Honoring God Is Your First Priority When Dating!
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Only God knows who “your partner” should be, and you should want only the “partner” that he has Handpicked for you. SO, to me, “being available for your partner” means first being available to God, to shape good character in your life, walking closely with Him, praying that God Who knows that person, will bless him/her with true faith and character qualities; looking around you at the numbers of people of the opposite sex; getting to spend time with them noting their conversation, reactions, core beliefs, interactions, conversations, the questions they ask, asking pertinent questions to them, noting the quality of their faith, desires, self-control, goal(s) in life, work habits, thoughts, humility, teach-ability, courage, conflict resolutions, fruit of the Spirit.. This is not “dating with a view towards marriage” but VERY necessary time before marriage is even considered: just YOU – enjoying being YOU with others whom God has brought across your path! (continued below) ~ Sue Sauer
2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Reasons You Might Be Still Single?
Who Should I Marry?
6-Steps To Great Dating
Does God Promise You A Spouse?
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A Christian Movie About Getting To Know Someone!
Continued Thoughts By Sue Sauer About Dating And Marriage:
Thinking about marriage with anyone too soon is like opening the oven too many times with a cake cooking in the oven: it makes the temperature go down and the cake is likely to fall and be rubbery!! The best thing is to keep the conversation going with your Loving, Living Heavenly Father, keeping equal open palms before Him: “Lord, I’d really like to be married to a Godly person to serve You together, but I am holding an equally open palm about being single to serve You as a single person the rest of my life! (That is surrender the Lord responds to) You make it plain. I am YOURS.” The FOCUS makes all the difference. In those days, I earnestly added, “Lord, You know what a person is going to turn out like.
Just PLEASE don’t give me to someone who is going to quit halfway. I fully expect to finish well, and I want to finish neck-in-neck with the person You give me to, and hear Your ‘Well Done.’ The FOCUS on the LORD God makes the child of God less likely to fall into temptation and snares of the sinful nature, more sensitive to the promptings of the HOLY Spirit; more aware of being a compass to point a brother/sister to Him, so that at the end of the time together when parted, you can think back and consider this thought, “Am I closer to the Lord because of time with him/her? Is he/she possibly closer to the Lord because of time spent with me?” ~ Sue Sauer
My Thoughts About Dating
When dating, make sure you take your time and get to know your partner, ideally for a year or more, before committing to marriage! When I was dating, my first hope was to find someone who was a Christian; we would get along with well (like a best friend, as my sister Pat used to tell me about her husband, Gary). Someone who could be a teammate, honest, and had a sense so humor would be like-minded and respectful.
All the good qualities you are looking for, you may or may not find. Hopefully, you will find almost all of them, and the other ones can be discussed during dating. Keep in mind that there is no place for sex outside of marriage. If you are not ready to date for some reason, maybe recently divorced, or have other issues, then be patient, honest, and pure while being friends with those of the opposite sex. But if you feel you are ready now, take it to God in prayer, and if He says yes, then get out there and let the Lord lead you, and you will not be disappointed for doing so in the long run. ~ Bill Greguska
Bob Marley Relationship Advice
“If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy. … Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” – Bob Marley
Relevant Bible verse
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” – Proverbs 18:22
Specific Relationship Resource Links:
15 IMPORTANT THINGS BEFORE YOU GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP!
I encourage you to think before you enter your next relationship. Ask yourself a few questions and ask God to give you clear direction and plan. If you believe that a relationship will heal you, make you whole again, and make you happy, you better think about that. Happiness starts from within, not from others, although if you are whole in the first place, others can add to your joy in life. Please look at these ideas before venturing out to find the love of your life.
1. What Are Your Expectations For A Relationship?
2. What Are You Looking For?
3. What Is A Good Relationship Mean To You?
4. Your Friends Are Important, Do Not Abandon Them!
5. How Do I Know If I Am Ready For A Relationship?
6. Are You At Negotiating And Compromising?
7. What Are Your Goals And Dreams?
Knowing your goals and letting your partner know what they are is essential. You will want to have a plan when it comes to achieving them. Having the right partner will help you achieve those goals, and you can help them with their dreams too, but sometimes your plans can get lost in a new relationship. Sometimes that is okay, depending on how important the goal is for you or them. It is crucial to let the skeletons out a little at a time. In doing so, your partner can feel free to share their weaknesses or blunders in their life too. Being transparent and honest are wonderful traits, but not all on the first date, if you know what I mean. Philippians 3:13-14 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Top 10 Dating Mistakes Christians Need To Avoid!
8. Are Finances A Problem At This Time For You?
9. Do Not Let Your Ex Be A Factor In Your New Relationship!
10. Do You Have A Drinking Or Drug Problem?
11. Are You Comfortable Being Alone?
12. Do You Have A Pretty Good Balance In Your Life?
You have to establish your sense of balance before entering a relationship. Naturally, a new relationship will tip your balance a little, but you should be able to bring your balance back relatively quickly. Your friends will help with this since they know you pretty well, and talking to them about this can be very helpful so you do lose yourself in your new relationship. Balance is an excellent thing! Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.
13. What Do I Do To Find The Right Person?
14. What About Your Hobbies And Interests?
15. Rome Was Not Built In A Day. Take Your Time!
My Principles For Healthy Dating After A Broken Relationship For Next Time!
- Learn what their relationship with God means to them. Hear their testimony.
- Find out about their past, especially if they are divorced, have children, etc.
- Don’t give up your personal life and your friendships with others.
- Do not talk about marriage except initially (only to see if they are open to it someday and if that is something you want).
- Can you see them as a possible teammate?
- How important is God to them in their life?
- Don’t be misled by good looks.
- Is physical attraction the main attraction, or is spiritual, emotional, and intellectual attraction important too?
- Take enough time to get to know each other and their likes and dislikes.
- Look for Godly character and let them know you like that.
- Take a lot of time before you kiss; at least four months of dating or more would be wise.
- Sex before marriage is not an option.
- Don’t tell them you love them until you know it is true love.
- Are they friendly, like-minded, respectful, kind, honest, transparent, loyal, and have integrity?
- Do they generally seem to be more naturally positive or negative?
- Are they emotionally stable, generally speaking?
- Do they have any past or present addiction or issue that needs to be discussed?
- Do they have a good sense of humor?
- Do they communicate well, both listening and talking?
- Try to limit three dates per week max. Start slow you can always increase later.
- Pay attention if they tend to argue or debate quickly.
- Enjoy your time together, hang out with one another and try to have a purpose.
- Keep both eyes open while dating, then one eye shut if you were to get married.
- Always be the best person you can be and help improve them.
- No matter how the relationship develops, make knowing each other brings them closer to God.
- Listen to them well and show love for them with your actions and kind words.
- How do they talk about others, and do they seem worthy of your trust?
- Encourage open communication and transparency.
- Keep the relationship a little private until it is more established.
- Ask a mentor, a close friend, or even a counselor or pastor for their advice when needed about your situation.
- Keep in mind that just because you are dating someone does not mean it will turn into a marriage.
- Enjoy getting to know them as a brother or sister in Christ whether or not you stay together.
- Do they act, talk, and dress appropriately?
- Be honest about why you are attracted to them and if that is substantial enough for a healthy relationship.
- Remember that you want God’s will to be done, not your will!
- Can they freely ask for forgiveness and also forgive you?
- Remember that it is okay to be single. Yet marriage can be excellent with the right person.
- What are their standards, values, and morals? Is it compatible with yours?
- Go slow emotionally, and do not count your chickens before they are hatched.
- Be sure that the way you treat them is pleasing to the Lord and that your conscience is clear.
- Please pay attention to them while determining their character. Tell them what you admire about them.
- There is no such thing as a perfect girlfriend or boyfriend.
- Don’t email, text, or call too often or not enough. Ask what is comfortable for them.
- Give and take healthy space for one another. Have healthy boundaries.
- Pay attention to red flags. Talk to them calmly, non-judgmental way as you would want to be talked to.
- Determine if any negative trait can not be acceptable to you. Try to negotiate, if possible, or make other arrangements.
- Remember that you are not perfect, and they will not be perfect, either.
- Think of what you consider a deal breaker before you start dating someone.
- Pray about the relationship. Do not make any decisions based only on emotions.
- Ideally, wait all four seasons before getting married to know them well enough.
Taking Time To Know One Another Is Critical!
Don’t you think it makes sense to be dating the right person? Another way of looking at it is to ensure you are the right person. Practical tips on how to find the right person! If you are interested in knowing how to date someone, you will find much helpful information on this page. Proper dating is based on honesty, excellent communication, respect, and being open to your date while always being yourself.
The purpose of exclusive dating should be married as the ultimate goal. However, some people agree to be at least being romantically driven toward one another, which is different. Be the right person, and date the right person. Before a couple even thinks about getting married, they should consider going together at the very least for one year before making that commitment. Make sure you do not go too quickly. Remember that it takes some time to grow a tree. ~ Bill Greguska
Once You Find Someone You Like, And They Like You!
My Prayer Is That You Will!
- Guard your heart and take things slowly.
- Don’t get too emotional.
- Not get carried away by run-away thoughts too far ahead of the relationship.
- Keep all that happens in an open palm, 1 Peter 5:7.
- be grateful for walking alongside, breathing the same air, taking one step at a time, and waiting, waiting, WAIT on the LORD.
- Be an observer, a collector of information, a learner, realizing that each person is a DEEP WELL and no one but God is Omniscient!
- Remember that kissing or holding hands can cloud rational thoughts!
- So pray that God reveals in His time all you need to know about your date and all they need to know about you so you can make a rational decision about going further.
How Do You Know Someone Is “The One?”
Here Are Some Helpful Links:
- Is sex okay before marriage?
- Sex only okay after marriage?
- Should a Christian use a dating service to find a spouse?
- What does the Bible say about dating?
- What is the difference between dating and courting?
Do Not Rush Things When Dating!
Would you please slow down when dating if you feel pressured and want to get married? If you go too fast, you will likely make emotional decisions that you will regret later.
Please be sure to get to know and like the person you are dating. Getting the other person sees them in different settings to see how they react.
A person can and will put their best foot forward for a while, but in the end, you will get the real person, which is why it is essential to take time to get to know and understand the person you are dating. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, not just something to take lightheartedly and end up in a divorce.
Don’t Be Naïve, Because Roses Do Have Thorns Too!
- Only pursue a serious dating relationship once you are ready to marry. Until people are mature enough to get married, they ought not to be in a serious romantic relationship. But, in the meantime, they should use their time growing as a person.
- Be yourself and guard your heart until you know another person. Make sure the other person is worth your time and energy to get involved in a deeper relationship.
- Talking about marriage immediately is an excellent way to scare off someone you care about, especially if they do not feel as attracted to you as you are to them.
- When you date a friend, you will see your date in many situations, such as handling stress and treating their family and others.
- A sense of humor is not only enjoyable but is an excellent tool to be able to handle what life hands out.
Ephesians 5:3 But among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any impurity, or greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.
30 Questions To Get To Know The Person You Are Dating Better?
Here are a few suggestions, not necessarily in this order, but as it naturally comes up or in a lull in the conversation when prompted by the Holy Spirit:
- How did you come to know the Lord? i.e., What were the circumstances that brought you to the realization or understanding of the Gospel/Good News?
- What are your favorite things to do?
- What books have marked your life? – as a child, as an adult? (Were you read to as a child?)
- Mention some influences that made a positive impact on your life?
- What places have you lived/traveled to?
- What friendships made a difference in your life?
- Have you learned some valuable lessons from people/friendships?
- Was there a teacher/class from a school that you remember with fondness & why?
- What was the most challenging year(s) in school? [Dr. James Dobson says the Middle School years are often the hardest, and many bear the scars of those years.]
- Siblings? Birth order?
- Favorite time of the year?
- Do you have a favorite color/number?
- What’s your favorite bird & why?
- Are your parents alive?
- Did you take vacations with your family? Where? Favorite places, etc.
Some Specific Scriptures To Encourage You:
2 Timothy 2:22 ESV
So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Genesis 2:18 ESV
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
Genesis 2:24 ESV
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Song of Solomon 2:7 ESV
I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
Hebrews 13:4 ESV
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Proverbs 4:23 ESV
Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.
Proverbs 18:22 ESV
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 31:30 ESV
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 ESV
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
Romans 12:9-10 ESV
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
Matthew 19:5 ESV
And said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
Proverbs 19:14 ESV
House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.
Amos 3:3 ESV
“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to meet?
1 Peter 4:8 ESV
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly since love covers a multitude of sins.
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