass by soon. Romans 12:17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.

Bill Greguska Smiling face with halo

 


 

Question:

I need prayer in all areas of life. I’m a young childless widow trying to begin again.

Response Letter:

Hi Arena,

 

I am very sorry to hear about your loss, and my first thought would be to point you to a group called “Greif Share” their website is www.GriefShare.org.

I will also like to send you a couple of links that might be of help to you.

In the meantime, I would strongly advise you to be around people you know and care about you. Isolation is not a good thing, God has created us to be social creatures, and in time when you are done grieving your loss, the Lord might put someone in your life.

I hope you have a church that you attend. If not, check out this link…NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church
I pray that the grief and loneliness for the loss of your husband can be comforted by God and his loving grace, and I pray that you seek God each day, and I am sure that you will start to see more hope in your life.

I hope my prayer and these links and words I have shared will satisfy your need at this time.needencouragement.com/how-to-pray.

Feel free to call 800-633-3446.
God bless you!

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

I am really seeking help through the word to help me not be jealous. I have never felt this way before. Every time my boyfriend talks to another girl or makes them laugh, I get this horrible jealousy feeling in me, and I don’t like it, and I want to be able to stop it, and I need help.

 

Response Letter:

Hi Aubree,

Thanks for sharing with me. I would say that you and your boyfriend need to talk. You are not secure in your relationship with him. He might not be out of line because it is reasonable to speak with others of the opposite sex. There must be some root that has come up to disturb you. My pastor’s wife, Sue Sauer, told me something very valuable, and I will tell you the same. When we have people or things in our lives, we ought not to hold on to them with white knuckles so tightly because all people and things are gifts from God that need to be placed on an open palm. After all, if God decides to take the person or thing from you, it will not be devastating.

Do not get me wrong; I am not saying that you ought to allow your boyfriend to do whatever he pleases with other women, but you need first to examine your jealousy and figure out what is healthy or what is unhealthy about it. After that, plan to have a sit-down talk or go out to eat and discuss your feelings with him.

Here are a couple of links that I think might be of help to you:

 

NeedEncouragement.com/be-a-good-friend

NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

 

I pray that you can differentiate the difference between normal jealousy compared to unhealthy jealousy. You can use this situation to see if you and your boyfriend are compatible before going any further with your relationship. If you get married to him or anyone else, if you have not worked out your jealousy issue, you are in for a lot of heartache and pain.

May God bless you and open your eyes to what you need to learn.

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

I need the encouragement to help who I am, I have sinned, and I know Jesus had died for our sins. Still, I want to stop sinning because I fear that I won’t be accepted into heaven, and I need encouragement because my boyfriend is leaving for basic training in October. I feel like I won’t be able to make it the 11 weeks that he is gone. I want to have god Jesus and my angel(s) by my side when that time comes so I can be helped, but with my sins, will those prevent me from getting help from the lord or my angel(s)? Please help

 

Response Letter:

 

Good morning Autumn,
I thank you for reaching out to us. We all need encouragement, and obviously, you see your need for it right now concerning your boyfriend.  To answer your questions, the best way is to point you to Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. You mentioned that you know that Jesus had died for your sins, but do you understand that he died for your sins. Do you really believe that? If so, you have nothing to worry about, although you need to reflect on your relationship with God if you are in doubt.
We will never stop sinning because we are all sinners, but your desire to stop sinning is great.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
As far as what you said about doubting you will make it the 11 weeks of your boyfriend’s basic training, it tells me you are very close to him and that you guys must have talked about getting married at some point. Keep in mind that since you know Jesus, you know you will not be alone and that the time away, if spent wisely, will be beneficial to both of you in your personal growth.
My pastor’s wife told me something that has helped me that might help you; she said, “we need to keep everyone and everything in an open palm to the Lord.” That way, if the Lord, in your case, temporarily takes your boyfriend from you for 11 weeks, that it will not hurt so badly.
Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. During the time apart, you can focus on your family and friends you might not have spent much time with lately because of your relationship with your boyfriend. Plan some things to do and people to do them with, write your boyfriend letters and talk with him if and when you can. You will be okay, actually more than okay. You will be stronger. You will discover who you are and what your potential in life is.
If you need someone to talk with, you can call 800-633-3446 or go to NeedEncouragement.com/talk-with-someone.
I will be praying that you walk closer to the Lord and that he strengthens you and comforts you while your boyfriend is at basic training.
Bill Greguska
Question:

I am a 47-year-old Male with extreme hatred and bitterness in my heart for God. I so hate my life and the things that he has allowed that I curse him nearly every day. In fact, I don’t even believe he is real anymore, but I continue to hate him daily. I struggled for more than a decade to truly believe he is real and that he has a plan for me. I’ve quit believing only to turn back months or years later. I want things that he has made almost impossible for me to have, which makes me angry only.

I am angry at myself, as well. I’ve tried to understand why anyone has to suffer negative events at all in this life, but I get it that some of us are just not meant to be happy. The “experts” say we should want nothing more than God, but that has been a struggle. I want a woman’s love. I wanted to be a father. I wanted to know what it’s like to love someone, but this seems like something God doesn’t want me to have.

I used to think the devil was out to get me. I decided that it was God who was out to keep me from being happy. I decided long ago that I would not ever return to trying to live a Christian life since it seems like I am not going to get what I want. I am consumed with hatred for God and myself. Again, I don’t even think he is real anymore. I guess I just need something to blame for what happened to me that was out of my control. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, and I am not blaming God for the fallout from my own mistakes.

He has made it so that I cannot attract a woman. Since I’ll never be a father, the least he could have done was make it easier for me to attract a mate. Part of me wants to continue hating God, and part of me wants to work on eliminating the hatred and rage from my inner being. I’m too old to continue to let life’s negative events keep me down. I’ve tried to accept what I can’t control and forget about being happy and loved, but I can’t. It’s what I want.

I don’t believe Bible verses will help me, but I need someone to help me rid myself of these relationship-killing feelings. I keep to myself because it seems to be my lot in life. If you responded with something that I can use to begin a path to return to the living individual that I believe still lurks inside, I would be grateful. I don’t go to church anymore since I stopped believing. Thank you in advance for any help you can give me.

 

Response Letter:

Hi Cornell,

 

Thank you for contacting us, and I hope that my words will point you to a better place in your life. I  understand that you have chosen not to believe in God any longer, and I am sorry to hear that your life has become full of extreme hatred and bitterness, as you mentioned to me.

 

You asked me to help you, and since you say that you are so far from God at this point, When you did go to church and believed in God, I can only imagine that your life was better than it is now. Having hatred and bitterness is a frame of mind and heart that I am sure you want to be delivered from.

There is an expression that says, “If a person makes a mistake and continues to do the thing and expecting different results, that is a definition of insanity.” From your letter, I do not think by any means that you are insane, but you have been incredibly hurt by someone or some people in your life, and possible disappointments.

Since you do not believe in God or the Bible or that scripture can be of help to you, I guess I would suggest that you try to try something new, which is to go back to your old church or even a new church and sit down and talk to your pastor about these things you shared with me. That is what I would do if I were you!

I know it must be miserable to be so full of hatred and bitterness, but there is hope for you and all of us!

For me, my life was unmanageable for many years, from about the time I was 18 to the time I was about 26, and what I did was to lean on the Lord, and I started to trust God and learn what his plan for my life was beside drugs, alcohol, and trouble.

Your other option is to keep on doing what you are doing and expecting different results, but you know what will result in doing that. You say that you are not on good terms with God. In that case, I would at least look at this link because it might help you. http://needencouragement.com/get-right-with-god

You may also want to call 800-633-3446. Or you can chat with someone.

http://needencouragement.com/chat

In the meantime, since I do believe in God and the Bible and that scriptures can point us to what we need in life, in that case, I hope you do not mind if I pray for you!  One thing I want you to do for me since you asked for my help is for you to take 5 minutes to make a list of all the blessings in your life (good things that are happening, such as your health, a place to sleep at night, food to eat, people to talk with, possibly a job, or someone or some people who have helped you out in the past.)

After making your list, try to find the good in all people and situations you are in. In other words, an attitude of gratitude. If you need any help with this list, I am asking you to complete it, and you can always check out for additional ideas http://needencouragement.com/gratitude.

Cornell, you are in my prayers that God can bless you somehow so that you can understand and rekindle your relationship with God, or any way that God can make himself real to you again! I also pray for your extreme hatred and bitterness that God does a miracle in your life!

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

I can’t afford to counsel. I can barely afford to eat. I’m working full time and taking care of my adult son and disabled family member. I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. My finances are depleted. I pray not to wake up every night, so I don’t have to worry and work all day.

I have plantar fascists in both feet, had a brain tumor removed that made me dead on my left side, no balance unless I’m very careful, and so very tired of this entire situation that there seems to be no end. No help. No agencies will help cause they say that the age of the people I take care of is too young. They are 40 and 49. My son is a drug user. My cousin is in a bad physical condition that he cannot get help for. No doctor around here wants to believe him. I’m just tired of trying, tired of working, tired of living.

Why can’t I just go home to God?

 

Response Letter:

Hi Julie,

 

I really feel your pain, and I am sorry that your burden is heavy in this season of your life. The first obvious thing I would suggest to you is to take this ALL to God in prayer. Then pray that God can speak to you through someone like a pastor, best friend, relative, maybe even me. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray 

As far as you said that you could not afford to counsel, the real thing is, you can not afford not to have counseling. Not all counseling costs money. Julie, do you realize that prayer is a wonderful form of counseling? Here is a link to chat with a Christian online or talk to a Christian on the phone. Maybe there is a friend you could reach out to who knows you well and can give you some compassion and support. Trying to do things on your own is a recipe for disaster. God has put people in our lives because we are relational people who need each other. NeedEncouragement.com/talk-with-someone

To address your question, “Why can’t I just go home to God?” The answer to that is that God still has a plan for your life! Thinking or wishing not to be here any longer will make your burden that much heavier. I went through a divorce years ago. I took care of my 93-year-old mother for eight years, I was depressed, and I, too, asked God the same question you asked. He gave me the same answer I just gave you! Keep in mind that life is like a river. It may seem as though each day is the same and that the water going by looks the same, but it is new each day, and in time, your situation will change too. Be patient and trust that God has a plan for your life, and seek after God to find out what He wants you to do? NeedEncouragement.com/depression

I would suggest that you get some help. I am not sure exactly what you need, but you need some assistance, it is obvious! What about your church? The church is there to help you in spiritual matters and other matters in life, and churches have resources to help so that I would give your church a call. If you do not have a church, check out this link.needencouragement.com/find-a-good-church.

I pray that what I have shared with you both from my own experiences in my life, also what I have learned from God’s word and what he has revealed to me. Please reach out to the links that I provided and also this phone number 800-633-3446. I am sure that if you try what I have suggested, your situation will improve, or you will be able to see things in a different light.

God bless you and keep you. May his face shine upon you and give you grace!

Bill Greguska

 

Julie’s Response Back

 

Thank you for the encouragement. I have a friend who tries to encourage me, but I really try not to burden her too much. She talks about the blessings of God, and I see them in her life as well as what I might call the defeats as well, but she doesn’t let them stop her. Unfortunately, I’ve relied on friends before, but some people aren’t equipped with the ability to see you succeed past what they actually want you to. It usually ends the friendship if I end up doing better than they want. Maybe it’s their flaw that they want to be needed, but as I begin to stand on my own, they generally don’t like that and become underhanded, so I’m very reluctant to involve people.

I can barely make it through a work week now and have not found a church in my area that I feel comfortable in. I was in a strict Pentecostal Church for 10 years, and I just have certain beliefs that not many have. The new music and technology leave me feeling cold inside.

I’m tired. I’m just so tired. I miss my family who has passed on. None are left here that love me. I would never consider suicide, but I wouldn’t fight death if it came. I want and need some peace, love, and understanding.

Everyone expects me to do and fix everything. I’m close to a nervous breakdown, I feel.

 

I’ll try the links. Thank you for writing back.
Julie

 


 

 

Question:

Hi, I just want to inquire about a Christian counselor. I would be very grateful to have a believer to talk to.

Response Letter:

Hi Tolu,

It is wonderful that you are interested in learning about a Christian counselor. God’s Word will lead you to where you need to be!

I first would suggest that you pray about your request to God. He will lead you to what exactly you need and who you need to talk to.

You can check out NeedEncouagement.com/how-to-pray.

Also, you can then call 800-633-3446, or you can contact NeedEncouragement.com/chat.

I pray that you get the counseling that you need as soon as possible.

God bless you!

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

Do you counsel outside your location?

 

Response Letter:

Hi Tolu,

 

To directly answer your question, it is no. We do not counsel from this location. I have pointed you to a couple of good resource links and phone numbers 800-633-3446.

Your pastor should help you, but if you do not have a church of your own that you attend, check out this link.needencouragement.com/find-a-good-church.

Follow the Lord!

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

I feel like nobody cares about what happened to me but GOD. I feel like I should have reported physical and mental abuse done to my sister by her husband. I was only was fifteen at the time, and my sister told me not to tell anyone! I saw the abuses with my own eyes, and my brother-in-law holds a gun to my sister’s head. He always would beat the children. But my sister made me promise not to tell anyone about it. I was also molested by my brother from the age of ten to thirteen.

I told my sister, and she told me not a big deal. I have never told anyone else, not even my husband of 37 years. I was also raped when I was 18 years old. It was a boyfriend that we had dated for a year and work as missionaries. My brother-in-law would flirt with me, and I’m told my sister, and she said he didn’t mean anything about it.

Last year he sent me a very sexual text, and I showed it to my sister, and she said he doesn’t mean anything about it. I also showed it to my husband, and he said he sick. I told my husband that I forgave my brother-in-law, but I didn’t want to be around him. My husband told me, you’re not a forgiving person who hurts. I feel guilty that I never stop my brother-in-law from.

Response Letter:

Good Morning Lynda,

 

It is very honorable that you want to keep your promise to your sister, yet you need to weigh things out and also figure out if it was fair that your sister made you promise silence in the first place.

 

When people go to treatment, they are promised to have what they share with the counselor that everything is confidential. (kind of like you and your sister) BUT if the counselor knows that the person is at risk of physical harm, or suicide, they are allowed to report it.

Having said this, I think it might be time to break the silence for your sister’s good and your own sake concerning your depression and guilt feelings.

Think of it this way. You can keep things the way they are, and nothing will get better, or you can take a chance to speak up, and healing will begin. I am not saying that it will go smoothly, but as an outsider, it seems the best way to handle the situation you are in to contact the authorities.

I hope this has helped you. I will be praying that God gives you wisdom and strength to do what is right and best! Remember that God is in control, and He will be done.

If you want to speak with someone about things, you can call 800-633-3446

God bless you, and I am sure you will make the right choice!

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Bill Greguska

NeedEncouragement.com/grief

NeedEncouragement.com/chat

NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 


 

Question:

l need to find urgent Christian accommodation as l am being robbed and abused in an over 55 complex and this has now gone on for 15months, and l want to move back to Sydney. Neighbors have told me that it is the secretary, the abuse is making me sick, and l no longer want to live there. Do you know of any type of lockable boarding house near Rockdale?

The abuse is horrific, and it is like living in a war zone. There is a grey beam of light in my bedroom at night, and l don’t know where it is coming from but have been advised to get out. I find it very hard to trust people, and I just want to get out ASAP. I am not in paid employment as I injured my back and legs at work from a Nursing career. How much does the counseling cost? Deborah

Response Letter:

Hi Deborah,

 

I am sorry it took longer than usual to get back to you, I am not sure what to tell you what to do, but I do now that you need to pray about your situation. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray.

You are having some dark days. If you are being robbed, you would need to contact your local police department and report your loss.

Likewise, it does sound like the counsel you received to leave your apartment to find a new place to live.

Do you have a church you attend? If not, check out NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church.

Trust that God has a better plan for you in your life, be sure to pray to discover exactly what His will for you is during this time in your life.

I pray that you find wisdom and peace as you to the Lord for your strength!

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

I am Hopeless after divorce and abuse by my husband. I need help and counseling.

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Julie,

Without knowing more about what you are dealing with, specifically, I can tell you that God can and will help you when you call out to Him in prayer. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray would be my first suggestion.

Do you attend church regularly if you do not have a church and would like to find one that could help you with fellowship and hearing God’s word spoken to you each week.

You would also benefit from reading from your Bible, a good book to start in would be Proverbs or 1 John, but actually, you would benefit from just about anywhere you started to read.

  1. Are you eating healthy? Are you getting enough sleep?
  2. Be sure you get some exercise, drink plenty of water, and reach out to close friends, do not isolate yourself.
  3. Are you feeling rejected still? NeedEncouragement.com/rejection
  4. Are you holding on to resentments? NeedEncouragement.com/forgiveness

You say that you need counseling. I would suggest finding a counselor by Monday because you might not ever get the help you need if you procrastinate. Keep praying for yourself, and I will pray for you too. I pray that God gives you wisdom and peace of mind knowing that you are His child, and He has a plan for your life.

Bill Greguska

 

Thanks. I need to speak to someone in NeedEncouragement as I don’t know what to do in the future.

Hi Julie,

 

Have you prayed about this since I responded to you earlier? I am a Christian, and the advice I gave you is about as much as I can offer you at this time. Please find yourself a counselor and keep on praying.

 

I pray that you try to do what the Bible says in Peter 5:7. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

 

You can call 800-633-3446 and talk to someone who can give you more help. Please re-read what I wrote to you and try to follow my suggestions.

God bless you,

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

 

Question:

 

I was praying and trusting God for a wife, and God brought my wife into my life in 2012. Once we got to know each other, we realized that we had some genetic incompatibility that could affect our children should we go forward. We fasted and prayed to seek the Lord’s will and sought Christian counsel to know if God was telling us not to marry or trust him. All the counsel we received was to go forward and trust God. I really fasted and prayed as well, just to be sure I heard God clearly. I believed I heard God clearly at that time that he wanted us to move forward in faith and that all will be well. My wife had the same conviction too.

 

We had our first and second children, and they both have the genetic disease that we knew was a possibility. To make matters worse, each child’s chances of having the disease is one out of four children. The doctors said our case is unfortunate for both our children to have the sickness. The first three years were God as we were still holding on to the faith that God will see us through and that his will, will be done. However, the last year and a half have really been a struggle as the weight of caring for them began to wear on us. My wife and I have found ourselves questioning the goodness of God and why he did not lead us from the troubles since we really wanted direction and open to his instruction when deciding to get married.

 

To make matters worse, we even found out our Children’s condition could have been avoided if we had sought a genetic counselor’s counsel and have children through IVF. I’ve always been a practical person, even with my faith, and I felt like I did not apply wisdom in the biggest decision of my life (outside my salvation). My children get sick a lot as a result of the decision I made. There’s hardly a day I don’t think about the decision and how things could have been different if I had just spoken to a genetic counselor instead of a spiritual counselor.

It’s really affected my ability to pray and trust God. I feel like God was absent and did not guide me when I really needed his direction the most. I feel guilty, and it has affected everything around me, and I’m just not sure how to move forward. I’m spending tonight writing this in the hospital because my daughter is not well, and it goes back to the decision I made. It looks like my whole life revolves around just one bad decision, and my children will bear the results even after me.

I believe God can heal them, but I don’t even have faith in God right now because of my trust issues. The year 2018 has been the worst year I can remember in every aspect, especially in my spiritual walk. It’s like my relationship with God just disappeared. I’ve not moved from the things of God anymore because of the constant guilt/hurt and unanswered questions. I really cannot reconcile my reality with the promises I believe God made me.

Somehow I need to know how to break free from where I am.

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Olu,

 

I am very sorry to hear that you are struggling, yet I encourage you to stand firm, knowing that God is in control. He will not give you and your family (and me) more than we can handle without a way out from under it. Pray to God for His guidance and His grace. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

Try to make the best of what is going on, reach out to your church for support and the community for any assistance they may offer. Remember what it says in 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him, for He cares for you.

 

I will pray that you and your wife can find peace in your situation and that God watches over your children. We all have regrets in our life, but if we are wise, we cast our sorrows on to the Lord and not pick them up again.

I know it might be difficult for you and your wife, but if you could, especially now, try to find things to be grateful for. NeedEncouragement.com/gratitude

 

No matter if God heals them or not, that ought not to affect your opinion of the Greatness of God. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, so please do not lose heart. Instead, pray each day and also fast, pleading to God for healing. Remember that God is good all the time, all the time, God is good. Again, I am sorry to hear that you all are struggling. This all must be very challenging for you.

In the meantime, take good care of yourself, your wife, and your kids. Find your support from your church or Christian counselor who could walk with you through your difficulties.

May God bless you and keep you and your family safe and healthy.

Bill Greguska

 

 


Question:

Hello,

I just got married, and I’m pregnant. We have a blended family. All our children are under 10. We each have 2 young children. My husband and I have difficulty communicating, and he said he wouldn’t speak to me until I get a counselor because I don’t listen to him. Being ignored is deeply hurting me. So we really need help. How soon can we speak to someone? We are both saved/believers.

 

Response Letter:

Hi Sharon,

 

Maybe look at it that your husband wants to talk with you but is afraid that it would not be productive without a counselor involved. If you can use this time to talk more about superficial things until you get yourselves a counselor, that might be a blessing in disguise. Sometimes taking a temporary rest from deep-involved conversations that so often turn into arguments could be just what you guys need.

Keep in mind that your husband and I are men, and we do not understand what you must be going through being pregnant and being a woman. Trust that your husband loves you and is trying to do his very best. I do not know the whole story, but it sounds like your husband loves you and wants the best for both of you and your children!

Please try to continue to pray about this and pray for your husband to find a counselor for the two of you real soon. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

You might not like what he is proposing, but maybe he has a great idea if you step back and think. Talk about other things, go to a movie, take a walk, play a board game, laugh, and enjoy life. Life is too short of taking so seriously.

You can call 800-633-3446 to talk to a trained Christian counselor that might help shed some more light on your situation.

May God bless you while you go through this struggle. I will pray for peace, wisdom, trust, and love between the two of you!

Bill Greguska

 

Response Back To Me

Hello Bill,

 

Thank you so much. Yes, I completely agree with you. I would be open to speaking about superficial things. He completely ignores me, though. Like no speaking at all as if I don’t exist. It hurts me deeply, and I feel so alone here already because I just moved from Canada. I do believe all you said is true. I just wish he wouldn’t ignore me like that. I’m really hurting about it. I feel to I just leave for a few days rather than walk around the apartment and be ignored. It scares me, too, because it’s so painful. I’m really praying and asking God to help me and be with me in this tough time. I really need the Lord to do that for me.

 

Hi Sharon,

Do not lose heart. Trust that God put you together with your husband, and God will be faithful to complete what He has started. Have faith that things will be okay, and get yourself a counselor asap. Don’t forget to lean on your other friends in the meantime. I pray that you get a counselor by no later than Monday, okay? Please make this a top priority!

Bill Greguska

 

Hello Bill, Thank you so very much for ministering to me. Is there any way possible you can talk to the two of us Monday morning or afternoon? This is so important for us and of course our very young children. My number is

 

Hi Sharon,

 

No, I am very sorry we do not do that. You will need to get yourself a counselor, as I suggested.

Or you can call 800-633-3446 to talk to a trained Christian counselor that might help shed some more light on your situation until you get a real counselor, as I suggested.

God bless you,

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

 

Question:

My name is Carlos. I need HELP coping and knowing how to deal with my current situation with my wife. She seems to be in love with a guy who used to be my friend (even though she says he’s just a friend), I treated him like a son, lived with us for a few months, but I know they’ve had an inappropriate relationship for more than a year.

They both betrayed my trust, and even though we’ve been separated for four months (living in the same house but sleeping in different rooms), things have not changed, and as a matter of fact, she has changed even more. She is still keeping in contact with this fella even after I asked him to leave my house and stay away from my wife; apparently, she looked for him, and he hasn’t been able to resist the temptation. I’m pretty sure they have been intimate (especially since she goes out and sometimes doesn’t come back home until the following day).

She says she likes her freedom, especially now that she works. I’m pretty sure she has been seeing this guy who gives her all kinds of gifts and money. She has become very ambitious. The worst part is that we have two teenage boys and a five-year-old daughter suffering a lot from all this ordeal. I don’t know what to do, I’ve prayed and have been lovely with her, and she makes me feel at times that things could be worked out, but since I feel she is probably in love with this other guy, she says she is not ready to recommit to God or me.

I asked her to cut all ties with this guy, but she says she won’t because he’s a really good friend. She was born in the faith but is mad at God for many reasons and does not want to know anything about God. I feel trapped and don’t know what to do.

 

Response Letter:

Hi Carlos,

 

I am very sorry to hear what you and your wife are going through. Without knowing all the important details, I think that a counselor is very appropriate at this time.

You are only speculating with a couple of things you mentioned, yet I understand your thinking. I would feel jealous too. But what can you do to make things better?

  1. The first thing I would suggest would to pray about this situation and pray with her too. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray
  2. The second thing is to physically un-divide your house and get back in the same bedroom with your wife asap (today if possible). Four months is too long to withdraw from one another. You are setting the stage to get either a separation or divorce if you do not do something soon. Maybe make yourself more available to your wife so that this other guy would not get so much of your wife’s attention. Have you been treating your wife in a loving, respectful manner?
  3. The third thing I would suggest would be to get a counselor asap, preferably a Christian counselor. Set this up Monday, and do not procrastinate doing this.

Feel free to call 800-633-3446 and talk to a trained Christian counselor. You got to do all you can to keep your marriage together. You have to fight for your marriage; otherwise, the devil will sneak in and break apart the two of you. It will take some work, but it is much less work than dealing with a divorce, which I went through in 2007. I will be praying for you, and you pray too!

Since you wrote to me, I have faith that you can handle this situation. Otherwise, why would you even ask for help in the first place? I am telling you that you just need God to show you what to do, how to do it, and believe that He can reconnect your marriage and family.

All you can do is to do all you can do. Your wife will determine part of this. (when was the last time you bought her flowers or took her out to eat or anything else that she would like to do? That might be a helpful start to show her in a material-type way that you love her.

God bless you and keep close to God and stay calm!

Bill Greguska

Check out these links. They might be helpful to you.

 

 

 

 


 

Question:

Hi, I’m a Christian. I deal with this ongoing anxiety and some depression. My pastor recommended I find a coach or counselor for my downtimes. I had a rough childhood, just dealing with anger from my past. I would like to be on your email list, please. I took down your number to maybe call sometime.

 

Response Letter:

Hi Sherry,
I can understand your situation with depression. The first thing I would suggest you do would be to pray about this depression you are experiencing. Check out NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray
Maybe there is a reason for depression, such as situational depression. Sometimes, a loss of a family member, friend, divorce, loss of a job, broken relationship, etc., can trigger depression.  I suffered from terrible depression 2 major times in my life. All I can say is that being on anti-depressants for a few months is not a bad idea. I was on Cymbalta for several months, and it seemed to take the weight off me relatively quickly, so I could start to function again. Be sure to contact your doctor.
In the meantime, I will pray for you that you keep busy and try to exercise at the very least by walking daily and keeping in touch with your friends and family as much as possible. Do not isolate yourself. That is not a good idea at all. Try to stay away from sugar, alcohol, and be sure to get on a regular sleeping schedule such as 10:00 or 11:00 pm, depending on your schedule.
Also, feel free to call 800-633-3446 any time 24/7.
My last suggestion would be to encourage someone else by doing something out of your way for someone else, such as an older person, disabled person, or anyone. This will help them, but it will also help you get out of your problem (which in fact is is a problem), but this way, you will be focusing on someone else besides yourself. I did that years ago, and it did help me a lot. I even started this website because my pastor and his wife suggesting that I encourage others with the encouragement that I received from Christ during all the difficulties I experienced in my life.
You will be okay, Sherry, it may take a little while, but you will see the Son Shine again soon. (not a typo)
May God bless you,
Bill Greguska 

 

 

Question:

I have been addicted to porn, and masturbation is a Christian hope to find one of your free counseling or one of your Christian friends who will be dedicated to helping me. I really want to change cos I love God. Still, porn has been holding me back sometimes, and I feel like I will never get free; I hope you help me.

 

Response Letter:

Hi Joseph,

 

I am very glad you contacted us to let you know that pornography is an addiction besides being a sin. The good thing is that you want help with this issue. To let you know that there is help for all sins, God does not look at one sin bigger than another. All sin is sin!

 

The first thing I would suggest to you is to pray about it. Here is a link to help you pray if you do not pray regularly.

 

NeedEncouragement.com/how-to- pray

 

After you have prayed about it, then I would like you to go to:

 

Needencouragement.com/pornography and also

 

NeedEncouragement.com/pornography-or-purity

There are many resources on the two pornography pages. In the meantime, I will be praying for you and that God hears your prayers that you want to live a pure life even though you are struggling with pornography right now. I pray that the chains that got your heart will be broken, and you can walk free of this ugly sin and addiction.

You can also call 800-633-3446 to talk to a Christian counselor 24/7.

 

Bill Greguska

 

Reply Back

Thanks for your help am in Ghana I feel like not having someone helping me is also plays a role in why I am addicted. I quit for a month or two, pray hard, read my bible, and I am back to this in the next I know. Sometimes I feel like quitting, but I know quitting doesn’t help me anyway. If I could get a mentor to help me, I will be very happy. And you might say why not find one here in Ghana is really difficult cause I tried most, and you don’t see the dedication is like you are burdening them and the moment you fall you feel worse .am going to try out the pages, but personal help will be beneficial.

Joseph

 


Question:

Is the counseling on this website really free?

Robert

 

Response Letter:

Good morning Robert,

Yes, you can get free online counseling by going to NeedEncouragement.com/talk-with-someone.

 

You can also call 800-633-3446 to talk to someone on the phone.

 

It would recommend that it is important to find a good Bible-believing church to attend to get regular fellowship and teaching from God’s word.

Visit NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church

 

I hope these suggestions help you out. I will pray that whatever you do, it brings you closer to Jesus Christ.

 

May God bless you and direct your steps!

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

I just want to chat with someone about some family issues and marriage issues. I am an older adult Christian. I am having problems with depression too.

Lucia

 

Response Letter:

Hi Lucia,

I see that you would like to chat with someone about family and marriage issues, etc.

You can do so by following this link to be able to chat with someone who cares. NeedEncouragement.com/chat

I pray that before you chat, I encourage you to take your concerns to the Lord first if you have not already done so. Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Have a blessed day!

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

I want to restore my faith in the Lord. I have led myself astray, and I know he still loves me, and I’m ready to return to my Heavenly Father before it’s too late. He’s been calling me, and I have ignored him for too long. I am a living testimony of his love for us. I’m reaching out to someone to help me.

George

 

 

Response Letter:

Hi George,

You do not need to reach out to someone to help you reach out to God directly!

You would benefit from getting back to your church and also talk with your pastor.  If you left your church for some reason, check out NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church.

If you need to talk with someone online, you can go to NeedEncouragement.com/talk-with-someone. If you rather talk to someone on the phone, you can call 800-633-3446.

It seems that you have an idea of what you need to do, but you need some encouragement to do it. NeedEncouragement.com/get-right-with-god

I pray that you do not put off this vital thing because you are right when you say that it might be too late if you keep putting it off.

May God bless you and welcome you back with open arms that I know He will.

 

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

I always believed I was a Christian, but why still struggling with addictions and so many habitual/besetting sins?? Idk. Help!! (Am I really a Christian, why so hard to overcome??) I feel so stuck in the muck.

Stacey

 

 

Hi Stacey,

It is good to hear from you, and it is also good to hear that your sin is bothering you. Otherwise, if it were not bothering you, you would have even a bigger problem with a hardened heart.

We all struggle with sin, you are not the only one, but it is good that it is upsetting. It ought to be. My sin upsets me too! Then I confess it to God, and God will be faithful to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Do not continue to sin because God is full of mercy and grace, but rather turn from your sins with God’s help to honor the one who created you and loves you dearly!

The first thing I would suggest would be to pray about your situation. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray and include God in these battles you are dealing with!

You mentioned sins (plural). May I suggest trying to tackle one at a time (not that you won’t try to deal with the other one (s) but try to get one under control first?

Do you have a church you attend or a pastor that you know? NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church if you do, contact them and get yourself back into church and fellowship with others who are believers who struggle with their sin who themselves can encourage you and give you some accountability.

If you do not have a Bible, then visit NeedEncouragement.com/free-bible to get a free Bible for yourself. I would suggest reading 1 John 1-5, which are just a few pages but packed with a lot of wisdom and encouragement.

If you commit your sin (s) in the same place with the same people, try to avoid these places and people. Keep yourself in prayer each morning to start your day, and pray throughout your day too!

Feel free to call 800-633-3446 to talk to someone who cares and would like to help you!

I will pray for you, Stacey, that this apparent stronghold you have on you will be cast far from you in Jesus’ Name!

Bill Greguska

 

Continued…

Been in church and praying with others, even trying accountability but not doing well still. I need to be obedient and get out of my own ways! Thank u so much! I need lots of prayers.

Stacey

 

Hi Stacey,

There is no better time than now to start. Do the best you can! With Christ, all things are possible. It sure beats not even trying…Right?

Avoid the temptations, avoid the places you fall into temptation, replace the old habits with new ones. Plus, get out and get some exercise. It works great on stress and temptations, and remember to hold on to God!

I am praying for you!

 

Bill Greguska

 

Continued…

It’s been a long time falling into temptation over and over! Too many strongholds. Your website is so wonderful, thank you! Stacey

Hi Stacey,
I am glad you have an accountability partner that will be helpful for you. Needencouragement.com/accountability-partner/  
I know you know this, but just a reminder that you do not need actually to be in church to pray, Matthew 26:41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

I am praying that you will grow stronger in your walk with the Lord.
How long did it take you to get to the place you are right now? Keep in mind that it might take some time to get used to your new lifestyle. Do not give up!!!!!!!

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

Help regarding anxiety and moving. I would like to get some advice to help me move forward with my life and live a healthy life. I prefer a phone call after 3 pm central. XXX-XXX-XXXX Thank you

Jane

 

Response Letter:

Hi Jane, I am sorry that I do not do phone counseling. My ministry is website-based, but if you need someone to chat with, you can go to NeedEncouragement.com/chat, or you can call 800-633-3446 any time.

I can give you some great advice by reminding you to pray to God for whatever it is that you are doing, though. I will pray that you can be organized so that your move will not be too stressful.

 

May God bless you,

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

Backslid badly, sinned willfully. I ruined my testimony and backslid for three years. I have returned to Jesus, but I know those years are gone and that I could have used them for God’s Glory.

What can I do? I feel useless, ashamed, and never thought I would have done this when I first got saved.

I read the parable of the soils the seeds fell into. At times I am fearful. There are many warnings in God’s Word about sinning.

Could you help me, please?

Kathy

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Kathy,

I can understand your frustration and your feeling of being ashamed. But ask yourself, are those feelings coming from God or Satan? My advice to you is to humble yourself and get back on the right road. God loves you more than you could imagine. Yes, sin is wrong, but ask yourself why Jesus came to the world, live, die, resurrect from the dead? The answer is because we are all sinners!!!

God does not require us to get rid of all our sins before having a relationship with Him. He wants us to come as we are. (we all have fallen short of the glory of God)

I thank God that He opened my eyes to my sin back in June of 1986 when I used drugs and alcohol for the last time. The road was not easy, but with God, He made it possible. God will do the same for you no matter your choice of sin in the recent past.

I pray right now for you, Kathy, that you seek a Christian woman who can help you walk through this time in your life. Get hooked back up with your church, and keep your eyes on the Lord, for our sin may be pleasurable for a time, but it leads to pain and death.

Here are a couple of pages you can check out to hopefully help you.

NeedEncouragement.com/get-right-with-god

NeedEncouragement.com/examine-your-life

NeedEncouragement.com/why-do-people-sin

 

God Bless you!

 

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

Can I marry someone who is not willing to go to church and uses bad language?

Tuva

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Tuva,

 

You ask a very important and excellent question. I am assuming that you are a Christian.

 

If you were my daughter, I would write this letter as if I were sending it to her… it says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

Also, I would tell you that if your boyfriend is not willing to go to church, and that is a priority of yours (but if he shows some sincere interest and also a willingness to try to stop using bad language), you could continue to date him for a period of time (maybe a month or two to see if he is showing any effort to clean up his language). If he still does not show any interest in cleaning up his speech or his life, then I would suggest that you seriously “consider” cutting him loose.

There are more factors involved, such as how long you have been dating, do the two of you have any children together, how often he uses bad language and if he feels any remorse when he does (besides the fact that it bothers you).

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what helps build others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

 

You have not shared a lot of information, but if you are sure that you love him and are even mentioning marriage, it would be wise to talk to someone from your church and describe your situation. You are aware that we are all sinners, each with our own flavor of sin. Your boyfriend needs to sit down with you and someone else who can work as a mediator and witness how you ought to proceed depending on his attitude?

Take a more precise look at if you want to be yoked with a non-believer for the rest of your life, or until he would divorce you possibly. I know what I am saying is harsh to you, but believe me, it is better to question now rather than get in a divorce like I did being unevenly yoked.

Another way of looking at your question is what you would tell your very best friend if she said to you that she wanted to marry a guy who used bad language and was unwilling to go to church?

Here is a video that will give you some insights about swearing being a sin or not?

https://www.youtube.com/embed/jzHxJUcnvb0

A couple of questions for you to consider:

 

1. Have you told him how you felt about his bad language?

Colossians 3:8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.

NeedEncouragement.com/power-in-words

2. Have you told him that it bothers you that he does not want to go to church?

Hebrews 10:25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church

3. Does your boyfriend believe in God? If he does, ask him what the Bible says about bad language?

Luke 6:45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

NeedEncouragement.com/sin-temptation

4. I will be praying that God gives you the wisdom to know how to handle the situation that you are in. I will also pray that you pray about this situation too.

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

May God bless you and keep you strong!

 

Bill Greguska

800-633-3446

 


 

Question:

I have been with my wife for ten years, and we’re both Christians. I’m a little stronger than she is. She just started to listen to everything God wants her to do, but we’ve been having problems in our marriage.

I want a divorce. I know God doesn’t like that, but I’m starting not to care and getting discouraged with that because I’m unhappy. I need counseling. We need counseling. Can you help? I don’t want to get a divorce, but I don’t want to because that’s what God does not want. Can you help?

Lonnie

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Lonnie,

 

I will speak from my own experience and also what the Bible says.

First of all, I feel that you need to come to God to pray about this situation… Not to pray about getting a divorce, but pray on how you can strengthen your marriage and get it back on track?

NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

If your spouse cheated on you or abandoned you, forgiveness covers a multitude of sins. God provides an escape via a divorce, but at the same time, God hates divorce, so it is undeniable that you need to do whatever you can do to keep the two of you together. That could be through prayer, getting marital counseling. If your spouse has physically or emotionally hurt you, you can temporarily get out of the situation and seek help from a pastor, marriage counselor,

NeedEncouragement.com/free-christian-couseling

My wife moved out (to find herself) and said she would need 4 months. I gave her the time and space. We did attend marital counseling. Yet, it seemed that she had her mind already made up since I was admitting my responsibilities for the marriage’s failure, yet she could not overlook or forgive me. I did take the narrow gate or the high road sort of speak, and it was excruciating. Then 11 years later, my conscience is clear, and God allowed me to move on with my life in ministry and in general.

NeedEncouragement.com/marriage-tips

NeedEncouragement.com/improve-your-marriage

NeedEncouragement.com/good-marriage

 

My suggestions to you are to:

  1. Pray to God for wisdom and strength to keep the marriage alive.
  2. Search your heart and figure out where you have gone wrong, and become willing to change.
  3. To humble yourself to your spouse, admitting your part of the problems.
  4. Seek marital counseling, pastoral counseling.
  5. Try to find things you can agree upon with your spouse and focus on them.
  6. Try to address the problems with your spouse and find resolutions to them.

I hope my suggestions have been somewhat of a help to you?

 

You can also call 800-633-3446

 

I pray that you seek wise counsel and that your heart can soften towards your spouse, and that your marriage will be revised!!!

 

May God bless you and strengthen your marriage situation. Think back to when you first got married and remembered what drew you to your spouse?

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

I’m interested in email counseling. Do you do that, and how does it work? What are the rates?

Stephan

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Stephen,

 

I would encourage you to visit NeedEncouragement.com/chat and chat with someone online to help you.

There is no cost for the chat, and you may also be interested in talking to someone on the phone by calling 800-633-3446.

I hope and pray that you get the counseling you are searching for, but remember that the best counsel you can get is right from God in prayer and through his word in the Bible.

I can send you an encouraging email approximately once a week to point you to some more godly insights.

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

I am contemplating divorce, and I was wondering if you have a live chat on this site? Thank you.

Laura

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Laura,

I am sorry to hear that you are having doubts about your marriage. I strongly discourage you from contemplating getting a divorce, not even one more day.  God hates divorce, and divorce is not a pretty thing. It is like ripping one flesh into two, very painful for both spouses and all the family and friends involved. I fear God more than I fear man (or my ex). Having said this, I encourage you to consider doing the following.

  • Pray and ask God what He wants you to do? NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray
  • Look at your part in your wishing to contemplate divorce, reflect on your role in it, rather than only your husband’s part.
  • Find someone like your pastor to talk with the two of you.
  • Seek marital counseling.
  • Do all you can do to fill your marriage vows.
  • You can get a divorce on the grounds of abandonment or unfaithfulness, but that is not something that you have to do.
  • If he has been physically or emotionally abusing you, a temporary separation is better than a divorce.

Here is a chat site that might be helpful to you, NeedEncouragement.com/chat

Here is a phone number that might be helpful to you as well. 800-633-3446

Before you continue to contemplate divorce, check out ways to improve the marriage you have.

My wife divorced me, and I did all I could to keep the marriage alive, yet she did not want to keep on trying. She moved out in attempts to “Find Herself,” and then after two years of separation, she divorced me. You may think that divorce will solve your problem, yet it will also open the door for many more problems.

I warn you to do all that is in your power to keep the marriage alive. I will pray that God gives you wisdom and the strength to do what is right, not easy and convenient. Nobody wins in a divorce except the lawyers!

 

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

I need Godly women in my life. I am a 52-year-old woman. I’m friendly, happy, joyful, most of all, I love the Lord Jesus.  I need to understand why Christian women don’t make time to be friends with me.

Julie

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Julie,

 

I am sorry, but I do not understand your question?

Are you looking for a godly woman who can help you in your Christian walk of faith?

You wonder why Christian women don’t make time to be friends with you. Allow me to ask you that same question.

Are you making time to be friends with other Christian women?

There is a page on my website calledneedencouragement.com/be-a-good-friend. Check it out and the rest of the site to see what you can find?

I pray that you keep in mind the saying that you need to be friendly yourself to have good friends.

I hope what I mentioned helps you!

You can also call 800-633-3446 to talk with a trained Christian counselor.

 

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

 

I have a lot of problems in my life. The status of my relationship is affecting me the most.

Shirley

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Shirley,

 

I understand that you are having some relationship problems, although that is a very broad term.

The best thing I can suggest that you do is to pray about it since you did not give me any real information to help you more. Prayer can be the best tool that you have to work with. Check out this page, NeedEncouragment.com/how-to-pray.

I suggest that you call this phone number to talk with someone in more detail. 800-633-3446

Shirley, I pray that the Lord will comfort you in your troubles and give you the wisdom to know what to do.

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

 

God bless you,

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

My husband strongly believes in the husband as the household head, and the woman should be submissive. OK, it says those words in the Bible. Got it.  But it goes to God, husband,  wife,  and family.  We don’t have children together. It’s just us.  But to what extent should a wife be submissive? If her husband is backslid and back to his old ways of drinking daily and taking drugs of all sorts, I am still submissive to what he wants even though he is not sober-minded.

Should I take the abusive words and actions? I mean, I shouldn’t have to live in fear every day not knowing the man he’s going to be from knew minute to the next.  I married him knowing about some of the issues.  He got saved and had become the man I wanted to marry.  Six months later, we got married. Now we had been in a relationship for six years at the time.  My family wonders why I stay and why I married him. 

I feel God has put me here for a reason.  I have left many times and many times have been drawn back to him. I feel God has put me in his life to save him.  Knowing the person he has become since he was saved. He is 80 percent a different man for the better than the man I met.

The Bible says for a wife to her husband, but it also states that a husband should love his wife as God loves the church.

Why does he feel that this means for me to bow down to him and allow him to raise his hand to me or take all the harsh words he says daily to me.

Tiffaney

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Tiffaney,

 

I am glad that your husband has improved 80% since you met him, praise God for that! I also thank God that you are not like so many others who, when their marriage gets difficult, bailout, like what happened in my marriage. You are only partially correct when you say that your husband is the head of the household. I highlighted some scriptures below that I would bet have not been discussed. It sounds to me that you need a pastor or counselor to help you walk through your problems. I would suggest doing that as soon as possible. It does not sound like your marriage is in crisis, but if you continue not to address your issues, things might get worse sorry to say.

Husbands ought to love their wives like Christ loved the church. (what did Christ do for the church?) He gave his life up for the church by dying on the cross.

  • You, the wife, represent the church.
  • Your husband represents Christ.

Here are a couple of pages to our website that can give you some more ideas. I will be praying that you can try to help your husband even more than you have been doing and that he can understand that there is more to being a man than to raise his hand to you and speak harsh words to you daily. (would Christ do that?) But like I said, he is not going to change just because you want him to, but all you can do is pray for him (have you been doing that?) and respect him unless he is doing or saying something against God’s will. That is why I said that a pastor or counselor would be wonderful to mediate between the two of you to keep your marriage alive and strengthen it.

NeedEncouragement.com/improve-your-marriage

NeedEncouragement.com/marriage-tips

NeedEncouragement.com/better-marriage

 

Instructions for Christian Households

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

24 Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,

27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church

30 for we are members of his body.

31 “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

33 However, each of you must also love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

 

On the other hand, read this scripture:

Matthew 7:3-5 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

 

I am sure that you both have a part to play in your marriage situation. Before you think more about what your husband is doing wrong, think and pray about how to figure out what you are doing wrong, even if it is only a couple of things, start working on the log in your eye before you attempt to take the speck of sawdust from your husband’s eye.

 

Keep in mind that men need respect and women need love. There are ways to disagree with your husband while showing respect to him. You do not have to be a doormat for him to walk all over you.

 

Have you told him recently how he can show more love to you? Try asking him, but do not expect that he will change his ways overnight, but at least you planted the seed in his mind and heart to know what would please you.

 

  1. I pray that you will pray about your marriage and pray for your husband.
  2. I pray that you seek to talk to a pastor or counselor.
  3. I pray that you continue to respect your husband (but if he mistreats you by raising his hand to your or swearing at you, do not allow that to continue!
  4. I pray that your marriage gets stronger and that God works in the hearts of both you and your husband.
  5. I pray that you might introduce some romance with your husband.

 

May God bless you and give you the wisdom to make your marriage better!

 

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

Hello, my name is Peter John Duos. About myself, I am from South Sudan. My family and I are Christians. We moved to America in 1999, so we’ve been here for quite a very long time now. You are probably wondering why we are you living in America. I was very young when the war happened in my country. Back then, my country was just one big country. It was called Sudan and in the North part of Sudan was where all the Arabs lived. The South was my family, and many Christians lived, and so what happened was the Arabs came on horseback to my village and killed so many Christians, even young infants they show no mercy. But, luckily with God’s amazing grace, he has shielded and protected my family and leads us to safety.

I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters. I am the 4th oldest. Our oldest brother was still in South Sudan when this conflict started. He was in a different area, and my family and I were all together, so we all ran away, leaving him behind, but he is safe. We still get in contact with him over the phone sometimes, and sometimes the signals or connection is bad because he lives in the village.

I am asking for prayers and would also wonder if there was a way you can help me. So I have a friend from the Philippines who is also a Christian, An. She is about 12-13 people under her care, which she mentors and shares God’s words, so we got to know each other pretty well. And she told me that they need bibles for her and youth groups, and I told her that I would pray and see if I can help her because I don’t have a job. I ended up losing my job. After all, I lost my car, so things have been rough for me, but I know God is still working out something for me. My friend needed about 13 bibles and wondered if you could help me out and send me free bibles and make sure to pay you some way once I get a job and back on my feet. I am really looking forward to hearing from you soon. My email is

Thank you, sir. I really appreciate it. God bless!!

 

Response Letter:

Hi Peter, You can ask for a free bible, but it is one per address, and it needs to be in the USA. Just go to the link NeedEncouragement.com/free-bible and follow the links to get one free bible per household.
I hope this is helpful to you. May God richly bless you,

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

I would like an accountability partner.

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Micheal,

It is wonderful that you want an accountability partner. You can visit NeedEncouragement.com/accountability-partner.

Or if you want to ask someone you know if you have a Christian friend who would be willing to do this with you, that would be great. If you do not know one, then you can check out some help from your church. If you do not have a church, then check out NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church. This will help you find a good Bible-believing church in your area.

I pray that you will follow through with what I believe that God put on your heart.

God bless you and keep and share your faith!!!

 

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

I am homeless and hurting badly. No one cares about me, and I have no money and no home and no support, and I am hurting bad, and I need constant encouragement and attention that I never got growing up, and I am all alone, and my needs are not met, and I have no one to lean on and support I need.

Response Letter:

 

Hi Christy,

The first thing I suggest is that you pray and that you pray often. If you are new to praying, Check out NeedEcouragement.com/how-to-pray.

Depending on which city you are living in, you would need to google homeless shelters. You can also check our NeedEncouragement.com/phone-helplines.

It sounds like you have burned some bridges in your life, but remember that the Lord will stick with you and help you walk through this situation as He has done in your past.

Do you attend a church? If not, check out NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church.

Thank you for sharing with me. I will be praying that you can find some light in this darker time of life that you are experiencing right now. I also pray that you keep your eyes on the Lord and that you cast all your anxieties on Him for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5-7

Bill Greguska

 

 

Question:

I am 41 years old and in a difficult situation.  I raised my two daughters alone after my divorce 18 years ago.  My girls are now 20 and 18 years old and in college.  I put myself through college when they were young.  I never felt that I had the time to date.  I worked two jobs much of the time and went to school.  I was also very devoted to my girls.  I decided to start dating this past summer.  I allowed things to get carried away and became intimate too soon.  Despite using protection, I became pregnant. 

I couldn’t go through with an abortion, and he disappeared when I told him I couldn’t terminate.  I feel very ashamed and embarrassed by my situation.  I also feel scared and lonely.  I raised my daughters not to engage in premarital sex.  My oldest daughter is very disappointed in me.  I am now 18 weeks along.  I’m so overwhelmed by the thought of starting over & facing others. I have so many thoughts and feelings.  I want God to help me but feel like I’m being punished.

 

Response:

 

Hi Catherine,

 

You are wise to reach out for help. It is good to get wise counsel, you did not mean to get pregnant, and God knows that too, even better than I can even imagine. My first suggestion is to pray before anything else that you do. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray Yes, you made a mistake (sin), yet you sounded very remorseful and scared about what to do next. God knows your heart, so make sure you guard it. Also, keep in mind that if the Lord is for you, who can be against you?

 

If I were in your situation, I would humbly go to your daughters and tell them how you feel. Your daughter, as you said, is disappointed in you, but the news was a shock to her as well as it was for you. I am sure she loves you and will come to accept reality. It would be wise to tell them what you did was wrong, but the baby inside of you is not wrong. Your baby is a gift from God; you do have two options. One would be to have the baby and look for family and friends who would help support you. That is why I suggested praying first before you do anything!

 

The second option would be to carry the baby full term and then adapt it to a good couple. These are the only two really good options that you have. You do NOT have to decide today, but take a few days or even weeks to assess things and plan to raise the baby or adopt the baby to a good couple.

 

You will have to weigh out the pros and cons about keeping the baby and raise the baby yourself with help or giving the baby away, but those are the ONLY 2 good choices like I mentioned, and you agree!

You might also want to contact a counselor and possibly someone in the field of adoption — a counselor or a wise Chrisitan girlfriend that you trust. You may also take time to read 1 John 1:9. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Take care of this with God, and you will be able to walk upright no matter what you choose to do.

I, too, have made my share of mistakes (sins) also, but that is why God is such a great God that He can forgive us when we come to him. My daughter was born out of wedlock, yet God is faithful and just and has allowed me to know her since she was 12 and now will be 35. I say this because whatever happens, remember to do God’s will, which will sometimes be the narrow road, but it is always worth it!

 

How about your church and pastor, if you have one? If not, maybe this is the time to find a church for support and fellowship, not to mention hearing God’s word regularly. NeedEncouragment.com/find-a-good-church

 

You can call 800-633-3446 and talk to a trained Christian counselor or chat online with a Christian you can find at NeedEncouragement.com/chat.

 

I will pray that you do some or all of the things I suggested, keeping in mind that God is with you and will never leave you. I also pray for the wisdom and strength that you will be needing. 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you!

 

Catherine, you will be fine. Keep your eyes on the Lord.

 

Bill Greguska

 

Continued:

Thank you for your encouraging words. I will follow your suggestions. Is a baby still a gift from God when it’s conceived out of sin?

Continued Response:

 

Hi Cathrine,

 

You are 100% correct!!!

 

My daughter was born out of wedlock (in her mother and my sin), but she is a precious gift from God, who I love dearly!!! My relationship with her has not been traditional, but Sherry sure has been a blessing in my life.

 

Upon thinking more about your situation, on second thought, I think you ought to plan to keep your baby yourself (if you have the means to care for the baby), but if that is not possible, then your only Godly choice is adoption.

 

You are only 41, and I am sure you would be a wonderful mother again with much experience and love. I am sure you could round up some people to help raise your child. You may need to get government support, but the lion’s share of all support will be coming from God.

 

Take time to think and even write pros and cons on paper. I have faith that whatever you do will be the right thing for you and your baby.

 

Keep praying, and God will reveal to you what you ought to do with your baby. I am sure God will make it clear to you either way!

James 1:5  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

 

Joshua 1:9  Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

 

Call out to God because He hears all our prayers!

 

Bill Greguska

 

Continued:

I am leaning towards keeping him.  I did meet with an adoption agency a couple of months ago.  They were wonderful people, and it was a Christian-based agency.  Despite the turmoil, I felt and feel…that option doesn’t feel right for me.  I put myself through college when my daughters were young…after my divorce. I am a public school teacher.  I could financially make everything work except for daycare.  I’d have to file for child support to cover daycare.  I wouldn’t qualify for any government assistance. 

Although my daughters are disappointed, they both offered to help me.  We are close as it was just us 3 for 20 years.  They are in college nearby. I am already feeling better after talking it out with you.  This baby is a boy, and the blood test came back as unlikely to have down syndrome or any other condition. 

The only test that is 100% is amniocentesis,  but I chose not to do it due to the risks of harm to the baby.  The results of the test wouldn’t affect any of my decisions anyway.  Again,  thank you for your time. You’ve been very helpful.  I go to a very large church.  I am going to look for a smaller one.

 


 

 

Question:

Please put me on your email list. Thanks

 

Response:

Hi Sherri,

 

I will be glad to add you to my mailing list.  Please feel free to let your friends on Facebook and your email list know about us. God bless you in all you do, and have a Happy Thanksgiving full of gratitude!

 

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

This will be a long story, but I need advice and a reason to keep going. So growing up, my mom brought me up as a Christian. I used to have so much faith and love. I guess you can say I was an innocent girl. Fast forward to college. Around this time, my older cousin opened up a dental office, and I was told that I had to be a dental hygienist. I didn’t want to be one; I wanted to be a vet, but my extended family always told me I couldn’t be one that I wasn’t smart enough or financially able. They said I had to be a dental hygienist, or they would kick me out of my house and never talk to me again.

Mind you. This wasn’t my mom talking. My mom is deaf and has other health problems, so she was always out of the loop. I was always told growing up that I couldn’t tell her certain things so that she wouldn’t worry. My mom is an innocent soul also, and my extended family helped us out financially, so I think because of that, they felt like they could control me.

Throughout this time, I was made to volunteer at the office all day and every day throughout the week except Sunday with no pay. It happened for about a year. Well, during this time, my life started getting dark. I felt so bullied sometimes by the things they would tell me, for example, that I would have been a loser if it wasn’t for them or that I was a bad person for having friends. Mind you, one time, A drunk driver hit me, and they said it was my fault cause I shouldn’t have gone to the movies with my friends. I started feeling hopeless about my future losing faith cause I couldn’t understand why God allowed this. So fast forward, I got into hygiene school, and throughout that time, even though I hated that profession, I was happy cause I was away from my family. I didn’t have to go to the dental office every day anymore and hear their remarks.

Well, I ended up meeting someone. He worked at a bus station, and I knew my family wouldn’t have approved, so I kept it a secret. After I graduated from hygiene school, they started finding out about him, and I wanted to tell my mom, but I was afraid. Afraid cause my whole life, I was told never to make her worry. So I kept it to myself, and one day they came to talk to me and said, you leave this man, or we’re done with you. I was hurt, but I knew that the world wouldn’t end if I didn’t have him in my life.

I knew it would end if I didn’t have my mom, though. So I broke it off with him. Afterward, they told me that because of what I did, going to school and finding someone without their permission, especially someone they disapproved of. That I was on lockdown, no phone, no bank account, no car, and that I would be volunteering at the dental office again, no pay until they trusted me again, mind you. I was 22 at the time. I didn’t want to live like that anymore. The ultimatum was to choose that or never go near the family again. It killed me cause I knew I might lose my mom, but I left that situation, and they haven’t talked to me since. When I left, I had it in my mind that I would go home and tell my mom what was going on, but they told me that if I went home and talked to her that they would call the cops on me.

I was so afraid of them that I believed them and didn’t go home. My mom found out the hard way, and I regret it ever since. Fast forward to now, I’m with that guy, and my mom talks to me, but my family turned my sister against me and everyone else. And my mom hates him cause I’m sure they told her that I left cause I wanted to be with him. She doesn’t believe me when I say all the things they did. But that’s my fault for not talking to her beforehand.

Well, I thought I’d be happy out of that situation, but sometimes I feel more and more lost every day, I’m trying to regain my faith, but it’s so hard cause I still don’t understand why I was put in this situation. My boyfriend has anger issues and other personal problems that I didn’t know about until I got kicked out. And now I feel like no matter what I chose, it was gonna suck. Sometimes I feel so unhappy that my life is a mess right now, and I don’t know how to fix it or process it.

Response:

 

Hi Julie,

 

You have asked me for my advice, the first thing I would suggest doing would be to pray about your situation.

 

NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

The first question I would have to ask you, are you a born-again Christian?

 

NeedEncouragement.com/born-again

 

You did not mention having a church, but that is another suggestion that I would strongly give you to have some teaching and fellowship.

 

NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church

 

 

It is good that you are open to things that others have told you, but you must always measure it up to God’s word and how you feel about certain things. Just because you are in a situation right now that you are uncomfortable with, you can always make some changes in your life!

 

As far as your boyfriend, you might sit him down and tell him how you feel about his anger issues. Let him know that he needs to get some help with it because it has become a problem.

 

NeedEncouragement.com/anger

 

I will pray that you seek God tonight in prayer before bed and tomorrow morning too. Pray each morning when you wake up and each night when you put your head to the pillow.

 

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

 

Question:

 

Please pray for my marriage.

 

Response:

 

Hi Sruthi,

 

Thank you for contacting me. Your request is very general, but God knows what you are going through. Keep in mind the reason or reasons that you married your spouse. Trust that when you call upon the Lord, He will hear you and give you the wisdom that you need. Remember that all marriages and relationships take work if you want them to work.

 

There is hope for your marriage, be patient and reach out for help from your pastor or a counselor that can mediate between the two of you. You did not give me any specifics, so I will say that you need to take your marriage to God in prayer and let God fix things.

 

The less you say to change your spouse, the better off you will be, but instead, take a look at yourself and admit to yourself where you have fallen short yourself. If you confess your shortcomings to your spouse, maybe that would show you are serious about having a better marriage.

 

Cast all your anxiety on him (Jesus), for He cares for you 1 Peter 5:7

 

Check out these pages on my website. I think they can be of help to you. Also, feel free to call 800-633-3446 to talk with someone.

 

NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-forgive

NeedEncouragement.com/better-marriage

NeedEncouragement.com/personal-inventory

 

Bill Greguska

 


 

 

Question:

 

Please keep in prayer for depression.

 

Response:

 

Hi Pastor,

 

Thank you for contacting me. I was invited to a pastors/ministry leaders breakfast a few weeks ago, and I heard there that it is common that a pastor can get burnt out or depressed. I will keep you in my prayers, and I pray right now that you take good care of yourself in the coming weeks, as you allow others to help you and that you rest in the Lord’s care!

 

Just to let you know how I know somewhat how you are feeling, I was severely depressed in high school, and when my wife and stepson moved out, and eventually, she divorced me. If you need medical help, there is no shame that I was put on Cymbalta for depression, and it really helped me. It might help you too. But keep praying and letting those who love you help you in this time of your need.

 

Keeping it simple, have you been:

  1. Eating healthy? (avoid sugar and caffeine)
  2. Exercising? (at least 20 minutes a day for at least three days a week)
  3. Getting proper sleep? (7-8 hours)
  4. Casting your cares upon the Lord? 1 Peter 5:7
  5. Delegate some of your authority to others for a short season until you are back on your feet.

 

Check out NeedEncouragement.com/depression

 

May God Bless you and keep you, and may His face shine down upon you!

 

Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

I am afraid my depression is going to sink me. I feel so hopeless and useless. I even cross the road recklessly, hoping a car would knock me over. I don’t know if I can handle it anymore. I feel suicidal, and the pain keeps getting worse. Please help me.

 

Response:

 

Hi Rachel,

 

I can understand that depression is not something fun to go through, I have been depressed a couple of significant times in my life, so I know to some degree what you are going through.

 

First of all, you need to know that God created you and loves you, and now you need to go to Him in prayer to give you comfort and support at this time. At some point, you will need to figure out what is the cause of your depression, and it is a divorce, loss of a job, death of a loved one, etc. But now, in the meantime, realize that you are just going through a tough time, and it will eventually be resolved, and life will come back to normal as spring comes after a cold winter.

 

Here are three links that I hope will be of help to you!

NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

NeedEncouragement.com/depression

 

NeedEncouragement.com/suicide-prevention

 

The first video on this page I think you will like…http://needencouragement.com/bad-days.

 

If what I have shared with you does not help, please go to your nearest hospital and get medical help. Taking the medication temporarily can be a good thing to get you unstuck. I am not a doctor, but I was on Cymbalta when I was depressed going through my divorce, and it sure helped me.

 

But I would first suggest you take your depression to God, and I am glad you reached out to me, but do not stop here. I pray that you will seek the help you need to get back on your feet again.

 

 

You are not alone (chat now). Most people would have to admit that they have at least once thought about the idea of suicide. Suicide prevention saves lives!

 

 

There is help available now, and please do not delay!

 

 

Even thoughts of living life can make living life such a painful burden. I know that feeling, and that is why you need God’s help and help from others who care, so once again, please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

May God bless you and keep you strong!

Bill Greguska 

 


 

 

 

Question:

 

My husband is asking me to do a sexual act with him that I feel uncomfortable doing. Not because it is singular but because I am extremely “grossed out” by what he wants me to do. I never imagined that sex would include an act such as this…maybe I was naive. Anyways, we have we great relationship except for this, and it comes up and turns into an argument every few months.

Should I be doing what he wants me to do even though it makes me feel sick to my stomach, and I hate every single minute of it? Am I just being selfish? Should I be submitting myself even when the thought of doing this act makes me hate being married and creates anger in my heart? I feel I can’t tell him any of these feelings because every time I do, it turns into an argument again, and I end up feeling horrible and selfish…yet I can hardly force myself to do what he is asking. Advice or thoughts?

 

Response:

Hi Annie,

 

Thank you for contacting us. I do not think it is necessary to share the graphic details, to understand that whatever your husband wants you to do is not selfish. It is your husband who is being selfish. You said that you talked about this to him, and it brings up arguments, so I would suggest that you have your pastor, or a counselor, or even a very close couple that you trust to talk things over together. A pastor would be my first suggestion, a counselor my second, and a close couple my third option.

 

You have tried to please him by submitting to his desires, but if it makes you feel sick to your stomach, enough is enough! I pray that you handle this situation in a godly way, try to keep your emotions out of it, and explain the fact that it makes you sick to your stomach! Your heart is not trying to hold back sex from him, and it is just that what he wants is not something you are willing to do.

 

I will pray right now for you and your husband that this matter can be settled without any more arguments or hurt feelings. Before you talk with your husband again or your pastor, or a counselor, or couple, take your concerns to God in prayer! 1 Peter 5:7

 

God bless you both,

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

 

Question:

 

I need Biblical advice for a decision, please.

 

After four years of marriage and two beautiful children, my wife divorced me. We had a decent life, but She was behaving as an abnormal person, which caused a lot of discord in our couple. The divorce was finally pronounced in March 2018 after one year of intense inconvenience and a series of twists in both directions. Until recently, my now ex-wife was not open to any dialogue (it was her way or the highway) and used all deceptive techniques to rally anyone to her cause. After I made an unworthy, disgusting, but justified act against her, I was happily surprised to see an unexpected reaction from her. For the first time in years, she is open to debate and recognizes her wrongdoing.

 

According to herself, God’s word and the difficulties she has encountered since she was alone with the children have helped her understand where she has faulted. She says she’s ready to come back and this time for real and for good. To her credit, she’s been trying to come back for a long time now. This time, there is something different. I have always loved her, but her behavior repelled me and even scared me. This time, I see someone who finally looks sincere in what she says. So I let myself go. She even managed to get me again in her bed this week.

 

The problem is that thinking that I had done everything not to lose her, and she had made it clear to anyone who wanted to hear it that she did not love me and that she would divorce at any cost. Convinced that I had lost her forever and that she wanted to harm me, I decided to rebuild my life and move on. I went into a relationship with an American girl a few months before the judge signed the final divorce decree. We recently had a son who is now two months old. Despite the significant financial problems that torment us this year, my new girl does not bother me at all. She’s just a little lazy.

 

Dear pastor, if I had a choice, I would never have divorced. My children are devastated by this divorce, and their mother seems to need me. My new girl and our son need me as much. This situation destabilizes me because no solution will leave all parties happy. What is the biblical approach to dealing with this kind of situation, if there is one? And what is your personal opinion on the situation?

Sincerely

 

Response:

 

Hi Fabien,

 

Sorry it took a while to get back to you, but it is hard to give you any real wise counsel because I am sure your situation is broader than just what you wrote to me.

 

Have you prayed to God about this, or have you talked with your pastor about this?

 

It seems that you have gotten into a problematic situation, and deep down, I think you know what the right thing to do would be. This is too involved in resolving over one email. I suggest you step back and pray about this for a few days and then reach out to your pastor or a counselor.

 

I am sorry if you do not hear what you want to hear, but if you do what I suggested, you will be on the right road to some solutions…

 

May God bless you and give you wisdom and peace. If you struggle with prayer, here is a link that can be of help to you.

NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

 

I pray that you keep in mind your children and that you will be wise in how you handle your situation, and that God prompts you to do what His will is, and you listen.

 

Bill Greguska

 

Hello,

Thank you so much for your advice.

Best regards

 


 

Question:

Hello, thank you for reading this. I will prayerfully take the advice given, and I am grateful for your kindness in helping me.

My husband and I have been married for two years. We both are Christian and want to have a God-honoring marriage.

The problem we have is how we handle our arguments and heated discussions.

This doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens enough to cause me to feel discouraged about our future.

Last night we got into an argument about finances. I started crying, and he told me several times to stop. He told me to “grow up.” I then proceeded to shove him and ask him to leave. When I shoved him, It happened so fast.

He soon said that I should never put my hands on him, and I agreed that how I reacted was wrong.

This anger has caused me much grief as I have been known to let it affect me in the past during heated discussions with my husband.

Today we haven’t spoken at all about it other than saying sorry to each other by text.

How can I learn to relax my anger during a conflict?  I also feel like my husband is careless with his words during a conflict.

In the meantime, I will be praying about this and seeking God’s direction.

Thank you.

 

Response:

 

Hi Kali,

 

God has given us all emotions and different personalities, yet as a Christian, you know that the Holy Spirit is living in you, and we need to conform to God’s will, which is not to let your emotions fly off the handle. You know that, and I am glad you feel remorse. (I was married ten years), and our tempers flew off the handle a few times, but I, too, was remorseful and got back in line when it happened. I say this, so you do not beat yourself because of your mistake, but take it to God and go to your husband and apologize and make sure you know he accepts your apology, then never do that again! (one thing to do is not discuss stressful types of things like money or other stuff like that late before bed)

 

The first thing to do is to pray about this situation, specifically your part in it. I may ask you if you are taking care of your health, which means your spiritual life and your physical health.

  1. Do you pray and read your Bible daily? (if not, start with 10 minutes each morning and build up from there)
  2. Do you exercise?
  3. Do you eat healthy foods and avoid bad foods?
  4. Do you get enough sleep?
  5. Do you take vitamins?
  6. Do you avoid alcohol or keep it to a very minimum amount if need be?
  7. Do you laugh and enjoy your time with your husband?
  8. Do you have a romantic life with your husband?

With these eight questions, I am sure you will discover where some of your problems are rooted.

 

 

 

One more thing before something bad happens again:

 

H.A.L.T = Don’t get too:

 

Hungry

Angry

Lonely

Tired

 

 

I pray that you both remember why you got married two years ago and build on that. You guys gave your vows in front of God, and all those who were at your wedding, not this (the marriage), is what it is all about. You need to trust God and do God’s will, and everything else (anger, budget, etc.) will all fall into place. Pray for your husband not only yourself, the devil wants to destroy you guys, but remember he is a defeated foe, even though he still can make your life’s miserable!

 

I would strongly suggest that you apologize for the face-to-face (The text is just a temporary bandage). Use this incident as something to grow together from. I would love to hear how you guys resolved things. If you would like to let me know, I am sure you will recover from this speed bump you experienced!

 

If your husband is a good Christian husband, he will accept your apology, and you guys can make up tonight!

 

Here are a couple of links you may want to check out:

  1. NeedEncouragement.com/plan-a-budget
  2. NeedEncouragement.com/stress
  3. NeedEncouragement.com/anger
  4. NeedEncouragement.com/improve-your-marriage

There are many other good pages on my site.

 

May God bless you and keep you. May his face shine upon you and give you strength!

 

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

I am a 27 yr old mother of 2 beautiful and smart daughters, but I am also a hard struggling addict. I use to be happy, and I could hear the lord when he spoke to me like anything I asked of him would almost manifest itself. He answered my prayers so quickly, and I love him and respectfully fear him, but I am afraid he’s given up on me after relapsing every other day. I tell myself I’m going to quit. I feel hopeless for telling myself right before I stick the devil’s sword in me, ” Lord, please forgive me again, I’m so sorry, I’m sick, and I need you!”

Can someone help me before I lose everything I love, or does everything I love lose me? There are not many rehabs in Louisiana, much fewer ones that let your children come, plus my husband doesn’t know my addiction goes this deep. Please help! Thank you, and bless you if you can help someone as hopeless as me who seems to love their sin more than God our Father, but I won’t let the devil take me that far. I still and will forever love my Father!!!

 

Response:

Dear Friend,

 

Thank you for reaching out to us. You have had enough of your addiction. My first suggestion that I give to everyone is to pray about your situation. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray.

 

I, too, had an addiction to alcohol and drugs when I was younger, I quit using when I was 26 years old, and it was one of the wisest and the best things I could do for myself with God’s help. You can stop with God’s help too. (No, God did not turn His back on you, you turned your back on Him, but He will take you back like the prodigal son, or in your case, prodigal daughter) He took me back!

 

It does not sound like you are attending a church right now, but a church with good fellowship could be just what you need at this time. NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church

 

Do you have anyone who can keep you accountable? NeedEncouragement.com/accountability-partner

 

You have two options right now.

  1. You can continue in your addiction and keep sinking lower and lower, harm your daughters with your addiction, and ultimately divorce.
  2. Or you can get sincere and transparent and reach out for help so that you can find the joy that you so deeply miss.

 

Just the fact that you have reached out today tells me that you want help.

  1. Get on your knees and pray to God to remove your addiction.
  2. Level with your husband to let him know that you are struggling. If he is any kind of good man, he will want to help you!
  3. Stop seeing whoever is supplying your addiction.
  4. Get rid of any drugs or alcohol in your home.
  5. Get a counselor and or an accountability partner to help keep you on the straight and narrow.

 

I think these links might be of help to you:

 

NeedEncouragement.com/my-drug-and-alcohol-problem

NeedEncouragement.com/alcohol-and-drugs

NeedEncouragement.com/blinded-by-addiction

NeedEncouragement.com/recovery-principles

 

 

I will be praying that God heals you from your addiction and that the suggestions I have shared with you will help you. Keep in mind that God can take this addiction from you if you hand it over to Him and not keep taking it back.

1 Corinthians 10:13  No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

If you need to talk to a trained Christian counselor, you can call 800-633-3446

 

May God bless you and show you the way out of your addiction.

 

Bill Greguska

 

Continued

 

Thank you so much, Mr. Bill, I will continue praying and having faith in the lord, and I will also read the links you sent. You can tell you yourself actually replied to me, and I thank you for taking your time out to lend a helping hand. Nobody really knows what one kind of word can do for someone. May God continue to bless you. Thanks so much!

 

Continued

 

Good Morning,

 

You are very welcome. Now commit yourself to get back on the right track. DO NOT think you can do it in your power because you can not; you need God’s help and the help of those people that God puts in your life to help you. It would help if you were very serious about this because, unfortunately, a half-hearted effort will not accomplish your desired goal.

 

I will pray that you make it the rest of the week without using it, then after accomplishing that, keep on moving forward. You can do it with God’s help. Believe me, I did. With God, all things are possible!

 

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

 

God bless you,

Bill Greguska

 

P.S. I see you are up late at night sending this email, so try to get back on a regular sleeping, eating pattern that will help you. I say this because I care, and you need your strength and health if you want to get clean!

 

 

 


 

 

Question:

I have a difficult situation, my brother James died in May, Mom had a stroke that day, and died in June. I had probate court, cremations, memorials, then clearing and shelling mom’s house (the family home), getting a new place, then my husband filed for divorce because I spend too much time in Ohio (we had been living in England). Now that I have cleared out of our English home, I can finally relax, and it is hitting me hard every morning.

 

Response:

 

Hi Michelle,

 

I am sorry to hear that you have been in a storm time in your life. It makes it hard when many things happen relatively at the same time. It is wise that you are reaching out for help. It sounds like you are going through some grieving, and you need to be patient with yourself.  NeedEncouragement.com/grief

 

If you believe in the Lord, you can take refuge in him during these hard times that you went through and thank Him for his faithfulness to see you through.

 

I would do the first thing to pray to God about all that you have gone through and thank Him and ask Him for wisdom on what to do now. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

I have been through some difficult times in my life, and I have found that prayer, fellowship with other believers, taking care of my health, exercise, eating correctly, and being with good friends and family members for support.

 

One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him, for He cares for you.

 

I hope and pray that what I shared will be of help to you, and I pray that you find healing and hope in Jesus Christ, and your faith will grow because of all that you have been through.

 

Feel free to call 800-633-3446

 

May God bless you and keep you safe as you walk with Him,

Bill Greguska

 

Question:

 

Hello. May I please chat with someone online?

 

Response:

 

Hi Sana,

 

To get right to your question about wanting to chat with someone, you can visit NeedEncouragement.com/chat.

 

It is apparent to anyone that life can be very complicated at times, but whatever you are going through, keep in mind that others like myself have gone through similar situations and have made been able to make it through.

 

I wanted to die two times in my life, once when I was in high school with all the school pressures and problems because of drugs and alcohol. The second time was when my wife left me, and all it seemed I could think about was wishing that the pain would end in both circumstances. I am thankful that I reached out for help like you are doing. You are going to be okay.

 

A couple of questions for you to think about to get you started on the right path:

  1. Are you praying to God at all? Have you asked God to forgive you for everything you have done wrong? 1 John 1:8-9
  2. Are you getting enough sleep at night, 7-8 hours each night?
  3. Are you eating healthy?
  4. Are you getting any exercise?
  5. Are you avoiding alcohol and drugs?

 

The first thing I always suggest to anyone who contacts me, it to pray about your situation. Ask God what you need to do.

It says in James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

 

If you are not familiar with praying, check out NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray.

 

I encourage you to go to your pastor at your church. If you do not have a pastor, go to NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church.

Whatever you are going through right now, I am not minimizing how badly you feel about it, so please trust me when I tell you.

 

Matthew 19:26  Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

 

God knows your pain, so how about doing what it says in 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

 

May God bless you and keep you safe in His presence. I feel your pain, and I will pray that my advice to you will help you!

 

Bill Greguska

 

 

 


 

Question:

 

My husband and I are Christians. He moved out on Dec 12, and we have been in communication a little but only via text. Tonight he texted and said he was driving by and wanted to know if I wanted to be intimate with him. After spending 2 hours before telling me, I’m not a godly wife.

 

Response:

Hi Kandy,

 

I am glad you have reached out for some help.

  1. What does your pastor say about your husband moving out?
  2. Are you talking about getting some counseling soon?
  3. What is stopping the two of you from forgiving one another?

 

It sure sounds like some type of broken communication and or misinterpreting what each of you has said without clearly understanding each other. Of course, you understand that leads to hurt feelings, which leads to angry feelings, which leads to feelings of revenge and bitterness, and attitudes of I am right, and you are wrong. That is inevitable.

 

I strongly suggest each of you, at least you, for now, take an inventory of your heart to God, and confess all that you have done, said, or thought of to your husband. Hopefully, he can do the same, but in the meantime, you take care of your business with God.

 

Next time the two of you talk, try to repeat what he just said so that you understood exactly what he meant? (for example, when you thought he said you were an ungodly wife, possibly he might have intended to say that something you said or did was not godly, which could be a possibility since we are all sinners, right? None of us are perfect, and we have all fallen short of God’s glory)

 

My point is that if you backtrack to the point of why your husband left or was asked to leave, you will find a trail of unhealthy communication all along the road — each incident which leads to hurt feeling, angry feeling, feeling of revenge, and bitterness pulls you further apart and is not pleasing to God.

 

You need to let go of the past and start to rebuild. If not, you will be divorced before you know it. If you want your marriage to last, you need to take charge and do something about it. Forgiveness is a part of this equation.

 

Without knowing more about what is going on between the two of you. Seeing things through the eyes of a man, either this might be how he is trying to tell you that he still loves you. Or it could be a selfish, self-seeking idea on his part, and I have no way of judging his intentions.

 

But, if you want your marriage to stay alive, you need to be open to communication and spending time with each other, unless it is not a safe situation for you to be in.

 

If I were you, I would welcome him over, but you need to do some talking and soul searching openly with each other before you got intimate.

 

Maybe he is thinking that he made a mistake by moving out. The Bible does talk about not withholding sexuality from each other unless you both agree that for a short time, it would be appropriate. So bottom line, I definitely would entertain the idea for you to be intimate with your husband unless you are in fear of him.

 

I pray that you will be open to mending your bridges quickly because if not, your marriage will be in jeopardy!!!

 

Here are a couple of links that might be of help to you.

  1. needencouragement.com/how-to-forgive
  2. NeedEncouragement.com/better-marriage
  3. NeedEncouragement.com/marriage-tips

Here is some homework for you to do this week:

 

  1. Pray for your husband each morning and evening and during the day when you can.
  2. Pray to God to soften both of your hearts.
  3. Confess to God (and your husband also) anything you have done that needs to be forgiven.
  4. Be willing to forgive whatever your husband has said or done to you. (if we do not forgive others, our Father in heaven will not forgive us)
  5. Write a letter to your husband to tell him you are sorry for upsetting him and that you forgive him for upsetting you.

 

This is a lot for you to do. You can either work hard to keep your marriage alive, focus not on what he did to you or said to you, but instead, focus on how you are going to get him to want to come back to live with you.

 

You have a chance right now to save your marriage. If you procrastinate much longer and refuse to go to God for help, you will find yourself divorced and very miserable for several years. Believe me, I have been through what you are going through, I fought the good fight and did not give up on my marriage, yet my ex got weak and gave up.

 

I am asking you to be strong and not give up. Do whatever it takes to stay married. Divorce is excruciating and leaves scars. Take the high road like I did, so that even if your marriage does not work (which we hope it starts to mend the right way), you will know in your heart of hearts that you did all you could do to keep your marriage vows. You can not control your husband, but you can pray for him!!!

 

Bill Greguska

 


 

 

Question:

Hi, I really need advice on this relationship I am in. I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus, and I want to know what God is saying is best for my life. I need some advice on my relationship, please.

 

Response:

 

Hi Pteris,

 

You have not given me much to advise you on, but I can tell you one thing for sure, is that you ought to pray about it, ask God for wisdom, it says in

 

James 1:5  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

 

I hope that what I shared can be an excellent start to resolve things in your relationship.

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

 

Counseling question, I live in Sydney, Australia. Do you offer free Christian counseling?

 

Response:

 

Hi Vicki,

 

Free Christian counseling is based in the United States, yet you can chat with someone on the internet and phone. NeedEncouragement.com/chat or, you can call 800-633-3446 and talk with someone. https://chataboutjesus.com

 

Also, we have these Question/Response pages, that we share our responses to emails that we get.

 

Keep in mind the best counsel is that from Jesus Christ via prayer! NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

What about talking with a close friend or pastor at your church? If you are not attending a church right now, you would be wise to look into finding one. I have a tool to find a church, but it might only be in the US, but it is worth looking into. NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church

 

I hope what I have shared is helpful to you.

 

Proverbs 15:22  Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed.

 

God bless you, and may He keep you near to Him daily!

 

Bill Greguska

 

 

 


 

Question:

 

I have a bunch of trauma throughout my life. My faith in God keeps me going, but my anxiety and depression always get the rest of me can afford to counsel; I need somebody to talk to support.

 

Response:

 

 

Hi Ashley,

 

I am glad that you are reaching out for help, although I would suggest that you find a church with some church fellowship that would meet your needs. NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church

 

I strongly suggest that you start praying about your concerns to God, and He will start to show you the way you ought to go. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

Here are two links that will address a couple of your concerns.

  1. NeedEncouragement.com/anxiety
  2. NeedEncouragement.com/depression

 

You can also call 800-633-3446 to talk to someone who can help you, or you can chat at NeedEncouragement.com/chat.

Philippians 4:6  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

 

I hope that what I have shared with you will be something that will help you in your situation! Having a church to give you support and encouragement is very important. Keep praying and keep close to God, and I pray that God puts some special people in your life to help to continue to point you to Jesus.

 

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

 

 

Question:

How does one go about forgiving someone who is toxic but doesn’t wish to be around that person anymore? There is no love, honesty, or respect in this relationship.  A family member has chosen to judge my children and me. She has made known her judgments.  I can forgive her, but I don’t know if I can be around her or expose my children to her as she is not in a place of reconciliation.

She has told me she wants to move forward but has warned me that she will still be sarcastic with me and that I need to thicken my skin. It would be great to move on, as this has robbed me of so much time emotionally. You know, I have read all kinds of things on forgiveness, and I think I’m at a place to forgive. Realizing that she has some issues with grief (from a death in the family) and has taken it out on my children and me. I do have compassion for her and feel sorry for her that she is in a bad place.  However, I don’t want to expose myself to her. Does that mean I’m not forgiving?

 

Response:

 

Hi Ellie,

 

What you have shared reminds me of a scripture from Romans 12:18 “As far as possible as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” I just shared that scripture with my grandson the other day because I know how important it is to be at peace with others.

 

Maybe taking a break from being around your family member for a while might defuse the emotions that seem to be flying freely.

 

You may limit your contact just to text messages, so she doesn’t think you are running from her. Assure her that you are trying to figure out how to resolve things.

 

Before you do anything, though, take this situation to God in prayer. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

He will give you wisdom on how to deal with your family members and protect your children at the same time. If you can think of something that you need to apologize to her for your part in anything to start the healing process, find out what is she upset about specifically or what did you do wrong in her eyes specifically? Admitting your part would most likely defuse the situation. Humbly apologize for any harsh words or anything like you will discover the love in her heart covering up by pain and anger begin to resurface in a good way again.

 

When we forgive someone, that does not mean we totally forget what they have said or done, but it does put it in the past where it belongs. Then you can proceed to allow the other person to build trust back into the relationship. God’s word says in Matthew 6:15, But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. That scripture alone was enough for me to realize how important forgiveness is.

 

I will pray for you, and I hope that what I have shared will help your situation!

 

Bill Greguska

 

 

 


 

Question:

 

Hi Good evening,

My name is Blessing, and I am 23 years old. I am confused. I am dating a guy who has a 1-year-old child. He says he and his baby’s mother doesn’t see things the same way anymore, and they had broken up before she found out she was pregnant, so they decided to keep the baby, but they aren’t dating anymore even their families are aware of it. I met him a month before the baby was born.

Am I wrong for dating him as a Christian? My family doesn’t want us together because he has a child, but I feel no one in this world isn’t guiltless, so it isn’t a barrier as long as we are having a plan for a better future. I don’t know what to do about my family and make them understand that so far we are happy and I have never been this happy with anyone like him; with him, I don’t have to pretend to be something else I can confide in him, and he assists me however way he can. Plus, an opportunity they say to come, but once I don’t want to make a mistake to let him go without giving him the benefit of the doubt that he means well for me.

He proposed that we move in together since we stay in the same city and on rent to save costs together. What do I do? Am confused. I do love him.

Please help me,

Blessing

 

Response:

 

Hi Blessing,

It is quite apparent that you feel torn in two directions, what your brain is thinking and what your emotions are feeling. I am sorry that this is hard for you to decide. I will give you my opinion and share what God’s word says. My first thought is that you need to start praying about the situation that you are in. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

Without knowing more details, it sounds like you are not wrong to want to date your boyfriend, but your parents, who are seeing things more objectively, are counseling you not to.
You are entertaining the idea of moving in with him, which increases the probability of breaking up or getting married to be divorced. (living together increase the odds for divorce).

Then try to put your emotions to the side for a minute and look at it from the perspective of the baby.1. What does God want you to do in this situation?

2. Are you willing to have a baby that is not yours in your life, having to share responsibilities with the mother every other week, if that?

3. Do you get along with the mother?

4. How does your boyfriend treat you in general?

5. How does your boyfriend talk about his baby and the baby’s mother?

You have only been dating less than a year, and it sounds like you are putting your life on hold for him.

 

If you are having sex with him, my suggestion would be to abstain from sex until he would marry you.

 

NeedEncouragement.com/sex-outside-marriage

 

Interestingly, I have done something similar to what you are involved in. Years ago, I dated my daughter’s mother, got her pregnant, she broke up with me. Life was chaotic.

 

I am not telling you what to do. You will have to decide for yourself. Re-read what I wrote and think clearly about the questions I asked and comments I made.

 

But the one thing I will firmly tell you is to NOT move in with him, especially since you are a Christian. Even if you were not a Christian, I would not suggest moving in together.

 

I will be praying for clarity in your decision, remember whatever you decide will affect your life positively or negatively down the road.

 

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

 

Bill Greguska

 

I hope that what I have shared helps give you some food to make a wise choice!

 

 

 


 

Question:

 

Sometimes I feel like giving up on life. I’m too stressed out. I messed up in my relationship; I feel like nothing is going well for me. Please, Please, Please help!

Casey

 

Response:

Hi Casey,

 

There is an expression I would like to share with you that says, “If you keep on doing the same things, you are bound to get the same results.”

  • Are you getting enough sleep? Exercise? Eating healthy?
  • Do you pray about things like your relationship? NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray
  • Do you have a close relationship with God?
  • Do you tend to say yes to things when you ought to say no?

If you believe your relationship has potential and you are willing to put effort into it, that sounds like a good plan, but if your relationship is a toxic one, maybe it is time to move on. If you have done all you can do, make it healthy.

 

I would suggest thinking about my comments, and if you need more help, you can call 800-633-3446 or chat with someone at NeedEncouragement.com/chat.

Isaiah 41:10  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

 

Joshua 1:9  Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

 

I pray that what I have shared will be of help to you! Remember to keep praying!

 

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

 

Question:

Hello,  I have struggled with alcohol for many years.  It would be great if you could point me to find a person that could talk with me and encourage me.

I love the Lord and have been a Christian my whole life. I have a great desire to be a good wife and mom.  I am ready to be free of this. – Rochelle

 

Response:

 

Hi Rochelle,

 

I am delighted that you are ready! I would suggest that you pray about your situation and ask the Lord for His help. Besides God, there is no magic wand to rid yourself of your alcohol problem. If there were, I would tell you, and I would have used it myself!

 

Without going into treatment, I would strongly suggest considering the following suggestion that has helped me in my recovery. Figure out what makes sense to you and what you think would work. Decide what you will try, and then give it all you have, trusting that God will help you!

 

  1. Pray and keep praying each day.
  2. Get back into your Bible.
  3. Start writing a journal.
  4. Find yourself a good church if you do not have one already.
  5. Rally the troops to help you. Your pastor, best friend, parents, husband, etc.
  6. Get honest with your husband about your drinking and ask for his help.
  7. Put a picture of your children in your bathroom mirror to remind you to stay sober.
  8. Replace drinking for some other activity
  9. Find an accountability partner.
  10. Find a counselor
  11. Fill your mind with whatever is good, true, right, pure, lovely, admirable, or praiseworthy. Think about such things.
  12. Reward yourself when you have gone three days without drinking (ice cream, etc.)
  13. Reevaluate your diet
  14. Get proper sleep
  15. Get exercise each week.
  16. Drink more water
  17. Chew gum
  18. Stay out of bars
  19. Get all alcohol out of your house.
  20. Avoid all people you have drank with without exception.
  21. Consider going to AA or NA meetings.
  22. Call 800-633-3446
  23. Visit NeedEncouragement.com/alcohol-and-drugs
  24. Visit NeedEncouragement.com/my-drug-and-alcohol-problem
  25. Visit NeedEncouragement.com/accountability-partner

 

Rochelle, just to inform you… you are in a battle. In other words, you need to know your weapons (God’s word, prayer, fellowship, and the list I made you above, and you need to know your enemy (devil) who is out to kill, steal and destroy your life.

 

It would help if you were in this effort 100% because any half effort will not be enough to have victory through my experience. I played games with alcohol and drugs for 10 until I got sober and sick and tired of being sick and tired.

 

Give God a try and the suggestions I have shared with you for 60 days, and you will see for yourself that there are hope and victory just around the corner! I have been clean and sober since June 25, 1986, and if I could do it with God’s help, you can too! I am 58 years old, and I do not miss drinking one bit! God even helped me quit smoking on January 10, 1988. All I know is that God loves us and that God is good!

 

May God bless you and give you the strength you need. 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you!

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

 

I need advice in a current relationship. I have a really difficult relationship, and I need the advice to confront it, and I want to know what to do.  It is complicated to explain through text.  We were living together with plans of getting married, but now we separated. I believe The Lord wanted us to separate to make this right, but now it’s just hurt because she lives in another state. Marco

 

Response:

 

Hi Marco,

 

Your relationship with your girlfriend, I can understand, is important to you, and I think the time away from each other can be a good thing for the two of you to clear your minds and get a better perspective.

 

I hope you guys can talk problems out so you can get beyond the challenges to the solutions.

 

You are saying that you want to marry your girlfriend. You need to ask yourself some questions, like, are her goals in life similar to yours? Are you both believers in Jesus Christ? NeedEncouragement.com/get-right-with-god

 

Are your values compatible? How long have you been dating? I would hope at least one year because anyone can put their best foot forward for six months or 9 months or even more than a year without any clue that there are any problems.

 

These are some of the reasons that the divorce rate is so very high. NeedEncouragement.com/divorce Another question for you is, “How is your relationship with God?” Without an understanding of what God’s will is, you will have problems maintaining a relationship with your girlfriend.

 

If you are serious about your relationship with your girlfriend and she seems interested too, then you might want to step back and determine how realistic your relationship is and if you are compatible enough to get married. If I were you, I would take my time and carefully evaluate things and, in the meantime, keep in touch with her via text messages and phone calls.

 

I pray that the advice I have given you will be of help to you. Keep praying and seek God for your answers.

 

If you want to talk with someone that can help, you can call 800-633-3446 or chat at NeedEncouragement.com/chat.

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question

This person requested that I did not share her question or what she wrote about concerning a situation with the suicide of her friend, which is very understandable and personal. So I will only share what I have suggested to her to do while keeping her anonymity.

 

Response

 

 


 

 

 

 


 

 

Question:

Hey, brother Bill, it’s Raven again. I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m the mom with the drug addiction. I was emailing you bc I recently read in the Bible Hebrews about if you keep willingly sinning, that’s publicly shaming God.

I’m scared that God won’t take me back when I finally get tired of the sin. Plus, I’ve been baptized like 10 times, and about 2yrs ago, I thought I finally got saved like I realized what it was actually all about, but now I feel I need another new start that gods not done with me. I’ve accidentally drifted from him, so I can only hear bits and pieces of him. I need some serious help without a lot of constructive criticism, I can take it, but I do enough of that for myself every day. Anything you can think to tell me will help. Thanks again.

 

Response:

 

Hi Raven,

 

Yes, I do remember you writing to me not too long ago. It is good to hear back from you. I hope my suggestions helped you a little.

 

The first thing I need to ask you is, have you been praying about this? If you have, that is great. Keep up the excellent work. If you have not, you need to start and be consistent if you want to break your addiction!

 

As far as the scripture in Hebrews 10:26 If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sin is left. (I checked my footnotes in my bible) It mentioned that there is no sacrifice for sin left referring to after Jesus Christ. When you (or anyone) rejects Jesus, the person is on their own. I am assuming you accepted Jesus, but rather your flesh is weak, and you keep falling for temptation. Natural consequences happen when we sin if we have not noticed those consequences already.

 

You need to find someone to help keep you accountable, pastor, good friend, counselor, cousin, or whoever God puts in your path to help you. (But someone!!!)

 

I would suggest you get professional help, even a 30-day rehab treatment would be a step in the right direction, yet all I know for sure is that you need help. What you have done up until now apparently is not working — another thing I can tell you for sure that willpower and self-control will not be the answer. The answer is God and the people God puts into your life to help you.

 

As far as God turning His back on you, that is not true. It is us that turn our backs on God. I understand your addiction is tough to break, yet keep praying and keep reaching out to others like you have reached out to me.

 

 

Here is a phone number to call to talk to someone on the phone 800-633-3446

 

There is hope. Keep searching for it. Set some realistic goals and try to achieve them.

 

Please start by praying more regularly.

 

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

Thank you so much for the info! I hope I don’t bother you when I email you, and yes, your right. I used to go to “Life Church,” but I was still addicted as I am now. I started to feel looked down on and weak. I went to that church for 2 yrs off and on, more on than off.

Mr. Bill, I want to ask a question. I feel so lost and can barely hear the lord, and I know me, your right; I am weak in the flesh, and the pain on the inside tears at my heart, and I know God feels it too, but he’s waiting for me. Still, I am afraid it’s too late for me. I don’t know the purpose that God wants for me. Do you have any outlook on this, please? And thanks so much for taking the time to answer me?

Oh, and I was wondering where you’re at anyways, and do you have a church? I read it all on your website, but I forgot how to get back to it, lol. Anyways thanks so much, and I’ll probably write back spontaneously if you don’t mind.

Response:

 

Hi Raven,
I have shared a lot with you, so now please tell me what you think you need to do to get your life back on track?.
1.__________________________________________________________________

2._________________________________________________________________

3._________________________________________________________________

Bill GreguskaNeedEncouragement.com

 


Question:

I would much like to ask for advice on the situation that I am in…

My boyfriend of three years (James) has become increasingly “emotionally numb”  since I moved across the country to him in Northern Virginia six months ago.  I love my job at a private high school and am very involved with friends, even though my experience being near James’ family has been painful.  We met in college and came from very similar backgrounds (both from families of 8/both faithfully Catholic, etc.).

Tension has steadily increased in our relationship since my relocation to where he and his family live.  James and I love each other very much, and we both desire to “work things out.”  Here is why I am reaching out to you:

James’ mother has never had a conversation with me, avoids me, and acts rude and uncomfortable whenever I have been in her presence.  His father is quite silent on the matter and tends to be very risk-averse, but separately supports and encourages James.  She (Diane) has only discouraged James in our relationship, and she feels betrayed, rejected, and “left” since he has been in a serious relationship. 

She has told him that “he doesn’t know what he is doing” and that “she knows women and her judgment should be trusted.”  James is her oldest son, and she will admit that she knows that she has a problem and that she tries to change but doesn’t know-how.  (At this point, I do not think it is likely that she will change.)  James lives at home, and I had seen strong enmeshment indicators within his family since the beginning of our relationship three years ago.  For example, Diane has kindly told James that he could bring me home if he wants, but she will leave the house if he is to bring me over. 

James seems to see this as a sacrificial act of his mother and “the best that she can do right now.”  Or, he will ask me not to come to events where his family is present because he “does not want to deal with it.”  The enmeshment is subtle, and they all act very kind to each other.  He has admitted that he feels guilty when he is with me and not with this family or has not recently spent enough time with them.  I have been watching him live a double life and believing that he can make this work …

I truly am not a part of his family life or his home… Our relationship leads to a separate compartment of his life in the same city.  I think that he believes that I have been the “cause” of his increased unhappiness and “emotional numbness” because I am the only thing that has changed in his day-to-day this past year, causing his disjointed experience.  How I see it:  James is trying to do the impossible by leading a double life, where I, the woman he loves and wants to be with, am separate from his family life.  His family’s space and independence have not seemed to be established, even though he is a successful adult now. 

It’s an impossible balancing act, where there is no way for him to make everyone happy.  In this scenario, I see him believing that he should be happy because he believes he is “doing the right thing” to please everyone.  I believe that he is very fearful to “leave his family” and doesn’t know how to take the steps.  Due to that, I believe he will never have a happy and healthy relationship and family with me or any other woman.  I do not believe that he is an individual independent adult emotionally.  So, all parties have recognized that there is a problem, and my main concern is that James has projected this “problem” or enmeshment onto me.

How can I help this man that I love to start seeing the bigger picture here? How can I love and support him best through this journey?

Response:

 

Hi Moira,
Answering your questions from a man’s point of view, I think you need just to plan a time to sit down and the two of you talk. Ask him the questions yourself, How can I help this man? I love to start seeing the bigger picture here? How can I love and support him best through this journey?
Here are a few questions to help you think about why your boyfriend’s mother is avoiding you and why things might be affecting your relationship with your boyfriend?

  1. Have you thought about praying about this situation and reflected on your part of this problem with your boyfriend’s mom and your boyfriend?
  2. Have you any idea why his mother is keeping her distance from you?
  3. Have you said or done anything to offend her?
  4. Does she object that you are dating her son?
  5. Does she have a problem with your personality or values?
  6. Are you and James living together? That could be a problem in her eyes if she is a Christian.
  7. Did you ever think about asking her why she is avoiding you? Or do you think you already know and are not willing to respect her wishes?
  8. What has your boyfriend told you when you ask him about his mom?
  9. Has she always been this way?
  10. When you say you are working things out, what does work things out mean to you?
  11. When Diane admitted she has a problem, what did she say her problem was? Does she want help with her problem?

I read your email over a few times, and the only real solid suggestion to you would be to sit down, and the two of you, Diane and you, or the three of you sit down for an hour to start to talk things out.
I asked you the above questions because I thought it would help you reflect on what is going on and help give you some insights into your problem. I honestly do not have much to offer you in terms of a solution, except that the two of you (you and Diane) and also (you and James), then together the two of you sit down and talk with Diane to hopefully resolve things out or at least come to some agreements after airing things out in the open.

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

I need to be able to talk to someone that will listen and give me help… Roger

 

Response:

 

Hi Roger,
NeedEncouragement.com is set up primarily for the internet only.
My first suggestion to you would be to pray to God about your marriage, anger, and how to love yourself. After doing that, I suggest that you call 800-633-3446 and talk to someone there, or you can chat by going to NeedEncouragement.com/chat and following the link to chat.
Sometimes people overlook things such as:

  1. Getting enough sleep.
  2. A healthy diet.
  3. Getting some regular exercise.
  4. Avoiding stress by not overcommitting your schedule.
  5. Unconfessed sin.
  6. Make sure you have a regular prayer life. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

I hope these suggestions help you. Keep looking to the Lord, for He has the answers!
Bill Greguska

 


 

Question:

 

Tonight my husband and I were knocked down.  We discovered that our 14-year-old daughter has been smoking weed, sneaking around, and now she has claimed that she thinks she is bisexual.  Then I found out that my 23-year-old daughter told her that she is.  Lord, I don’t know what to do.  My heart is breaking, and I don’t know what way to turn.  Please pray for my husband and me.

 

Response:

 

Hi Janice,

 

It is very wise that you are reaching out and asking for prayer. I encourage you to continue to do this because prayer is your best line of approach. Have you spoken to your pastor about this yet? Ensure that you and your husband are on the same page when dealing with our daughter(s).

NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

I will pray that these thoughts and actions of your 14-year-old daughter are just passing whims she is going through. If you have a close enough relationship with her, I would suggest trying to sit down and hear her side of the story and explain that God created man and woman to be together. Explain that God has given her free will, yet with that free will, she does not have the freedom to the consequences of her actions and disobedience.

 

Ask your 14-year-old some questions to open discussion. Putting up walls and anger will not be beneficial at this point. For example, with marijuana, peer pressure is very significant, not to mention the impact of marijuana or other drugs and alcohol.

 

You need to love her and set up some boundaries that she ought not to cross without consequences. She lives in your home and needs to follow the rules like not breaking civil laws such as smoking marijuana.

 

NeedEncouragement.com/marijuana

 

Or spiritual laws God has implemented, such as having to do with homosexuality.

NeedEncouragement.com/homosexuality

 

Our culture’s youth has elevated things like marijuana, bisexuality, homosexuality, and young people who are curious and searching for their own form of truth. Pray for both of your girls and pray for wisdom for yourselves too. Sin comes in many different, and God hates all sin. Try to be patient and understanding with both of your daughters.

 

Do not allow this to turn into a shouting match, keep calm in the spirit and speak the truth in love. After that, at some point, your hands are going to be tied, and your daughter will make up her own mind. Be sure to continue to love her no matter what she chooses. She needs to know that you love her unconditionally even if she makes the wrong choices in life. I am sure you did not grow up without giving your parents any heartbreaking news either.

 

Keep praying for both your daughters and love them as God would love them. Put your daughter in an open palm to the Lord and allow Him to work in her heart and her mind. Do not panic. Just lean on God a little harder!

 

May God bless you and make you and your husband stronger during this time as you put your trust and hope in Him.

 

 

Bill Greguska

 

 

 

 

 

 

Question:

My fiance and I are struggling with the idea of sex “outside of marriage.” We firmly believe that Jesus looks to the heart of His people. And if our hearts have made the marriage covenant, they are “married” despite not having an official ceremony. Therefore, sex during engagement is acceptable. Thoughts?

 

 

Response:

 

Hi Elaina,
I am glad you have reached out and asked for advice. First of all, you are not alone. This temptation is common to all couples to some degree or another, but what you do with this temptation will affect your future. You say that you are engaged to be married, then why don’t you wait until you get married?
Dating ought to be a long-term situation to get to know one another, and engagement should be a short-term situation after getting to know each other fully. I assume you are planning to be married in spring. In that case, wait approximately 150 days or less and start your marriage off on the right foot. Have you brought this concern of yours to God? NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray
There are more factors to consider. Do you guys attend church together? If so, what do you think your pastor would say about you wanting to have sex before marriage? Have you guys gone through marital counseling already? Has either one of you been divorced in the past? Are you living together?
With the extremely high divorce rate in the United States, you need to go into all of this with both of your eyes open and not be swept away emotionally with the carrot of sex driving your decisions. Divorce is excruciating, something to be avoided at ALL costs! I know what I am saying because I have been divorced.  NeedEncouragement.com/my-divorce-hurt
My thoughts are in agreement with God’s thoughts. So, if you want a straight answer to your question, it would be no not to have sex before marriage. For more information, read on.
Yes, Jesus looks at our hearts, but that does not mean he closes His eyes to things that He has established in His teaching.
Do you feel you know him long enough and good enough and trust him enough to be committed to you in all areas of life and vice versa? If so, then you guys ought to talk about getting married sooner. If he wants to have sex before you guys are even married, what would stop him from having sex with someone else once you did get married? Living your life to honor God with integrity and honesty is so important.
You have mentioned, “We firmly believe that Jesus looks to the heart of His people.” The question I ask you is, “Is your heart wanting to please God or your own flesh?”
I think you know the answer to your own question, and I can not or will not or will not give you counsel to go against God’s word. God has given you both a free will to do what you want, but you do not have the freedom to choose the consequences.
You did not mention if both of you are actively practicing your Christian faith or not. If not, that would be even more important to consider than anything else right now before you get married.
I am sorry that I could not condone your desire to have sex before marriage with your fiance. But I am sure if you bring this to God in prayer, He will give you the strength to be strong and start your marriage off the right way.
I pray that you seek God’s word more clearly and follow His will, not our own will. (you recall what happened in the garden when Adam and Eve did what was right in their own eyes instead of obeying God).
Bill Greguska

 

Question:

 

I am interested in free Christian counseling if you still have it available.

Response:

 

Good morning Kerry,

 

Yes, there still is free Christian counseling available on the website. My apology that when you went to NeedEncouragement.com/free-christian-counseling, I am sorry that I did not have it more clear for you to be able to see how to get “Free Chrisitan Counseling.”

 

Thanks for pointing that out to me. I went to the back end of the site and fixed that for you and others too. Now you will be able to see more clearly. I hope this helps, and counseling helps also.

 

Keep in mind that prayer needs to be involved each day, asking God to direct you and show you the way. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

 

Question:

I struggle day and day with emotional doubts in myself. These doubts keep killing me with the past’s dark emotional feeling, like a shame that keeps me from being me. It’s just a really hard thing to deal with. As I been looking for the answer, I came across this person on youtube who said that in doubt, I should trust in God, which is Biblically correct also. Still, I just want advice on trusting God best and having better relationships because now I know that God wants a greater revelation for me.

So that’s what I need advice on which I’m going to be praying a lot because it all started with doubts for a whole year now, and it has taken so much from my life, and all God wanted to do is to help me and love me, but I just kept. Listening to the dark feeling of depression, anxiety, and shame, I know that God will heal me in the end.

Thank you-

 

Response:

 

Hi Steve,

 

Thank you for reaching out to us. I hope what I share with you will be of help to you. You are not alone. Each human being has some doubts about themselves. Keep in mind who’s the voice you are listening to, whether it is God’s voice or Satan’s voice. But it sounds to me as though you have been focusing on your weaknesses and doubts more than you have been focusing on God and his strength and power and great love for you. Read this scripture below slowly and try to understand what God is trying to tell you.

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 

Like any relationship here on earth, it takes time, energy, and effort to make it work. You do not ignore your friends, so why do we think that we can ignore God and still have a strong relationship with Him? Here are a couple of ideas that I am sure will get you started in having a better relationship with God:

 

Keep it Simple

  1. First thing in the morning, pray and thank God for a new day, invite God to direct your day, confess any sin you may be holding on to. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray
  2. Open your Bible and read at least three to seven short verses in Proverbs to start with (increase your learning amount as you feel more comfortable doing so). Read as much as you would like to, be sure to read it slowly to understand what it is trying to say to you.
  3. Eventually, begin reading the Gospel of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. (I would suggest beginning with the book of John)
  4. Write a short paragraph based on what you read and anything else you feel a need to say to God or ask God.
  5. Find a Bible-believing church to attend, and find someone who can help you stay on track. NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church

 

I hope this will be a good start for you to begin to rid yourself of depression, anxiety, shame. Here are three other pages that you might benefit from checking out.

  1. NeedEncouragement.com/depression
  2. NeedEncouragement.com/anxiety
  3. NeedEncouragement.com/shame

 

I will be praying that you continue to pray, but when you pray, Steve, not only pray but listen to what God is trying to tell you when you pray and also when you read his word. Here is a phone number you can call to talk with someone live at 800-633-3446. Also, here is a link to get started on a chat if you prefer to do that NeedEncouragement.com/chat

 

Also, take some time to look over our website to see other things that might help you.

 

May God continue to bless and keep you near Him and make your path clearer to you to follow Him! Don’t give up. Things will get better.

 

James 1:5   If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

 

 

Question:

We need to talk asap… the relationship ended!

 

Response:

 

Hi Ven,

 

I am very sorry to hear that your relationship ended. Being rejected can be very hurtful. Maybe there was some misunderstanding between you and your partner that happened, and you could work things out. On the other hand, perhaps it was meant to be? Have you taken this to the Lord in prayer? He will give you the comfort that you are looking for if you ask for wisdom. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

Do you have a church that you attend? If so, I would suggest talking to someone at your church. If you do not have a church, I would recommend going to NeedEncouragement.com/find-a-good-church.

 

Another good suggestion would be to visit and chat with someone online NeedEncouragement.com/chat.

 

I know you must be feeling some pain and confusion at this point, but rest assure that in our lives, people can let us down and leave us, but always remember that God will never leave you or forsake you! We do not do phone counseling, but the link for the chart above can help you. Otherwise, you can call 800-633-3446.

 

May God bless you and comfort you during this time. If you contact your partner, be sure to be very respectful, and apologize if you have done them wrong. If they do not want to talk, then pray for them and respect their request. I am praying that you find comfort in God’s word and things will work out in God’s will.

 

Bill Greguska

 


 

 

Question:

My mind seems to be overtaken with sinful thoughts most uncontrollably.

 

 

Hi Tracy,
Here are a couple of things for you to think about and consider:
Philippians 4:8  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Do you pray about these habitual sins? Do you read your Bible? Do you have fellowship with other believers? Do you confess your sins to God? Do you put yourself around situations that are a temptation to you? Do you have a church you attend? Do you have a pastor to talk with?
Here are a couple of pages on my website that can be of help to you:
Also, you can call 800-633-3446
I hope and pray that what I have shared with you has been of help to you!
Bill Greguska

 

Question:

Hi there,

I’ve been looking for someone to give me a piece of godly advice regarding a subject that’s been on my mind these past several weeks. Still, unfortunately, there’s nobody in my church who can help me as it’s a personal issue and I haven’t found anyone to chat to about it.

I didn’t want to make a habit of using the internet to solve problems, but I was just hoping you would be available for just a one-time piece of godly advice to a brother.

My wife and I are both in our late thirties, have been saved since our mid-twenties, and have experienced a very fulfilling and blessed relationship both emotionally and spiritually.  But, something has been bugging me lately, which my mind can’t seem to switch off from.

My wife is 39, is in great physical shape, she has always had a real woman’s body: power thighs, big round hips, and buttocks, and she takes care of herself.  But the thing that’s bugging me is that she wears these leggings when she’s out in public. They aren’t see-through or anything, but they are very body-hugging, tight, and revealing of her lower body; every curve is on display when she wears them.

I don’t know why but for some reason, I feel very insecure and start to feel very jealous when I notice other guys in public or at the grocery store staring at her buttocks or checking out her lower half – there is a lot to check out.  I wondered if you could tell me from a spiritual perspective if I am sinning by feeling jealous.  I don’t want to feel this feeling, and it would help tremendously if you could clarify for me if it is, in fact, a sin; that way, I can fight it with scripture.

I don’t want to tell my wife what to wear. I just want to feel normal when she wears these leggings – most every other woman wears them in public, so why do I feel strangely jealous when she does?

I hope you can help me with this problem.  I have prayed about it, but I can’t seem to find any answers, and as I say, there is no-one else to talk to.

 

Blessings,

Ben

 

Response:

Hi Ben,
What you are saying is right on the money. First of all, you are NOT sinning by having feelings of jealousy in this case, and if you did not have those feelings, I would be more concerned. The ones that are sinning are the ones who look at your wife lustfully. My daughter did something similar years ago, and when I confronted her, she told me that it was not her problem but the guy’s problem. Maybe your wife is not even aware of what she is doing and how men are wired? This is what I suggest you do:

  1. Pray about it. needencouragement.com/how-to-pray
  2. Talk to your wife about it.
  3. If your wife does not like what you say, after telling her how you feel, offer her to buy her some new clothes and explain how men I wired to be visually stimulated, which is different from how women are stimulated.
  4. If your wife still does not like what you say, do not make an argument out of it, but rather bring it to your pastor as a concern for your marriage.

Remember, you are a man in your house, but be sure you are a gentleman in all circumstances and dealing with this potentially delicate subject. I hope what I have shared with you will help you and your wife!
May God bless you and your marriage and that your wife has ears to hear, and also she understands that you love her, and you want the best for her and your marriage!

Bill Greguska

 

More:

Thanks for your message, but let me put it another way… if your wife wore tight, thin leggings in public that showed off her lower half wouldn’t you feel any pang of anger or jealousy overseeing other guys ogle it and want her to wear something else because her body belongs to you and you alone?  Or would you say that feeling was a sin?

Response:

 Hi Ben,
I do not know what else I can tell you, except to re-read the email that I sent you. But read it a little slower. I am sorry I was not 100% clear to you, but if she does not listen to what you say about the way she dresses, contact your pastor, and the three of you can talk things out.
Go for the solution rather than being stuck on the problem. Take this to God in prayer first, then talk with your wife, then talk with your pastor if she is unwilling to change her ways.
I am sorry that you have to deal with this but be patient, praying that things will work out.
Bill Greguska 

Question:

Hi, I’d like help with my relationship with God. In the summer of 2018, I’ve been the closest with God, but now I’ve lost faith. I feel like the reason why behind this is because of the stress and time from school. I’m not sure what to do, but I don’t feel a connection with him at all anymore. Please help.

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Nina,

 

I would suggest that you pray to God and rekindle that relationship that still is there but has been overlooked. He has not gone anywhere; it is us that turn our backs on him. He loves us and will forgive us as a loving Father would.

 

Ask yourself what got in the way of your relationship with God? Often some of the things that get between God and us are our flesh, money, laziness, complacency, lack of prayer, Bible reading, and I would say most of all, sin. Is there any sin in your life that is not confessed and repented from?

 

Whatever it may be, confess it to God and turn from it. As is says in 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

I pray that your passion for God returns as you humble yourself to God, and I know that He will greet you with open arms.

 

Bill Greguska

NeedEncouragement.com/relationship-with-Jesus

800-633-3446

 

 


 

Question:

(Two questions for you)

Do people go to hell because of self-perception?

Do people go to hell because they committed suicide?

Lulu

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Lulu,

 

I wanted to answer both of your questions, but the first question I did not understand precisely what you were trying to say, but I can tell you this though, the only way to go to hell would be to reject Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. We are all sinners, every last one of us, but if we are have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, hell is not an option.

 

Here is a link to a youtube video that will help answer your question about suicide. https://www.youtube.com/embed/YTUlnyv6mbk

 

I was not sure why you asked the question about suicide, but if you are struggling with thoughts of suicide or know someone who is, please go to NeedEncouragement.com/suicide-prevention.

 

I got this information from an excellent website that I like and I often use it called GotQuestions.org.

 

I hope and pray that what I have shared with you has answered your questions!

 

Bill Greguska

 

 


 

Question:

“If a Christian commits suicide, is he/she still saved?”

Response Letter:

It is a sad fact that some Christians have committed suicide. Adding to the tragedy is the false teaching that committing suicide automatically consigns one to hell. Many believe that a Christian who commits suicide will not be saved. This teaching is not supported in the Bible.

 

Scripture teaches that we are guaranteed eternal life from the moment we truly believe in Christ (John 3:16). According to the Bible, Christians can know beyond any doubt that they possess eternal life (1 John 5:13). Nothing can separate a Christian from God’s love (Romans 8:38–39). No “created thing” can separate a Christian from God’s love, and even a Christian who commits suicide is a “created thing”; therefore, not even suicide can separate a Christian from God’s love. Jesus died for all of our sins, and if a true Christian, in a time of spiritual attack and weakness, commits suicide, his sin is still covered by the blood of Christ.

According to the Bible

Suicide is not what determines whether a person gains entrance into heaven. If an unsaved person commits suicide, he has done nothing but “expedite” his journey to hell. However, that person who committed suicide will ultimately be in hell for rejecting salvation through Christ, not because he committed suicide (see John 3:18).

However, we should also point out that no one truly knows what was happening in a person’s heart the moment he or she died. Some people have “deathbed conversions” and accept Christ in the moments before death. It is possible that a person who commits suicide could have a last-second change of heart and cry out for God’s mercy. We leave such judgments to God (1 Samuel 16:7).

The suicide of a believer is evidence that anyone can struggle with despair and that our enemy, Satan, is “a murderer from the beginning” (John 8:44). Suicide is still a serious sin against God. According to the Bible, suicide is a murder; it is always wrong. Christians are called to live their lives for God, and the decision of when to die is God’s and God’s alone.

May God grant grace and the psalmist’s perspective to each one who is facing trials today: “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 43:5).

 


 

Question:

 

I’m having relationship issues. My man misunderstood God and ended the relationship. I need God to pls speak to him and bring us back before my birthday. We’re ready for a Fresh Start with God as the foundation.

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Bello,

 

I am sorry to hear you are going through a relationship problem. My first thought would be to suggest that you take this relationship issue to God in prayer. Be patient and calm.

 

You might want to write him a short detailed letter explaining why you believe he misunderstood God. Write it out for him. Let him read it, and then you can have something to talk over. You might want to wait at least a day or two to give him the letter.

 

After you talk on the phone, then talk in person would be the way to deal with things.

 

My pastor’s wife told me something very wise I like to share with you. Keep your boyfriend and everything and everyone in an open palm often. The problem is that we hold on too tightly to people and things. Allow God to work in your boyfriend’s heart and your heart in the next few days to see what develops.

 

I pray that you guard your heart and trust that God will work out things the way He knows best how to do.

 

Bill Greguska

 

Thank you so much. This really brought relief to me. I plead that you also join me in prayers pls.

Thank you

 

Hi Bello,

I pray right now that God restores your relationship with your boyfriend. It that is your will, Lord. If not, I pray that Bello will find her strength in you, Lord, and the people in her life. Bello would love for the relationship to get back together and have it based on you, God. Hear her plea Lord and give her what she needs. 800-633-3446

 

Bill Greguska

 

NeedEncouragement.com/healthy-relationships

Thank you, that means a lot.

 


 

 

Hi Ben,

 

What you are saying is right on the money. First of all, you are NOT sinning by having feelings of jealousy in this case, and if you did not have those feelings, I would be more concerned. The ones that are sinning are the ones who look at your wife lustfully. My daughter did something similar years ago, and when I confronted her, she told me that it was not her problem but the guy’s problem. Maybe your wife is not even aware of what she is doing and how men are wired? This is what I suggest you do:

 

  1. Pray about it. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray
  2. Talk to your wife about it.
  3. If your wife does not like what you say, after telling her how you feel, offer her to buy her some new clothes and explain how men I wired to be visually stimulated, which is different from how women are stimulated.
  4. If your wife still does not like what you say, do not make an argument out of it, but rather bring it to your pastor as a concern for your marriage.

Remember, you are a man in your house, but be sure you are a gentleman in all circumstances and dealing with this potentially delicate subject. I hope what I have shared with you will help you and your wife!

 

May God bless you and your marriage and that your wife has ears to hear, and also she understands that you love her, and you want the best for her and your marriage!

Bill Greguska

 


 

 

Question:

 

Do you provide any online or over-the-phone counseling? I could really use some, and so could my husband, separately.

 

Response Letter:

 

Hi Traci,

 

I do not do extended online or over-the-phone counseling myself, even though I answer some questions when people write to me. I am a Christian that offers advice to those who inquire with the wisdom from God’s word, the Bible,e and my personal life experiences of 58 years, although I am not a counselor who digs deep down with extended visitations.

 

I would encourage you to contact https://krisreece.com/christian-counseling.

 

Here are some very encouraging videos by Kris Reece

 

Also, here are some excellent pages from my website that can also be of help to you both

  1. NeedEncouragement.com/better-marriage
  2. NeedEncouragement.com/marriage-tips
  3. NeedEncouragement.com/marriage-relationship
  4. NeedEncouragement.com/good-marriage

 

I hope and pray that what I have shared with you is helpful to you and your husband. I pray that your marriage strengthens and you can love one another like you did before you were married. Do not give up on your marriage as so many others do. God hates divorce.

 

Make sure you pray each day about it in your time with God. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

God bless you both,

 

Bill Greguska

 

NeedEncouragement.com

 

 


 

 

Question:

 

I don’t know how to start. I don’t know why I am doing this either. In all retrospect, this seems like a stupid idea, and that is coming from me, a 13-year-old girl who has made multiple stupid choices in the entirety of my life. I believe that I am sending this because I just want someone to listen.

I believe I am doing this also for forgiveness and not just from God. Forgive me, father, for I have sinned, that’s what people do when they sin right, they confess, they beg for forgiveness of a person whom they don’t even know exists (please don’t get me wrong, a Catholic mother raised me, so of course I believe in God).

So allow me to confess, I have committed 7 things the commandments have said not to do. I have lied constantly, manipulated, tricked many people, even those closest to me. I have thought about suicide. I have thought of many things. Growing up, my mother abused me. I sometimes, as a child, prayed for her, but now it seems they pray for me.

My mother believes that God punishes my family for our sins due to the fact of my father lost his job, my sister almost lost her vision, me possibly repeating school, etc. She took me one time to church to talk to God. I had no idea of what to say. Sometimes I do believe that it is a punishment from God for my sins, I feel corrupted somehow, compelled to learn about evil( ex. I have been for the past 4 or 5 years been very obsessed to learn and read about demons, but I don’t because I’m too scared to). I feel depressed from within. I feel trapped, only able to accept the choice already made for me. I believe that is why I doubt Catholicism.

It only shows one side of the story (God’s side) and not the story’s satan side. We don’t know what truly happened. We can only believe that it is true. I can’t help but doubt if a God was so forgiving, why do people go to hell. I can’t help but doubt, please forgive me, but I turned to God whenever I was in trouble, so why should I not turn to him now. Father help me, for I think I am damned.

 

– Honorine

 

Response Letter:

 

 

Hi Honorine,

 

I am glad you reached out to share what is going on in your life. Since you believe in God and loves you, you are not dammed. You have merely taken the wide road offered by the world and the devil, but you still have time to get on the narrow road which leads to life.

 

First of all, I encourage you to take time right now to pray to God, and He has not turned His back on you. It is us who turn our back on Him. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray

 

Next, I encourage you to do what it says in 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

 

It sounds like you have a lot on your heart and mind that you are dealing with. I understand what you are saying about the Catholic church. You might want to find a protestant Bible-believing church to attend if possible. If not, since you are so young, I encourage you to check out our website, watch some good Christian videos, and check out the many pages on different topics we have. Needencouragement.com/false-religions.

 

I pray for you right now that you can ask God to give you wisdom and direction in your life. I pray that you do not become overwhelmed with too many things all at the same time. Walk with the Lord, read your Bible, and begin a close relationship with Him. You are not alone, God is with you (Emanuel), and He will put the right people in your path to accomplish His will in your life!

Bill Greguska