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I am 41 years old and in a difficult situation. I raised my two daughters alone after my divorce 18 years ago. My girls are now 20 and 18 years old and in college. I put myself through college when they were young. I never felt that I had the time to date. I worked two jobs much of the time and went to school. I was also very devoted to my girls. I decided to start dating this past summer. I allowed things to get carried away and became intimate too soon. Despite using protection, I became pregnant. I couldn’t go through with an abortion, and he disappeared when I told him I couldn’t terminate. I feel very ashamed and embarrassed by my situation. I also feel scared and lonely. I raised my daughters to not engage in premarital sex. My oldest daughter is very disappointed in me. I am now 18 weeks along. I’m so overwhelmed by the thought of starting over & facing others. I have so many thoughts and feelings. I want God to help me, but feel like I’m being punished.
You are wise to reach out for help, it is good to get wise counsel, you did not mean to get pregnant, and God knows that too even better than I can even imagine. My first suggestion is to pray before anything else that you do. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray Yes, you made a mistake (sin), yet you sounded very remorseful and scared what to do next, God knows your heart so make sure you guard it. Also keep in mind that if the Lord is for you, who can be against you?
If I were in your situation, I would humbly go to your daughters and tell them how you feel. Your daughter, as you said is disappointed in you, but the news was a shock to her as well as it was for you. I am sure she loves you and will come to accept reality. It would be wise to tell them what you did was wrong, but the baby inside of you is not wrong. Your baby is a gift from God; you do have two options, one would be to have the baby and look for family and friends that would be willing to help support you. That is why I suggested praying first before you do anything!
The second option would be to carry the baby full term and then adopt it to a good couple. These are the only two really good options that you have. You do NOT have to decide today, but take a few days, or even weeks to make a assess things and make a plan to raise the baby, or adopt the baby to a good couple.
You will have to weigh out the pro’s and con’s about keeping the baby, and raise the baby yourself with help or to give the baby away, but those are the ONLY 2 good choices like I mentioned and you agree!
Also, you might also want to contact a counselor and possibly someone in the field of adoption — a counselor or a wise Chrisitan girlfriend that you trust. You may also take time to read 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Take care of this with God, and you will be able to walk upright no matter what you choose to do.
I too have made my share of mistakes (sins) also, but that is why God is such a great God that He can forgive us when we come to him. My daughter was born out of wedlock, yet God is faithful and just and has allowed me to know her since she was 12 and now is going to be 35. I say this because whatever happens, remember to do God’s will which will sometimes be the narrow road but it is always worth it!
How about your church and pastor if you have one? If not, maybe this is the time to find a church for support and fellowship not to mention hearing God’s word regularly. NeedEncouragment.com/find-a-good-church
You can call 800-633-3446 and talk to a trained Christian counselor or chat online with a Christian that you can find at NeedEncouragement.com/chat
I will pray that you do some or all of the things I suggested, keeping in mind that God is with you and will never leave you. I also pray for wisdom and strength that you will be needing. 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you!
Catherine, you will be fine, keep your eyes on the Lord.
Thank you for your encouraging words. I will follow your suggestions. Is a baby still a gift from God when its conceived out of sin?
You are 100% correct!!!
My daughter was born out of wedlock (in her mother and my sin), but she is a precious gift from God who I love dearly!!! My relationship with her has not been traditional, but Sherry sure has been a blessing in my life.
Upon thinking more about your situation, on second thought, I think you ought to plan to keep your baby yourself (if you have the means to care for the baby) but if that is not possible, then your only Godly choice is adoption.
You are only 41, and I am sure you would be a wonderful mother again with much experience and love. I am sure you could round up some people to help raise your child. You may need to get government support, but the lions share of all support will be coming from God.
Take time to think and even write pros and cons on paper. I have faith that whatever you do will be the right thing for you and your baby.
Keep praying, and God will reveal to you what you ought to do with your baby. I am sure God will make it clear to you either way!
James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Call out to God because He hears all our prayers!
I am leaning towards keeping him. I did meet with an adoption agency a couple of months ago. They were wonderful people, and it was a Christian based agency. Despite the turmoil, I felt and feel…that option doesn’t feel right for me. I put myself through college when my daughters were young…after my divorce. I am a public school teacher. I could financially make everything work except for daycare. I’d have to file for child support to cover daycare. I wouldn’t qualify for any government assistance. Although, my daughters are disappointed they both offered to help me. We are close as it was just us 3 for 20 years. They are in college nearby. I am already feeling better after talking it out with you. This baby is a boy, and the blood test came back as him unlikely to have down syndrome or any other condition. The only test that is 100% is amniocentesis, but I chose not to do it due to the risks of harm to the baby. The results of the test wouldn’t affect any of my decisions anyway. Again, thank you for your time. You’ve been very helpful. I go to a very large church. I am going to look for a smaller one.
Please put me on your email list. Thanks
I will be glad to add you to my mailing list. Please feel free to let your friends on facebook and your email list know about us. God bless you in all you do and have a Happy Thanksgiving full of gratitude!
This is going to be a long story, but I need advice and a reason to keep going. So growing up my mom brought me up Christian I used to have so much faith and love. I guess you can say I was an innocent girl. Fast forward to college, around this time my older cousin opened up a dental office, and I was told that I had to be a dental hygienist. I didn’t wanna be one I wanted to be a vet, but my extended family always told me I couldn’t be one that I wasn’t smart enough or financially able. They said I had to be a dental hygienist or they would kick me out of my house and never talk to me again. Mind you, this wasn’t my mom talking. My mom is deaf and has other health problems, so she was always out of the loop. I was always told growing up that I couldn’t tell her certain things so that she wouldn’t worry. My mom is an innocent soul also, and my extended family helped us out financially so I think because of that they felt like they could control me. Throughout this time I was made to volunteer at the office all day, and every day throughout the week except Sunday with no pay. It happened for about a year. Well during this time my life started getting dark. I felt so bullied sometimes by the things they would tell me, for example, that I would have been a loser if it wasn’t for them or that I was a bad person for having friends. Mind you, one time A drunk driver hit me, and they said it was my fault cause I shouldn’t have gone to the movies with my friends. I started feeling hopeless about my future losing faith cause I couldn’t understand why God allowed this. So fast forward, I got into hygiene school, and throughout that time even though I hated that profession, I was happy cause I was away from my family. I didn’t have to go to the dental office every day anymore and here there remarks. Well, I ended up meeting someone. He worked at a bus station, and I knew my family wouldn’t have approved, so I kept it a secret. After I graduated from hygiene school they started finding out about him, and I wanted to tell my mom, but I was afraid. Afraid cause my whole life I was told to never make her worry. So I kept it to myself and one day they came to talk to me and said you leave this man, or we’re done with you. I was hurt, but I knew that the world wouldn’t end if I didn’t have him in my life. I knew it would end if I didn’t have my mom though. So I broke it off with him. Afterward, they told me that because of what I did which was going to school and finding someone without their permission especially someone they didn’t approve of. That I was on lockdown, no phone, no bank account, no car and that I would be volunteering at the dental office again no pay until they trusted me again. Mind you, I was 22 at the time. I didn’t wanna live like that anymore. The ultimatum was to choose that or never go near the family again. It killed me cause I knew I might lose my mom but I left that situation, and they haven’t talked to me since. When I left, I had it in my mind that I would go home and tell my mom what was going on but they told me that if I went home and talked to her that they would call the cops on me. I was so afraid of them that I believed them and didn’t go home. My mom found out the hard way, and I regret it ever since. Fast forward to now, I’m with that guy, and my mom talks to me but my family turned my sister against me and everyone else. And my mom hates him cause I’m sure they told her that I left cause I wanted to be with him. She doesn’t believe me when I say all the things they did. But that’s my fault for not talking to her beforehand. Well, I thought I’d be happy out of that situation, but sometimes I feel more and more lost every day, I’m trying to regain my faith, but it’s so hard cause I still don’t understand why I was put in this situation. My boyfriend has anger issues and other personal problems that I didn’t know about until I got kicked out. And now I feel like no matter what I chose it was gonna suck. Sometimes I feel so unhappy and that my life is a mess right now and I don’t know how to fix it or proceed
You have asked me for my advice, the first thing I would suggest doing would be to pray about your situation.
The first question I would have to ask you, are you a born again Christian?
You did not mention having a church, but that is another suggestion that I would strongly give you so you can have some teaching and also fellowship.
It is good that you are open to things that others have told you, but you must always measure it up to God’s word and also how you feel about certain things. Just because you are in a situation right now that you are uncomfortable with, you can always make some changes in your life!
As far as your boyfriend, you might sit him down and tell him how you feel about his anger issues. Let him know that he needs to get some help with it because it has become a problem with you.
I will pray that you seek God tonight in prayer before bed and tomorrow morning too. Pray each morning when you wake up, and each night when you put your head to the pillow.
Please pray for my marriage
Thank you for contacting me. Your request is very general, but God knows what you are going through. Keep in mind the reason or reasons that you married your spouse. Trust that when you call upon the Lord, He will hear you and give you the wisdom that you need. Remember that all marriages and relationships take work if you want them to work.
There is hope for your marriage, be patient and reach out for help from your pastor or a counselor that can mediate between the two of you. You did not give me any specifics, so I will say that you need to take your marriage to God in prayer and let God fix things.
The less you say to change your spouse the better off you will be, but instead, take a look at yourself and admit to yourself where you have fallen short yourself. If you confess your shortcomings to your spouse, maybe that would show that you are serious about having a better marriage.
Cast all your anxiety on him (Jesus), for He cares for you 1 Peter 5:7
Check out these pages on my website. I think they can be of help to you. Also feel free to call 800-633-3446 to talk with someone.
Please keep in prayer for depression.
Thank you for contacting me. I was invited to a pastors/ministry leaders breakfast a few weeks ago, and I heard there that it is common that a pastor can get burnt out or depressed. I will keep you in my prayers, and I pray right now that you take good care of yourself in the coming weeks, as you allow others to help you and that you rest in the Lord’s care!
Just to let you know how I know somewhat how you are feeling, I was severely depressed in high school and also when my wife and stepson moved out, and eventually, she divorced me. If you need medical help, there is no shame in doing that, I was put on Cymbalta for depression, and it really helped me, it might help you too. But keep praying and letting those who love you help you in this time of your need.
Keeping it simple, have you been:
- Eating healthy? (avoid sugar and caffeine)
- Exercising? (at least 20 minutes a day for at least three days a week)
- Getting proper sleep? (7-8 hours)
- Casting your cares upon the Lord? 1 Peter 5:7
- Delegate some of your authority to others for a short season until you are back on your feet.
May God Bless you and keep you, and may His face shine down upon you!
I am afraid my depression is going to sink me. I feel so hopeless and useless. I even cross the road recklessly hoping a car would knock me over. I don’t know if I can handle it anymore. I feel suicidal, and the pain keeps getting worse. Please help me.
I can understand that depression is not something fun to go through, I have been depressed a couple of significant times in my life, so I know to some degree what you are going through.
First of all, you need to know that God created you and loves you, and now you need to go to Him in prayer to give you comfort and support at this time. At some point you will need to figure out what is the cause of your depression, is it a divorce, loss of a job, death of a loved one, etc. But now in the meantime, realize that you are just going through a tough time, and it will eventually be resolved, and life will come back to normal as spring comes after a cold winter.
Here are three links that I hope will be of help to you!
If what I have shared with you does not help, please go to your nearest hospital and get medical help. Taking medication on a temporary basis can be a good thing to get you unstuck. I am not a doctor, but I was on Cymbalta when I was depressed going through my divorce, and it sure helped me.
But I would first suggest you to take your depression to God, and I am glad you reached out to me, but do not stop here, I pray that you will seek the help you need to get back on your feet again.
You are not alone, (chat now) most people would have to admit that they have at least once thought about the idea of suicide. Suicide prevention saves lives!
There is help available now, and please do not delay!
Even thoughts of living life can make living life such a painful burden, I know that feeling, and that is why you need God’s help and help from others who care, so once again, please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
May God bless you and keep you strong!
My husband is asking me to do a sexual act with him that I feel uncomfortable doing. Not because it is singular but because I am extremely “grossed out” by what he wants me to do. I never ever imagined that sex would include an act such as this…maybe I was naive. Anyways, we have we great relationship except for this, and it comes up and turns into an argument every few months. Should I be doing what he wants me to do even though it makes me feel sick to my stomach and I hate every single minute of it? Am I just being selfish? Should I be submitting myself even when the thought of doing this act makes me hate being married and creates anger in my heart? I feel I can’t tell him any of these feelings because every time I do it turns into an argument again and I end up feeling horrible and selfish…yet I can hardly force myself to do what he is asking. Advice or thoughts?
Thank you for contacting us. I do not think it is necessary to share the graphic details, to understand that whatever your husband wants you to do is not you being selfish, it is your husband who is being selfish. You said that you talked about this to him, and it brings up arguments, so I would suggest that you have your pastor, or a counselor or even a very close couple that you trust to talk things over together. A pastor would be my first suggestion, a counselor my second and a close couple my third option.
You have tried to please him by submitting to his desires, but if it makes you feel sick to your stomach, enough is enough! I pray that you handle this situation in a godly way, try to keep your emotions out of it and explain the fact that it makes you sick to your stomach! Your heart is not trying to hold back sex from him, and it is just that what he wants is not something you are willing to do.
I will pray right now for you and your husband that this matter can be settled without any more arguments or hurt feeling. Before you talk with your husband again or your pastor, or a counselor, or couple. Take your concerns to God in prayer! 1 Peter 5:7
God bless you both,
I need Biblical advice for a decision, please.
After four years of marriage and two beautiful children, my wife divorced me. We had a decent life, but She was behaving as an abnormal person, and it caused a lot of discord in our couple. The divorce was finally pronounced in March 2018 after one year of intense inconvenience and a series of twists in both directions. Until recently, my now ex-wife was not open to any dialogue (it was her way or the highway) and used all deceptive techniques to rally anyone to her cause. After I made an unworthy, disgusting, but justified, act against her, I was happily surprised to see an unexpected reaction from her. For the first time in years, she is open to debate and recognizes her wrongdoing.
According to herself, the word of God and the difficulties she has encountered since she was alone with the children have helped her to understand where she has faulted. She says she’s ready to come back and this time for real and for good. To her credit, she’s been trying to come back for a long time now. This time, there is something different. I have always loved her, but her behavior repelled me and even scared me. This time, I see someone who finally looks sincere in what she says. So I let myself go. She even managed to get me again in her bed this week.
The problem is that thinking that I had done everything not to lose her, and she had made it clear to anyone who wanted to hear it that she did not love me and that she would divorce at any cost. Convinced that I had lost her forever and that she wanted to harm me, I decided to rebuild my life and move on. I went into a relationship with an American girl a few months before the judge signed the final divorce decree. We recently had a son who is now two months old. My new girl, despite the significant financial problems that torment us in this year, does not bother me at all. She’s just a little lazy.
Dear pastor, if I had a choice, I would never have divorced. My children are devastated by this divorce, and their mother seems to need me. My new girl and our son need me as much. This situation destabilizes me because no solution will leave all parties happy. What is the biblical approach to dealing with this kind of situation if there is one? And what is your personal opinion on the situation?
Sorry, it took a while to get back to you, but it is hard to give you any real wise counsel because I am sure your situation is broader than just what you wrote to me.
Have you prayed to God about this, or have you talked with your pastor about this?
It seems that you have gotten into a problematic situation and deep down I think you know what the right thing to do would be. This is too involved to resolve over one email. I suggest you step back and pray about this for a few days and then reach out to your pastor or a counselor.
I am sorry if you do not hear what you want to hear, but if you do what I suggested you will be on the right road to some solutions…
May God bless you and give you wisdom and peace. If you struggle with prayer, here is a link that can be of help to you.
James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
I pray that you keep in mind your children and that you will be wise in how you handle your situation, and that God prompts you to do what His will is, and you listen.
Thank you so much for your advice.
Hello, thank you for reading this. I will prayerfully take the advice given, and I am grateful for your kindness in helping me.
My husband and I have been married for two years. We both are Christian and want to have a God-honoring marriage.
The problem we have is how we handle our arguments and heated discussions.
This doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens enough to cause me to feel discouraged about our future.
Last night we got into an argument about finances. I started crying, and he told me several times to stop. He told me to “grow up.” I then proceeded to shove him and ask him to leave. When I shoved him, It happened so fast.
Soon Afterwards he said to me that I should never put my hands on him and I agreed that how I reacted was wrong.
This anger has caused me much grief as I have been known to let it affect me in the past during heated discussions with my husband.
Today we haven’t spoken at all about it other than saying sorry to each other by text.
How can I learn to relax my anger during a conflict? I also feel like my husband is careless with his words during a conflict.
In the meantime, I will be praying about this and seeking God’s direction.
God has given us all emotions and different personalities, yet as a Christian, you know that the Holy Spirit is living in you and we need to conform to God’s will which is not to let your emotions fly off the handle. You know that, and I am glad you feel remorse. (I was married ten years), and our tempers flew off the handle a few times, but I too was remorseful and got back in line when it happened. I say this, so you do not beat yourself because of your mistake, but take it to God and go to your husband and apologize and make sure you know he accepts your apology, then never do that again! (one thing to do is not discuss stressful types of things like money or other stuff like that late before bed)
The first thing to do is to pray about this situation, more specifically your part in it. I may ask you if you are taking care of your health, which means not only your spiritual life but your physical health too.
- Do you pray and read your Bible daily? (if not start with 10 minutes each morning and build up from there)
- Do you exercise?
- Do you eat healthy foods and avoid bad foods?
- Do you get enough sleep?
- Do you take vitamins?
- Do you avoid alcohol or keep it to a very minimum amount if need be?
- Do you laugh and enjoy your time with your husband?
- Do you have a romantic life with your husband?
With these eight questions, I am sure you will discover where some of your problems are rooted.
One more thing before something bad happens again:
H.A.L.T = Don’t get too:
I pray that you both remember why you got married two years ago, and build on that. You guys gave your vows in front of God, and all those who were at your wedding, not this (the marriage) is what it is all about. You need to trust God and do God’s will and everything else (anger, budget, etc.) will all fall into place. Pray for your husband not only your self, the devil wants to destroy you guys, but remember he is a defeated foe, even though he still can make your life’s miserable!
I would strongly suggest that you apologize for face to face (Text is just a temporary bandage). Use this incident as something to grow together from. I would love to hear how you guys resolved things if you would like to let me know, I am sure you will recover from this speed bump you experienced!
I am sure if your husband is a good Christian husband, he will accept your apology, and you guys can make up tonight!
There are many other good pages on my site.
May God bless you and keep you, may his face shine upon you and give you strength!
I am a 27 yr old mother of 2 beautiful and smart daughters, but I am also a hard struggling addict. I use to be happy and I could hear the lord when he spoke to me, like anything I asked of him would almost manifest itself he answered my prayers so quick, and I love him and respectfully fear him but I am afraid he’s given up on me after relapsing every other day I tell myself I’m going to quit. I feel hopeless for telling myself right before I stick the devil’s sword in me, ” Lord, please forgive me again, I’m so sorry, I’m sick, and I need you!” Please, can someone help me before I lose everything I love, or everything I love loses me? There are not many rehabs in Louisiana much fewer ones that let your children come, plus my husband doesn’t know my addiction goes this deep. Please help! Thank you and bless you if you can help someone as hopeless like me who seems to love their sin more than God our Father but I won’t let the devil take me that far, I still and will forever love my Father!!!
Thank you for reaching out to us, it is apparent that you have had enough of your addiction. My first suggestion that I give to everyone is to pray about your situation. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray
I too had an addiction to alcohol and drugs when I was younger, I quit using when I was 26 years old, and it was one of the wisest and the best thing I could do for myself with God’s help. You can stop with God’s help too. (No God did not turn His back on you, you turned your back on Him, but He will take you back like the prodigal son, or in your case prodigal daughter) He took me back!
You have two options right now.
- You can continue in your addiction and keep sinking lower and lower and harm your daughters with your addiction, and ultimately end up divorced.
- Or you can get sincere and transparent, and reach out for help so that you can find the joy that you so deeply miss.
Just the fact that you have reached out today tells me that you want help.
- Get on your knees and pray to God to remove your addiction.
- Level with your husband to let him know that you are struggling, if he is any kind of good man, he will want to help you!
- Stop seeing whoever is supplying your addiction.
- Get rid of any drugs or alcohol in your home.
- Get a counselor and or an accountability partner to help keep you on the straight and narrow.
I think these links might be of help to you:
I will be praying that God heals you from your addiction and that the suggestions I have shared with you will be helpful to you. Keep I mind that God can take this addiction from you if you hand it over to Him and not keep taking it back.
1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
If you need to talk to a trained Christian counselor, you can call 800-633-3446
May God bless you and show you the way out from your addiction.
Thank you so much, Mr. Bill, I will continue praying and having faith in the lord, and I will also read the links you sent, you can tell you yourself actually replied back to me, and I thank you for taking your time out to lend a helping hand. Nobody really knows what one kind word can do for someone. May God continue to bless you thanks so much!
You are very welcome, now commit yourself to get back on the right track. DO NOT think you can do it in your power, because you can not; you need God’s help and the help of those people that God puts in your life to help you. It would help if you were very serious about this because unfortunately, a half-hearted effort will not accomplish your desired goal.
I will pray that you make it the rest of the week without using, then after accomplishing that, keep on moving forward, you can do it with God’s help, believe me, I did. With God all things are possible!
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
God bless you,
P.S. I see you are up late at night sending this email, so try to get back on a regular sleeping, eating pattern which will be of help to you too, I say this because I care and you need your strength and health if you want to get clean!
I have a difficult situation, my brother James died in May, Mom had a stroke that day, and died in June. I had probate court, cremations, memorials, then clearing and shelling mom’s house (the family home), getting a new place, then my husband filed for divorce because I spend too much time in Ohio (we had been living in England). Now that I have cleared out of our English home, I can finally relax, and it is hitting me hard every morning.
I am sorry to hear that you have been in a storm time in your life. It makes it hard when many things happen relatively at the same time. It is wise that you are reaching out for help. It sounds like you are going through some grieving and you need to be patient with yourself. NeedEncouragement.com/grief
If you believe in the Lord, you can take refuge in him during these hard times that you went through, and thank Him for his faithfulness to see you through.
The first thing I would do would be to pray to God about all that you have gone through and thank Him and ask Him for wisdom what to do now. NeedEncouragement.com/how-to-pray
I have been through some difficult times in my life, and I have found that prayer, fellowship with other believers, taking care of my health, exercise, eating correctly, and being with good friends and family members for support.
One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him, for He cares for you.
I hope and pray that what I shared will be of help to you, and I pray that you find healing and hope in Jesus Christ and your faith will grow because of all that you have been through.
Feel free to call 800-633-3446
May God bless you and keep you safe as you walk with Him,