We All Need To Set Boundaries!
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Set Boundaries, Especially With Toxic People!
HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES IN 4 STEPS
- Our Thoughts
- Our Feelings
- Our Bodies
- Our Decisions
1. Take a Brutally Honest, Prayerful Assessment
- How do you feel about the situation and why?
- What do you wish it could be different?
- Is the other person sinning against you? How?
2. Define Your Boundaries
- Is someone blaming me for something that is their responsibility?
- What is reasonable for someone to ask of me, and what is not?
- What are my expectations of this person? Are those reasonable?
- What do I need to communicate so that my limits are understood?
3. Establish Consequences
How To Set Boundaries And Stop People Pleasing?
The Term Set Boundaries Became Popular In The Mid ’80s
I remember when I was growing up that I had problems crossing over boundaries. It was not until it was explained to me that having limits go both ways and help people to get along in a peaceful and orderly manner. Without boundaries, a person can become overwhelmed with fatigue, stress, disrespect, and an overall lack of peace and contentment. We must limit what we allow others to demand from us and what we freely offer to do for others. (you may think it is a Christian thing to serve and sacrifice for others, and that is true, but we still need to guard our hearts, mind, and body against overextending ourselves).
Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules, or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for others to behave toward them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits. This life skill has been widely referenced in self-help books and used in counseling since the mid-1980s.
Jesus Taught us How To Set Boundaries.
- Personal Prayer Time: “But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen” (Matthew 6:6).
- Be Honest and Direct (Don’t Pressure People or Try to Get Them to Do Things): “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (Matthew 5:37).
- Set Priorities: “No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other” (Luke 16:13).
- Please God, Not People: “How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?” (John 5:44).
- Obey God: “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’ ‘I will not,’ he answered, but later, he changed his mind and went. Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go. Which of the two did what his father wanted?” ’The first,’ they answered” (Matthew 21:28-31).
Working Out Helpful Plans
- Set Healthy Boundaries. Yes, God’s word tells us to love one another, but there are times when we need to set proper boundaries in our relationships, which will help us keep things in perspective. You need to set these boundaries by saying “no” to work, loved ones, or activities you don’t want to do or harm you somehow. Doing too much to please others can make you overly sensitive when they do something that becomes upsetting to you. Even Jesus set boundaries when he turned the tables in the temple, stating that what the people were doing was wrong.
- Let It Go. Use a painful experience from your past to help make you who you are. Use it to give you strength, empathy, and character to become a better person. We all have something that has hurt us. Don’t let your weakness define who you are. Instead, through prayer, use it to become stronger and more Christ-like.
More Helpful Plans
- Kindness Is A Wonderful Thing. But being kind to others doesn’t always guarantee their acceptance and approval if that is your motive. We would be better off serving others and ourselves if we do things because we want to, not because we expect something in return. Kindness and love go hand in hand, and the Lord commands us to love Him with all our heart, mind, and soul and to love others as we love ourselves.
- Think And Be Positive While Trusting God. When something upsets you or gets under your skin, it’s helpful to look at the situation more logically. Did the case call for the reaction you had, or are you losing your patience unnecessarily? Often it is best to turn the cheek when others disrespect or hurt you. You do not need to confront every situation that hurts your feelings or is objectionable to you. Ask yourself if the other person is doing something wrong or if you are taking the situation too personally. If someone is genuinely hurtful, you can ask for what you need or work on letting go of the negative thoughts and feelings. Think before you say or do things that you might regret.
Some Specific Scriptures To Encourage You:
Galatians 6:5 ESV
For each will have to bear his own load.
2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
Colossians 4:6 ESV
Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
Proverbs 25:17 ESV
Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.
Acts 17:26 ESV
And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place,
Psalm 16:5-9 ESV
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.
Proverbs 15:1 ESV
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Philippians 4:8 ESV
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Proverbs 22:24 ESV
Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man,
Proverbs 19:19 ESV
A man of great wrath will pay the penalty, for if you deliver him, you will only have to do it again.
Psalm 147:14 ESV
He makes peace in your borders; he fills you with the finest of the wheat.
Matthew 5:28 ESV
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
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