Funny Stuff To Make You Laugh And Feel Good!
The Health Benefits Of Humor!
If You Liked Baby Videos, You Will Like This Video!
Some Of The Best Humor By Steven Wright!
>>>Watch to see if you can see him laugh or smile while telling his jokes!<<<
There is a comedian whose name is Steven Wright. He is one of my favorite comedians! He is awesome. His type of comedy is clean and way out there at the same time. He is what you call a deadpan comedian. When he does his stand-up show, he never laughs or smiles. Here is a little sample of his material. (He is intense, and he makes you think and laugh at the same time).
Throughout his illustrious career, Steven Wright’s quotes have become some of the most-quoted comedy material of all time – and today, we’ve collected a great assortment of clever quotes from the genius mind of this hilarious man to bust your sides open. If you need some relief from the chaos and insanity in the real world, enjoy these Steven Wright quotes and let laughter start to cure all of your ailments.
1. “Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.” – Steven Wright
2. “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Steven Wright
3. “The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.” – Steven Wright
4. “The judge asked, “What do you plead?” I said, “Insanity, your honor, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?” – Steven Wright
5. “The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.” – Steven Wright
6. “The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.” – Steven Wright
7. “The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.” – Steven Wright
8. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” – Steven Wright
9. “Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, “Hello?” and I said, “Hello, could I speak to Joey?”… They said, “Uh… I don’t think so…he’s only two months old.” I said, “I’ll wait.” – Steven Wright
10. “What a nice night for an evening.” – Steven Wright
Hilarious Steven Wright Quotes.
11. “What happens if you get scared half to death twice?” – Steven Wright
12. “What’s another word for Thesaurus?” – Steven Wright
13. “When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.” – Steven Wright
14. “I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.” – Steven Wright
15. “I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.” – Steven Wright
16. “I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.” – Steven Wright
17. “I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, “If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?” – Steven Wright
18. “If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.” – Steven Wright
19. “If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?” – Steven Wright
20. “I went to a fancy french restaurant called “Deja Vu.” The headwaiter said, “Don’t I know you?” – Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes That Will Make Your Day.
21. “I went to a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically.” – Steven Wright
22. “I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time.” So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.” – Steven Wright
23. “I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, “What for?” I said, “I’m going to buy some sugar.” – Steven Wright
24. “If you write the word “monkey” a million times, do you start to think you’re Shakespeare?” – Steven Wright
25. “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.” – Steven Wright
26. “In my house on the ceilings, I have paintings of the rooms above…so I never have to go upstairs.” – Steven Wright
27. “In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.” – Steven Wright
28. “It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.” – Steven Wright
29. “Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.” – Steven Wright
30. “Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.” – Steven Wright
Funny Steven Wright Quotes.
31. “Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.” – Steven Wright
32. “My socks DO match. They’re the same thickness.” – Steven Wright
33. “My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.” – Steven Wright
34. “Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 MPH, but I wasn’t going to be on the road an hour.” – Steven Wright
35. “OK, so what’s the speed of dark?” – Steven Wright
36. “On the other hand, you have different fingers.” – Steven Wright
37. “One night, I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody’s satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV’s all over the world.” – Steven Wright
38. “I wrote a song, but I can’t read music, so I don’t know what it is. Every once in a while, I’ll be listening to the radio, and I say, “I think I might have written that.” – Steven Wright
39. “I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.” – Steven Wright
40. “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
More Steven Wright Quotes To Make You Laugh.
41. “If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?” – Steven Wright
42. “If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.” – Steven Wright
43. “If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?” – Steven Wright
44. “If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.” – Steven Wright
45. “One time, a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read.” – Steven Wright
46. “Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.” – Steven Wright
47. “Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.” – Steven Wright
48. “Smoking cures weight problems…eventually.” – Steven Wright
49. “Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back, it said, “Wish you were here.” – Steven Wright
50. “Sponges grow in the ocean. That kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen.” – Steven Wright
Here Are Some Helpful Links:
- How should a Christian view comedy?
- Does God opposition to having fun or pleasure?
- Is it wrong to play a practical joke on someone?
- What does the Bible say about telling jokes?
Enjoy Funny Stuff, Because It Is Good for You!
Did you know it has been said that babies laugh an average of 300 times a day? Adults are entirely another story because they only laugh about 20 times a day. Joy and laughter are mentioned throughout the Bible, but sometimes life pressures can get you down. ~ Bill Greguska
Related Pages Of Encouragement:
Check Out The Following Funny Riddles!
>>>You can be the judge<<<
Q: Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Q: What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment, and never in one thousand years?
A: The letter M
Q: A man leaves home and turns left three times, only to return home, facing two men wearing masks. Who are those two men?
Q: What has hands but can not clap?
Q: What has one eye but cannot see?
Q. What kind of bagels can fly?
Q: What comes down but never goes up?
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