Counseling Not Divorce!
You loved each other and got married, so the answer is counseling NOT divorce!
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I know personally the pain involved in going through a divorce. It is the worst pain I have experienced in my entire life. I did not want the divorce, which is probably why it was so painful. Being in a problematic marriage was not a easy at all, either, actually very gut-wrenching. I tried to work things out until the end, but my ex-wife gave up hope and gave up trying. My ex and I tried marriage counseling not divorce at first. We had great counseling, yet my ex did not want to listen any more to the counseling we received and she decided to move out for 2 years “find herself” and only divorced me because she wanted to get remarried. Christian counseling not divorce is the better idea, it does not always work out the way it does in movies, but it is sure worth the effort of trying!
Divorce Is Very Painful!
I am sure that losing a wife and a step son with the separation and divorce was very hard not only on them, but on me too. Everyone is affected and suffers! I believe my ex and I were not prepared enough to withstand the storms we encountered. I believe that in most divorces in the United States, there is not much premarital counseling. Which means many couples build their future on sand not on rock. I also believe that it is too easy to get a divorce, it should be much harder to get a divorce and it is now. The term irreconcilable differences is simply a legal term used in the court room to make divorce so very very easy to obtain. Bottom line, counseling not divorce is the best bet which honors God, and give the marriage a change, instead of barring it alive. ~ Bill Greguska
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Common But Illegitimate Reasons For Divorce!
- “My spouse isn’t a Christian,”
- “I wasn’t a Christian when I married my spouse.”
- We do not get along.
- All we do is argue.
- We do not love each other any longer.
- Irreconcilable differences
- Etc. Etc. Etc.
The most significant ways to prevent divorce are to honor God and accept your spouse!
What Are More Illegitimate Reasons For Divorce?
“We Weren’t Married In A Church.”
Matthew 19:6 renders this an illegitimate excuse when it says, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” God sanctions marriage and is not dependent on the context in which those vows were made. Regardless of where you were married or who married you, if you have made a coven marriage covenant, the Lord expects you to keep it.
“I Need To Get Out Of This Marriage For The Sake Of My Kids.”
Of course, this is a justifiable concern, but one that Paul does not neglect to address. In 1 Corinthians 7:14, he says, “For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.”
“My Spouse Is A huge Disappointment.”
“He is a loser (poor provider).” “She hasn’t taken care of herself physically.” “I would have never married this person if I had known what I was getting myself into.” “I deserve better.” Even the best may enter lulls where thoughts like these remain prevalent for periods. Marriage can be challenging. Your spouse may grieve or disappoint much ever; this is not a legitimate excuse to bolt.
“We Are No Longer In Love.”
If God commands us to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44), we can love our spouse, even if we can’t muster those romantic feelings that once defined the dating or honeymoon phases. The marriage covenant is binding until death, not until one or both of you fall out of love.
“I Owe It To Myself To Be Happy. God Wouldn’t Want Me To Be Unhappy.”
There is a crucial difference between worldly happiness and godly happiness. The first depends on circumstance, and the latter prevails despite the situation. The Westminster Shorter Catechism states, “Man’s chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever.” God cares deeply about our eternal happiness!
My Marriage Is A Constant Struggle.
In any of the above cases, believers can be faithful the their vows if their marriage is a struggle. If you believe you can be happier outside God’s will, you are captive to a lie crafted by Satan. Do you want to pit yourself against the sovereignty and wisdom of God?
“All My Friends Say That I Ought To Leave Him/Her.”
Even friends with the best intentions can lead you astray. This is why it is essential to commit yourself to God’s full counsel in his word, allowing it to become your ultimate counselor, no matter what differing opinions you hear elsewhere.
“God Will Forgive Me.”
Apostle Paul addresses this in Romans 6:1-2: “What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?” Our God is full of grace, but that should not cause us to take advantage of it by being bound to sin. Instead, it should cause us to live in the freedom of his will, desirous of keeping his commands. Christ died so that we would no longer be slaves to sin but slaves to righteousness. Jesus said, “If you love me, keep my commands” (John 14:15). If you truly love Christ, you will not separate “what God has joined together” (Mark 10:9).
Counseling Not Divorce! What Are You Going To Do About Your Child?
Top Reasons For Divorce!
What To Look Out For To Protect Your Marriage
Some of the most significant reasons for divorce today are, in descending order:
- Ongoing adultery/pornography (which is the same as adultery in the heart – Matt 5:28
- Lack of communication
- Drug or alcohol addiction/abuse
- Physical/emotional abuse
- Sexual problems
- Financial problems
- Unfulfilled expectations
- Differences in priorities
- Differences in child-rearing
- Religious or cultural differences
- Boredom/falling out of love
- Child sexual or physical abuse
- Controlling spouse
- Mental health issues
- In-laws’ interference
- Jealousy, insecurity, or lack of trust
- Shift in priorities
- Children leave home/empty nest
Information from: WhatChristiansWantToKnow.com
How To Prevent A Divorce Through My Divorce Experience?
- Know who you will marry (someone with shortcomings).
- Make sure you both have an active relationship with God.
- Realize that there will be difficulties you will need to face together as teammates.
- Be sure to date for at least a year – or even more – to see how your partner handles life situations.
- Do things alone and with other couples who are dating.
- Do not allow your feelings of romance to cloud your thinking.
- When you marry, keep focusing on making your spouse happy.
- Make plans together and divide responsibilities up.
- Practice communication and forgiveness.
- Do not let children become the center of the marriage. The center is God, you, and your spouse.
- Have date nights with each other each week and spend time with friends, too.
- Do not let your frustrations and anger spill over on your spouse.
Counseling Not Divorce! Learning How To Argue Less And More Fairly!
If every man made his prime concern the comfort and well-being of his wife and every wife made her chief concern the comfort and well-being of her husband, we would have very little divorce in the land. ~ Gordon B. Hinckley
Counseling Not Divorce! Remember These Things…
- Do All You Can Do To Prevent Divorce!
- Don’t Give Up On Your Marriage!
- It Is An Effort Of Three!
- You + Your Spouse + God = A Strong Marriage!
This reminds me of what is addressed in Ecclesiastes 4:12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. This should be examined before the word divorce is ever thought of. God created marriage and wants it to last for all of us!
There may be challenging times to work through to prevent divorce, but it will be worth the effort in the long run. Ask God for wisdom, patience, humility, and love. When discussing what the Bible says about divorce, it is imperative to remember the words of Malachi 2:16, “I hate divorce, says the Lord God.”
Even though the Bible gives the possibility for divorce, it does not mean God desires a divorce to occur in every situation. Instead of asking, “What are the grounds for divorce?” the question should be, “What are the reasons for forgiveness, restoration, and counseling?” Divorce is tearing apart two pieces of flesh that have become one!
Marriage Or Divorce
(Sample from The Book I wrote)
Lord, I must say I do not understand why my marriage and so many others have ended in divorce. I believe you put my wife and me together, yet Satan pulled us apart as he did in so many other marriages. You know I did all I could to keep us together, yet with the free will you give us all, my wife chose to leave the marriage to find herself.
Lord, it was a devastating blow that took years to recover from, and still, some scars and consequences have resulted from the marriage being torn in two. There is no winner in a divorce except the lawyer. Everyone involved pays an emotional price that often lasts for many years, and the scars continue forever. Lord, I know now why you hate divorce so much.
Lord, the divorce had an impact on my life, similar to the issues I had in high school, removing my desire to live. Life became dark, and depression set in heavily; every day, I wished I were dead, which was crippling. How could I start my life over after a divorce when I was not convinced that I wanted to keep living? But Lord, you never gave up on me. I was very depressed and lost hope for some time, leading me to take anti-depressant medication temporarily. Thank you, Lord, that you supplied support for me. Otherwise, I might not have made it. I must always remember that if I am married, I will be content. If I am single, be content in my singleness. The grass is not greener on the other side.
A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there’s less of you. ~ Margaret Atwood, Canadian poet, novelist, teacher, and environmental activist
NeedEncouragement.com/recovering-from-divorce
Counseling Not Divorce And Focusing On God Not The Problems!
Some Specific Scriptures To Encourage You:
John 14:15 ESV
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.
1 Peter 3:7 ESV
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel since they are heirs with you of the grace of life so that your prayers may not be hindered.
1 Timothy 2:9 ESV
Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire,
Philippians 4:8 ESV
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
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