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If you have just gone through a broken relationship, you want to circle yourself with supportive family and friends. Trying to heal and recover on your own is asking for even more trouble and possibly depression. Make sure that you keep your health in check by eating healthy, avoiding alcohol and street drugs, getting regular exercise, staying connected socially, and walking close to God each morning with your quiet time, prayers, bible reading, and journaling, Plus make sure you get 7-8 hours of sleep. A broken relationship can be excruciatingly painful, so it is wise to have a general plan to make it through. Ask God to help you; cry out for His help! Here are some ways I learn to do things differently. This can also apply to someone who has already been divorced. (I strongly encourage you to heal before attempting a new dating relationship or marriage). Avoid not dealing with wounds that can be toxic for your next relationship; unless you take care of your hurts and wounds before getting into a new relationship, you ask for more trouble down the road. When someone is not healed from a previous relationship or divorce adds baggage to the new relationship. It is hard to navigate in any relationship, but when things from the past have not been dealt with, it adds a lot of extra stress and potential hard ache. ~ Bill Greguska
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
How To Heal After Broken Relationships And Heartbreak?
Five Stages Of Grief
Letting go of a bad relationship can be complicated. That’s because the end of a relationship is, in some ways, like experiencing a death. Even if you are the one that initiated the breakup—and even if you believe that the breakup is the best thing for all involved—letting go of a relationship follows the same process as mourning a death.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D., in her groundbreaking book On Death and Dying (1969), outlined the phases of grieving experienced when one learns that they are dying. Her stages have since been aptly used to describe the process of grieving the death of a loved one.
A similar thing happens when grieving the end of a relationship. The following are Dr. Kubler-Ross’ stages of griefapplied to a breakup. (The pronouns he and she can be used interchangeably.)
In this phase, our heart—rather than our head—rules our belief system as we try to adjust to the idea of life without the person we’re losing. Even though we know the relationship is over, we don’t believe it. Against the better judgment of everyone around us, we can’t help but entertain fantasiesof things somehow working out. We see hidden glimmers of hope buried in clear indications that it’s over. (Unsurprisingly, this is the phase where we are most susceptible to late-night texting.)
Anger can manifest in many different ways—anger at your ex (“How could he do this to me? Why can’t she stop being selfish?”), anger at God or the universe (“Why can’t anything ever work out for me? Why am I cursed?”), anger at people or situations associated with the break-up (anger at the “other woman”; anger that your partner lost her job because that is when she “changed”), and anger at other people who don’t agree or stand with your anger (“Can you believe George and Jane still want to be friends with him after what he did to me?”).
This is the phase where we think it’s a great idea to tell anyone and everyone how “crazy” or “psycho” our ex was. This is also when we believe it’s crucial to send our ex-hateful emails because we don’t want him to think he got away with anything.
Bargaining often goes hand in hand with denial. Bargaining can be looking for any possible way to make the relationship work through negotiation, threats, and magic—for example, telling your ex that you will change, move, or go to therapy or telling him he is hurting the children, his family, your family, and the dog by leaving.
And, of course, this phase is not limited to bargaining with your ex. Many people bargain with The Powers That Be, promising to be a better person if only the ex would come back. You may take a new interest in astrology, tarot cards, or any voodoo that will forecast a reunion during this stage. This is also when we attempt to enlist all friends and family to “talk some sense” into them.
Depression, like anger, also surfaces in many different forms, for example, feeling tired all the time, not wanting to do anything but lay in bed, feeling disconnected from people even when you’re with them, being on the verge of tears most of the time, troublesleepingor sleeping too much, loss of appetiteor overeating, increase in drug or alcoholuse and—the big one—hopelessness.
Hopelessness is the most pervasive and debilitating; it is the thing that leads us to believe that nothing will ever be or feel different than it is right now. Hopelessness makes it feel like you will never move on and that nothing will ever work out for you.
Finally, this is the phase in which we can make peace with the loss. It doesn’t always come on suddenly; it often happens gradually, bit by bit, interspersed with other phases. Acceptance doesn’t always involve harmony and flowers—there is almost sure to be lingering sadness. Acceptance entails making peace with the loss, letting go of the relationship, and slowly moving forward with your life. Sometimes it feels like this phase will never come, which usually means you’re still struggling in an earlier phase.
Knowing your phases of grief can help normalize your break-up experience. It’s also important to know that there are no time limits and no rushing the process. Grieving is like digestion: You can do nothing to hurry it along. It takes time, and the only thing you can do is try to get through it. But take heart that this, like everything else, will eventually pass.
Jennifer Kromberg, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist.
Biblical Hope For Broken Relationships
10 Things That Will End A Relationship Before It Begins
By Almie Rose
10. Being available all the time
9. Texting or calling too frequently
8. Getting caught Facebook stalking them and their ex
7. Asking them almost every day what their plans are and if they’d like to hang out/go out
6. Making or planning significant events or trips too far ahead
5. Being too familiar and too intimate (in a non-sexy way)
In 2007, my pastor Ron Sauer and his wife Sue encouraged me to encourage others, knowing that I was struggling in my own life. They were wise to know that if I reached out to help other people with their problems, my problems would be put into a better perspective. Yes, and it did help! Please read 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. If you do not have a relationship with God by chance, I encourage you to get to know Him. I hope you find the encouragement you need on our website, no matter your situation. ~ Bill Greguska