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I am 41 years old and in a difficult situation. I raised my two daughters alone after my divorce 18 years ago. My girls are now 20 and 18 years old and in college. I put myself through college when they were young. I never felt that I had the time to date. I worked two jobs much of the time and went to school. I was also very devoted to my girls. I decided to start dating this past summer. I allowed things to get carried away and became intimate too soon. Despite using protection, I became pregnant. I couldn’t go through with an abortion, and he disappeared when I told him I couldn’t terminate. I feel very ashamed and embarrassed by my situation. I also feel scared and lonely. I raised my daughters to not engage in premarital sex. My oldest daughter is very disappointed in me. I am now 18 weeks along. I’m so overwhelmed by the thought of starting over & facing others. I have so many thoughts and feelings. I want God to help me, but feel like I’m being punished.
You are wise to reach out for help, it is good to get wise counsel, you did not mean to get pregnant, and God knows that too even better than I can even imagine. My first suggestion is to pray before anything else that you do. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray Yes, you made a mistake (sin), yet you sounded very remorseful and scared what to do next, God knows your heart so make sure you guard it. Also keep in mind that if the Lord is for you, who can be against you?
If I were in your situation, I would humbly go to your daughters and tell them how you feel. Your daughter, as you said is disappointed in you, but the news was a shock to her as well as it was for you. I am sure she loves you and will come to accept reality. It would be wise to tell them what you did was wrong, but the baby inside of you is not wrong. Your baby is a gift from God; you do have two options, one would be to have the baby and look for family and friends that would be willing to help support you. That is why I suggested praying first before you do anything!
The second option would be to carry the baby full term and then adopt it to a good couple. These are the only two really good options that you have. You do NOT have to decide today, but take a few days, or even weeks to make a assess things and make a plan to raise the baby, or adopt the baby to a good couple.
You will have to weigh out the pro’s and con’s about keeping the baby, and raise the baby yourself with help or to give the baby away, but those are the ONLY 2 good choices like I mentioned and you agree!
Also, you might also want to contact a counselor and possibly someone in the field of adoption — a counselor or a wise Chrisitan girlfriend that you trust. You may also take time to read 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Take care of this with God, and you will be able to walk upright no matter what you choose to do.
I too have made my share of mistakes (sins) also, but that is why God is such a great God that He can forgive us when we come to him. My daughter was born out of wedlock, yet God is faithful and just and has allowed me to know her since she was 12 and now is going to be 35. I say this because whatever happens, remember to do God’s will which will sometimes be the narrow road but it is always worth it!
How about your church and pastor if you have one? If not, maybe this is the time to find a church for support and fellowship not to mention hearing God’s word regularly. NeedEncouragment.com/find-a-good-church
You can call 800-633-3446 and talk to a trained Christian counselor or chat online with a Christian that you can find at NeedEncouragement.com/chat
I will pray that you do some or all of the things I suggested, keeping in mind that God is with you and will never leave you. I also pray for wisdom and strength that you will be needing. 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you!
Catherine, you will be fine, keep your eyes on the Lord.
Thank you for your encouraging words. I will follow your suggestions. Is a baby still a gift from God when its conceived out of sin?
You are 100% correct!!!
My daughter was born out of wedlock (in her mother and my sin), but she is a precious gift from God who I love dearly!!! My relationship with her has not been traditional, but Sherry sure has been a blessing in my life.
Upon thinking more about your situation, on second thought, I think you ought to plan to keep your baby yourself (if you have the means to care for the baby) but if that is not possible, then your only Godly choice is adoption.
You are only 41, and I am sure you would be a wonderful mother again with much experience and love. I am sure you could round up some people to help raise your child. You may need to get government support, but the lions share of all support will be coming from God.
Take time to think and even write pros and cons on paper. I have faith that whatever you do will be the right thing for you and your baby.
Keep praying, and God will reveal to you what you ought to do with your baby. I am sure God will make it clear to you either way!
James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Call out to God because He hears all our prayers!
I am leaning towards keeping him. I did meet with an adoption agency a couple of months ago. They were wonderful people, and it was a Christian based agency. Despite the turmoil, I felt and feel…that option doesn’t feel right for me. I put myself through college when my daughters were young…after my divorce. I am a public school teacher. I could financially make everything work except for daycare. I’d have to file for child support to cover daycare. I wouldn’t qualify for any government assistance. Although, my daughters are disappointed they both offered to help me. We are close as it was just us 3 for 20 years. They are in college nearby. I am already feeling better after talking it out with you. This baby is a boy, and the blood test came back as him unlikely to have down syndrome or any other condition. The only test that is 100% is amniocentesis, but I chose not to do it due to the risks of harm to the baby. The results of the test wouldn’t affect any of my decisions anyway. Again, thank you for your time. You’ve been very helpful. I go to a very large church. I am going to look for a smaller one.
Please put me on your email list. Thanks
I will be glad to add you to my mailing list. Please feel free to let your friends on facebook and your email list know about us. God bless you in all you do and have a Happy Thanksgiving full of gratitude!
This is going to be a long story, but I need advice and a reason to keep going. So growing up my mom brought me up Christian I used to have so much faith and love. I guess you can say I was an innocent girl. Fast forward to college, around this time my older cousin opened up a dental office, and I was told that I had to be a dental hygienist. I didn’t wanna be one I wanted to be a vet, but my extended family always told me I couldn’t be one that I wasn’t smart enough or financially able. They said I had to be a dental hygienist or they would kick me out of my house and never talk to me again. Mind you, this wasn’t my mom talking. My mom is deaf and has other health problems, so she was always out of the loop. I was always told growing up that I couldn’t tell her certain things so that she wouldn’t worry. My mom is an innocent soul also, and my extended family helped us out financially so I think because of that they felt like they could control me. Throughout this time I was made to volunteer at the office all day, and every day throughout the week except Sunday with no pay. It happened for about a year. Well during this time my life started getting dark. I felt so bullied sometimes by the things they would tell me, for example, that I would have been a loser if it wasn’t for them or that I was a bad person for having friends. Mind you, one time A drunk driver hit me, and they said it was my fault cause I shouldn’t have gone to the movies with my friends. I started feeling hopeless about my future losing faith cause I couldn’t understand why God allowed this. So fast forward, I got into hygiene school, and throughout that time even though I hated that profession, I was happy cause I was away from my family. I didn’t have to go to the dental office every day anymore and here there remarks. Well, I ended up meeting someone. He worked at a bus station, and I knew my family wouldn’t have approved, so I kept it a secret. After I graduated from hygiene school they started finding out about him, and I wanted to tell my mom, but I was afraid. Afraid cause my whole life I was told to never make her worry. So I kept it to myself and one day they came to talk to me and said you leave this man, or we’re done with you. I was hurt, but I knew that the world wouldn’t end if I didn’t have him in my life. I knew it would end if I didn’t have my mom though. So I broke it off with him. Afterward, they told me that because of what I did which was going to school and finding someone without their permission especially someone they didn’t approve of. That I was on lockdown, no phone, no bank account, no car and that I would be volunteering at the dental office again no pay until they trusted me again. Mind you, I was 22 at the time. I didn’t wanna live like that anymore. The ultimatum was to choose that or never go near the family again. It killed me cause I knew I might lose my mom but I left that situation, and they haven’t talked to me since. When I left, I had it in my mind that I would go home and tell my mom what was going on but they told me that if I went home and talked to her that they would call the cops on me. I was so afraid of them that I believed them and didn’t go home. My mom found out the hard way, and I regret it ever since. Fast forward to now, I’m with that guy, and my mom talks to me but my family turned my sister against me and everyone else. And my mom hates him cause I’m sure they told her that I left cause I wanted to be with him. She doesn’t believe me when I say all the things they did. But that’s my fault for not talking to her beforehand. Well, I thought I’d be happy out of that situation, but sometimes I feel more and more lost every day, I’m trying to regain my faith, but it’s so hard cause I still don’t understand why I was put in this situation. My boyfriend has anger issues and other personal problems that I didn’t know about until I got kicked out. And now I feel like no matter what I chose it was gonna suck. Sometimes I feel so unhappy and that my life is a mess right now and I don’t know how to fix it or proceed
You have asked me for my advice, the first thing I would suggest doing would be to pray about your situation.
You did not mention having a church, but that is another suggestion that I would strongly give you so you can have some teaching and also fellowship.
It is good that you are open to things that others have told you, but you must always measure it up to God’s word and also how you feel about certain things. Just because you are in a situation right now that you are uncomfortable with, you can always make some changes in your life!
As far as your boyfriend, you might sit him down and tell him how you feel about his anger issues. Let him know that he needs to get some help with it because it has become a problem with you.
I will pray that you seek God tonight in prayer before bed and tomorrow morning too. Pray each morning when you wake up, and each night when you put your head to the pillow.