Response Letters 4

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Hello, my wife separated eight years ago due to my finding out she had cheated. Now we were both living in sin afterward, dating others during the separation and living in adultery. I’ve just become rededicated to the Lord, and I’m trying to either officially close this chapter with her or reach reconciliation. However, after talking, she still wants to live in sin, so I guess my question is, do I have grounds for divorce?

Hey, so I’m working on overcoming overthinking, fear of the future, and being positive, and I saw on here where it says fear of the Lord is good, but what does that mean? That scares me.

This would be my best advice besides thanking God that you are okay, ask God to give you the wisdom to know what to do now. I pray for you, and I know that as you trust God, He will direct your path.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

1. Have you prayed to God about this? If not, that is where to begin. https://needencouragement.com/how-to-pray/
2. Do not think you are going to change him. That is not your job, and you will possibly be very disappointed and angry.
3. Pray about what God wants in your relationship to look like, and use that as your goal.
4. If your boyfriend is not looking out for your mutual best interest, then you need to even though he is supposed to be the leader.
5. Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? I would write out a few things to guide the conversation.
6. When you have prayed and thought about your boundaries with your boyfriend, share them with him and see if he agrees?.https://needencouragement.com/set-boundaries/
7. If he is totally against what you are proposing to conduct your relationship, that might be a flag for you to move on
   
8. I have been married and divorced, and I wish our pastor asked more questions before getting married. If so, I might not have married her, and in turn, not divorced.https://needencouragement.com/prevent-divorce/

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Subject: Re: “asking for advice.”

Misgana

Bill Greguska

If what I have said has been of any help to you, please email me back if you have any questions about what I have said. This too shall pass, believe me!  Giana, I pray that you go to God and allow Him to comfort you during this time!
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

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Subject: Re: NeedEncouragement.com “Need Help”

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Are You Taking Good Care of Your Health?

Some Of Our Problems We Have Stem From Physical Reasons. Click On Letters For Health Information!

A- B- C- D- E- F- G- H- I- J- K- L- M- N- O- P- R- S- U- V- W- Y- Z

1. Eat healthy foods rather than junk.
2. Avoid alcohol and sugar.
3. Drink plenty of water.
4. Get exercise every other day.
5. Work hard, and play hard.
6. Sleep 7 to 8 hours each night.
7. Keep in touch with family and friends.
8. Find humor in things.
9. Keep yourself active and productive.
10. Help or encourage someone else (especially if you are feeling down).

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You might want to ask your daughter if she has any unconfessed sin in her life, if so she can go to the Lord in prayer and confess it to Him.

Think about it for a minute, any sin you can think of, there is immediate gratification that comes from it. God hates all sin, and if you are a believer in Jesus Christ, you can do what it says in

1. Are you getting enough sleep?
2. How is your diet?
3. Are you drinking enough water?
4. Do you get regular exercise?
5. Are you stressed out about things?
6. Are you over 60 years old?
7. Have you had a doctor’s check-up recently?
8. Have you been reading your bible?
9. Have you been praying?
10. Is there any unconfessed sin in your life?
11. Have you mentioned in this to your husband that you are struggling to concentrate?
12. Are you and your husband getting along well or is there friction in your marriage?

God bless you Marissa, and may He revile more and more of Himself to you to apply to your life!

https://needencouragement.com/how-to-pray/

God bless you and may you draw more near to Him each day!

Can you think back to your childhood whether or not that was a good time in your life or not, but think of it this way? Did your parents always give you what you asked for? At the same time, they provided a roof over your head, food in your stomach, clothes on your back, plus many other things. My analogy is that God sometimes does not give us what we want, but He gives us what we need. Be patient, God has a plan for your life.

Subject: NeedEncouragement.com “I don’t know if He’ll help me”

1. Eat healthy foods rather than junk.
2. Avoid alcohol and sugar.
3. Drink plenty of water.
4. Get exercise every other day.
5. Work hard, and play hard.
6. Sleep 7 to 8 hours each night.
7. Keep in touch with family and friends.
8. Find humor in things.
9. Keep yourself active and productive.
10. Help or encourage someone else (especially if you feel down).

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You mentioned that your parents are concerned about you, which is understandable to a point, but you need to remember that you are married to your husband, not your parents.

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Subject: Re: NeedEncouragement.com “Marriage and Career Struggles”

Thanks for your response, Bill. Yes, I have been praying about my marriage for many years. In the past two years, my husband has been emotionally abusive towards me and it has been hurtful. I had a long talk with him yesterday and he admitted some of the sins that he has committed against me.  I hope that after our talk he will improve his behavior. I would be happy again if he would stop saying such terrible things to me. Another issue is that I am also currently unemployed and my husband has told me that I have to get a new job soon making the same amount I was in my last job because we are not able to pay our bills without my income. You suggested that I make the best of what I have, but I do not have any income or career at the moment. Maybe God just wants me to remain unemployed since that is the situation he has me in. I will continue to trust him even though these circumstances are very difficult to deal with and my parents are very concerned about me.

 

On Mon,  NeedEncouragement.com / Bill  wrote:

Hi Diane,

After reading your email, the first thought I had, was to ask you if you have been praying about your marriage and your career situations. Often when we take our eyes off the Lord, other parts of our lives suffer because of it.

When you married your husband, you were full of joy and happiness, what do you think has led to your unhappiness?

As far as your career, do you think it is premature to consider looking for a new career or simply make the best of what you have?

If what I have shared has been helpful and you wish to be more specific, feel free to email us back.

I pray that you take all your concerns to God in prayer, for He is the one who holds the answers to all our questions.

God bless you,

Bill Greguska

• Contact Us
• NeedEncouragement.com
• Call 800-633-3446 or text 800-633-3446 or Chat Here

Luke 10:27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

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Subject: Marriage and Career Struggles

Message Body:

I am unhappy in my marriage and career and I could use some advice and prayer in both areas.

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Subject: Re: NeedEncouragement.com “Questions”

Hi Bill,

To answer your questions: Yes I pray constantly for my husband but no he doesn’t pray with me about it.  He doesn’t even recognize that there is a problem.  And I do know and agree that one person is not 100% right and the other person 0% right.  Of course, I realize you are only hearing my side of things.  I wish my husband would agree to get counseling together with me. I am not saying that our marriage is on the rocks or anything.  I just want to “nip things in the bud” before it gets that bad.

Secondly, I have always been the peacemaker in the family.  When I was married to my first husband of 30 years until he passed away, I always did everything in my power to keep peace.  So much so that I would suppress my feelings because I did not want him to get mad and cuss me out.  He was a good husband and good provider, but I could not carry on a reasonable conversation with him, about certain things (such as bills), without him getting upset, so I mostly kept my mouth shut.  I believe, to this day, that that is the reason why I developed physical problems because it is not good when you have to hold things inside like that for too long.  I have been through a lot during my childhood and my adulthood — things that I should have gotten counseling for back then but was unable to.  You just don’t know.  So when you say I should submit to my husband that is like a punch in the gut.  That is all I have done for most of my married life.  That is a typical male response.  I have done that and all that has accomplished is enabling my husband to continue to do what he pleases without any thought of my needs.  Do you think it is appropriate for a husband to be self-centered and only buy the things he needs without any consideration for the needs of his wife?  You are forgetting the other side of the coin.  The husband is supposed to take care of his wife like Jesus takes care of the church.  I know my scripture too.  It takes both the husband and the wife to make a marriage work — not just one submitting to the other.  

Do you think it is okay for him to ignore special days like Valentine’s Day or spend quality time with his wife?  And when that special day has arrived, including the anniversary, he says he doesn’t have the money to take me out and that I have to wait.  Well I wait and I wait, but it has been the same thing every year for the past several years.  I keep hoping that by the next time, it will change but it doesn’t.  

My first husband never forgot our anniversary, birthday, Valentine’s Day, or any other holiday.  He was very generous to me when it came to that.  He was not perfect of course.  He was not a romantic person, but he did show me that he loved me by thinking about me in other ways.  He was not perfect of course.  Nobody is.  And I am not trying to compare him to my current husband because they are two different people and I know that you are not supposed to do that.  But my current husband refuses to admit that he could be wrong about anything.  He makes excuses for everything saying stuff like “I forgot” “I didn’t hear you” or “I didn’t know what you meant.”  Those are just excuses.  He always blames things on his health, claiming that his condition affects his memory and that he can’t hear good in one ear.  That may be partially true, but nobody can forget that much.  I can tell him something and 5 minutes later, he claims he can’t remember me saying it.  That is not true.  I told him that if his health is that bad, how do you even remember what to do for your boss when he tells you what to do?  He works part-time, as do I, to supplement our disability, but he keeps most of the money he makes for what he wants.  His health is not as bad as he claims when he makes excuses like that all the time with me.  I know he does have some partial deafness in one ear, but using that as an excuse, when he doesn’t want to do something for me, is not right.  And I do not ask that much of him.  

I do love my husband very much, which is the main reason why I get so stressed out and frustrated.  I worry about him too much.  I remind him to take his meds cause sometimes he forgets.  But he never thinks about whether or not I have taken mine.  We both have meds we have to take every day.  Sometimes I forget to take mine because I am too concerned about whether he took his or not.  

Well thank you for taking the time to listen to me, but you haven’t told me anything that I did not already know or have tried.  I was trying to seek “godly counsel” as the bible says to do.  I have been married for 30 years the first time and going on 13 years this time so, trust me, I am not a fickle or unsupportive wife.  I take marriage very seriously and I stay committed.  I know there are going to be arguments and disagreements between couples.  That is to be expected.  It is when it becomes one-sided and where the couple is more like just roommates than husband and wife that it becomes a problem.      

 

On Mon,  NeedEncouragement.com / Bill  wrote:

Hi Penny,

I am glad that you are a Christian who loves God very much, that is so important. As Christians, we are called to be like Christ. Having said that, what would Jesus want you to do concerning your marriage situation?

I am only hearing your side of the story, but what matters is what God calls us to do. In your case being your husband’s wife, you are called to submit to him.

Ephesians 5:22-23Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

 

If what you have been doing up until this point has not been working, try to respect your husband and not insist on your ways. He being a good husband will respond better to that, compared to fussing and arguing with him.

 

I am not saying that what he is saying or doing is right, he would need to take it to God himself. But you emailed me, and all I have to work with is you, and what you can do to make things better. The answer is doing God’s will and loving and respecting your husband. Do these things and you will begin to see a difference in your husband within a relatively short time. Be patient and keep praying to God!

 

https://needencouragement.com/marriage-insights/

 

If what I have shared has been of help to you, feel free to email me back if you have any questions.

 

God bless you and your marriage,

Bill Greguska

• Contact Us
• NeedEncouragement.com
• Call 800-633-3446 or text 800-633-3446 or Chat Here

Luke 10:27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

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Subject: Questions

Message Body:

Hi,  I am a Christian who loves God very much.  I just have a few issues with stress and frustration.  A lot of it is triggered by my husband, who is also a believer but we just don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things.  I did not see anything on your website related to marriage counseling.  What I need is just someone to talk to about the things that stress me out because it does no good at all to talk to my husband.  It only causes arguments.  Sometimes it may be small unimportant things but sometimes it will be something significant that I can’t get him to listen to me about.  So I get frustrated and he absolutely will not budge on his opinion even when it is clear he is wrong.  He does not know how to admit he is wrong.  I think it might help me if I just had someone else to vent to rather than him so that it doesn’t become a big argument between us.  I can start to just talk to him about something and somehow it gets twisted into a big argument.  And he doesn’t see a problem so I don’t think he would even talk to a counselor.  He acts as if there is nothing wrong. 

We are both on disability so I can’t afford to pay for counseling.  I need free counseling if it is available.  Thanks!

1. Stick close to God.
2. Stick close to your Bible study.
3. Offer your husband a deal stating if you do XYZ then he would agree to not proceed in the divorce.
4. You acknowledged your sin to me in your email, make sure you acknowledge your sin to God. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
5. Once you confess your sins to God, stop beating yourself up and accept God’s forgiveness.
6. Forgive yourself and pray that your husband will do the same.
   
7. Your husband may not forgive you right away, but as long as God has. God’s forgiveness is real, yet there are sometimes consequences to our sins.
8. Remember that your husband does not necessarily want to hear scriptures at this point, he needs to see with his eyes and ears that you are serious by the way you handle yourself.
   
9. Take care of your health, eat healthy, exercise, sleep 7-8 hours, and stay close to your support system.
10. What are one or two things that your husband has been complaining to you about? Show him that you are serious and do what he has requested if it is something Godly.
11. It is not over, there is hope. God can work in his heart to forgive you. A little pleading and begging mercy from your husband may be what is needed besides prayer!
12. Keep in mind, that your husband is in the driver’s seat, if you want to keep the marriage alive which it sounds like you do, then you NEED TO WIN HIM BACK!
    

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Subject: Re: NeedEncouragement.com “Addiction to attention from females”

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